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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's stolen my wedding...

339 replies

daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:07

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

OP posts:
CottonGoods · 27/01/2018 19:16

To invite = verb
Invitation = noun

There is no such thing as "an invite".

That aside, I was convinced that the OP was going to BU, not least as I have no interest in weddings of any hue (and had the least fussy one possible, with two witnesses and nobody else). However, I think it's the so-called friend who's decidedly BU here.

RowenasDiadem · 27/01/2018 19:17

Oh and for Gods sake make sure to say loudly in front of your friends at some point, "Christ, I'd best not let you see my dress or you'll be stealing that as well!"

Thiscantreallybehappening · 27/01/2018 19:17

I think this so called 'BF' has obviously been very jealous of the day you had planned and has decided that she must have it too. She is using her pregnancy as an excuse. Surely, she is going to be losing deposits on the venue she already had booked so this desire to have your day must be very great. I would be furious if a friend did this. She is saying she can't see that she has done anything wrong because she doesn't want to. She just wants your day. Honestly, I would cut all contact and dis-invite her to your day. Realistically, how can your friendship survive this. If you go along to her wedding now you are going to spend the whole weekend getting very upset and being very, rightly so, bitter and angry. You are going to feel like your day has been stolen. If you break contact with her you don't have to go through her wedding day continually thinking this is what I will be doing in a few weeks. I think you will also feel you have control of your wedding back. I know it sounds drastic to cut contact but can you really look on her as a 'BF' now. Is there any point in speaking to the venue and telling them what has happened and how you feel?

Chugalug · 27/01/2018 19:18

A friend wouldn't of done that to another friend..disinvite her tell her you won't be going to hers

ZanyMobster · 27/01/2018 19:19

Wow, I would be fuming, what sort of friend does this. Weddings often bring the worst out in people, I have gradually moved away from a couple of friendships after their behaviour over my/their weddings. Shows people's true colours IMO.

Have you asked her why she did this? Do your mutual friends know?

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/01/2018 19:20

That’s really poor behaviour on her part.

Giraffesarequitetall · 27/01/2018 19:21

Wow, i would be vweybpissed off too OP. She is really out of order.

Has she sent out invites yet?

DeStijl · 27/01/2018 19:22

I don't think I'd go. She isn't behaving like a best friend.

OlennasWimple · 27/01/2018 19:23

It's a bit odd, rather than cheeky. And given her pregnancy, I can see why she would want to do this for her wedding.

It would have been polite to mention it to you, but you don't have the rights over the venue so ultimately it's up to her

NorthernLurker · 27/01/2018 19:23

You and your fiancée only have four relatives to invite? No partners, no children, no ancient great aunt? And your best friend coincidentally also has a small number of relatives meaning that you are inviting exactly the same people, as presumably even your husbands to be have no close friends outside of that circle? Wow! What are the odds eh?

toolonglurking · 27/01/2018 19:25

She sounds like a dick, I'd probably not be her friend anymore. Don't go to her wedding, and try not to think about who might be comparing what at your wedding.

Nearlynewlywed · 27/01/2018 19:25

Wow that really is unbelievable, it is so hard faced! I totally understand where you're coming from, it sounds like a brilliant weekend you have planned but obviously having already done it five weeks earlier will take the shine off.

Do you think your mutual friends will go? Or do you think any of them might say something to her?

chocolateorangeowls · 27/01/2018 19:25

She's a knob to pick the same place with similar ideas and do it first. I'd spend those 5 weeks planning how to make every aspect of your wedding just that little bit better than hers 😁

BigApple11 · 27/01/2018 19:26

Unbelievable!!

SilenceIsBroken · 27/01/2018 19:26

Wow, I'm a registry office bride who thinks most wedding dilemmas are non issues and even I think she's out of order. Unbelievable!

Original poster
daftpink · 27/01/2018 19:27

She's told people the plans have changed, but hasn't announced the venue yet, so they don't know yet.

I really don't want to change my venue, it's perfect!

I'm just going to have to get over it, aren't I?

OP posts:
spiderbear · 27/01/2018 19:27

I would be absolutely fuming... and she would definitely know about it.
Your mate is completely out of order - can't believe she thinks it ok to steal your wedding!

glitterbiscuits · 27/01/2018 19:29

I’ve read some nasty things but this is awful. I’m so sorry. I would be broken hearted and I don’t even like weddings!

If you do change your plans then do not invite her!

timeisnotaline · 27/01/2018 19:29

Well, you have to put up with it. That’s not the same as getting over it. Wear white? Grin
And hope the pregnancy has made her crazy and she returns to normal by year end?

glitterbiscuits · 27/01/2018 19:30

Do your mutual friends know yet? Get in first and tell everyone. Maybe they will tell her how heartless she is.

NapQueen · 27/01/2018 19:34

Gosh she is definetly going to come off looking all "single white female".

Im afraid I would decline.

FancyNewBeesly · 27/01/2018 19:35

RSVP no, and include a link to this thread. What a vile thing to do.

I'd be working on ways to personalise your wedding, and make sure you don't tell her anything at all.

WineGummyBear · 27/01/2018 19:36

Truly shitty behaviour.

You do have some options. I think in your shoes I'd decline the invitation to her wedding. Not in a really huffy way but in a 'we'd really like to save the venue for our own wedding as it's something we put a lot of thought into and we want it to feel new to us' way.

I'd then focus on the positives, you and your DF and your families will still experience it for the first time. Your friendship group won't but that's beyond your control. Every wedding is unique and that's because of the people especially the families.

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 27/01/2018 19:36

Go to hers, sneak a note to the DJ changing the first dance to Agadoo.....

Ginger1982 · 27/01/2018 19:38

What a bitch. She is not your friend, least of all a BF!! If I was a guest at both weddings and suddenly received an invite for her new, earlier wedding I would be saying, 'is that not where X is getting married? Why have you picked there?' I think your friends will all be a bit shocked!