She's stolen my wedding...

[daftpink]

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

YANBU! I’d be pretty peeved with that also.....as others have said, hopefully you’ve got your invitations out ahead of her anyway so guests will know that was your plan regardless.

Oof that would seriously piss me off.

Have you said anything to her? Will you?

Quick get pregnant and steal her baby name.

What have you said to her?

#awkward

Not sure what you can do about it though.

Wow, your friend is awful!
But as pp have said, everyone will know that she is copying you - so you don't have anything to worry about on that front. And any teething problems with the venue will be sorted out before your wedding. She can be the butt of jokes about how she is the trial run
At least the family will be different at each wedding - so it won't be exactly the same guests. How many of your 25 will actually be at her wedding?

People aren't going to remember which invitation arrived first when they're actually at the receptions, they'll just know that hers came first and yours is a "God, this again?".

I think you would be justified in saying something and also bitching about her to mutual friends and getting them onside. Its a very mean and calculated stroke to pull.

I think you have to tell her how disappointed you are. It'll give her and her DF time to have another think and to realise how thoughtless they've been.

That's a low blow, what sort of best friend would even consider doing that. If it was after yours fine. Wow, don't bite your tongue OP, let her know how you feel. Is yours all paid for ?

Cf.
But gives you the chance to tweak anything that's not quite spot on!!

looking like you copied her isn't a problem esp if you get your invitations out first

I can see why you'd be peeved if you wanted to something really special for your guests. BUT the guests will be different, surely apart from a couple of good mates, different food, different decoration, different tunes, different couple getting married. If it's lovely people will be happy to go back.

I would just ask her why she possibly thought that was ok though?

If you only have 25 guests then presumably after family there can't be that many guests in common? And surely if you both only have 'close' friends attending then they will know she has cancelled her 'more formal church wedding with sit down dinner etc' she was due to have in September so there is zero chance anyone will think you are copying her?

I'm suprised she was able to contact her formal affair and that the rental house was available.

Blimey. I would be so pissed off. Did you tell her you are upset?

Bring your own wedding forward? Or change the venue.

I’d be really cross and upset. Yes some weddings are similar but this is a direct copy. It’s like she’s had some imagination breakdown and just used your idea. Very selfish.

I'm pretty laid back about weddings and think some women get too precious about their weddings but in this case I completely get how you feel. How awful. I agree with pps, let her know how you feel. Maybe she's desperate to get married in a quick timescale but if that's the case she should've asked you first if you were ok with it.

Unbloddybelievable!!!

Have you invited all your friends and have they accepted the invites? If so, I would not worry too much, they will be thinking that she is a cow as much as you do.

If you haven’t... start working on plan B ASAP!

That is really shit.

Very upsetting. You need to tell her that you don’t want to fall out but this is really unfair and rude of her. Is there nowhere else in the country that could have their wedding?!

I'd be annoyed. Tell her how you feel if you haven't already.

I think you need to tell her how you feel. This really is disrespectful. As others have said, emulation after the event is one thing. But this is something else!

Oh OP, I don’t blame you one bit for being annoyed. That’s infuriating. I’d be ticked off too. If I was in your position I would slap a smile on my face and wouldn’t let her know it was bothering me. I would then ensure that every aspect of my own wedding weekend was better than hers! I am well aware that that makes me seem really petty, but after spending so much time and money and effort planning a wedding last year, it would make me really mad to see someone just swoop in and basically steal my efforts. Your friends will know that she took your venue and wedding idea..smile sweetly and say nothing to anyone!

The OP will have sent out her invites ages ago presumably.

My brother and my sister got married at the same venue (not to each other I hasten to add ) However the weddings were completely different - different seasons and different guest lists - so they felt like different weddings.

Your "BF" is a massively cheeky bitch and I would be really quite upset by what she has done. And I would tell her so because I am not one to avoid confrontation (I'm not aggressive or anything but I don't go to the lengths some on here do to avoid any sort of confrontation whatsoever)