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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's stolen my wedding...

339 replies

daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:07

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

OP posts:
Original poster
daftpink · 27/01/2018 18:44

She can't see the problem and thinks I'm overreacting.

She will be having a sit down meal after her ceremony but that is the only difference really - same restaurant for the Friday, same registry office, and chilling out in the pool on Sunday.

OP posts:
missymisdemeanor · 27/01/2018 18:45

What did you say when she told you?

Cake20189 · 27/01/2018 18:45

Cheeky bitch!!!!!

Cake20189 · 27/01/2018 18:45

Show her this thread

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2018 18:45

It does sound a shitty thing to do.

Please do tell her how you feel, if you want to. Otherwise you may carry this anger around for a while.

My advice would be not to be bitter or angry to others, it won't look good and will make you seem on the back foot.

If you really feel you cannot go to her wedding because of this, I'd just tell her now, or cancel on the day due to 'illness' (sick of your friend).

I'd view her wedding as a prequel to your own and make everything better, classier and more memorable. Petty. I know, but that is what I would do. Have the garden filled with candels at sundown, or special chair covers, or amazing decorations in the venue or a cake that is make of profiteroles like the French.

www.craftsy.com/blog/2013/10/french-wedding-cakes/

If you want to switch venue for yours then do. You may lose the deposit but it may feel worth it, or they may be able to re-book and you not lose anything. This would only be my choice if I really could not face having the wedding in the same place.

Hullygully · 27/01/2018 18:47

Poo in the pool the minute you arrive and scream loudly during the ceremony because you see a ghost.

Emmageddon · 27/01/2018 18:47

Ask her how she'd feel if she'd booked her wedding first and you copycatted the whole damn thing, for a few weeks before hers? She's being ridiculous and not a very good friend. You are not overreacting!

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 27/01/2018 18:47

She is a cow for doing that. It is unforgiveable. Perhaps go to her wedding, and then cut her dead after (before??!!) Your wedding.

I would not lose any sleep over ditching a so called friend who did that.

Ohyesiam · 27/01/2018 18:47

I came on to say ooh grow up, but I think that is awful. You need to speak to her

MavisPike · 27/01/2018 18:47

the only reason she cant see a problem with it is because she is getting married first , cheeky cow
can some of your friends have a word ?

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2018 18:47

@daftpink do you need to use a registry office, could you have the ceremony at the venue, that would be a big difference. Or at another beautiful location?

Your friend is either very dim, or a good actress if she cannot see what a cheeky disrespectful thing this is to do.

Make your wedding 100 times better!

DancesWithOtters · 27/01/2018 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caffeinequick · 27/01/2018 18:49

Honestly I'm not sure I'd mind if it was a good friend of mine.

twilightsparkles · 27/01/2018 18:49

Quick get pregnant and steal her baby name
most hilarious response I've read so far

In all honestly i'm getting married and if my bff got engaged soon and chose the same place as me but earlier I'd be gutted there are a thousand other cottages/houses/venues . I would explain my feelings and if she doesn't like it and it causes a fuss I wouldn't class her as a bff anyway. its not a nice thing to do really i wouldn't dream of it. TBH I'm not friends with anyone I went to school with anymore but because most have used local venues I chose somewhere different i wouldn't want the same wedding I wanted unique. If shes intent on doing it and you want to save the relationship I would do what the rest say and class it as a trial run. just make sure you dont tell her anything else

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 27/01/2018 18:49

Have you pointed this out to her?

My future SIL did a similar thing to me, booked the same venue but a few months before me with an almost identical guest list... I didn’t want to compete so I cancelled mine and DH and I just went on holiday and got married there.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/01/2018 18:50

I'm usually one of the first of the 'you don't own

Italiangreyhound · 27/01/2018 18:51

The most important thing really is you are marrying your beloved!

Yes @Orlandsundry "You will have a whole lifetime with your DH and although this is all a bit annoying, it's your marriage and your family and friends that will make it for you"

Royalfuckup · 27/01/2018 18:51

She doesn’t see a problem?

Then the real problem is that she is an entitled cow.

TheAntiBoop · 27/01/2018 18:52

Thinking back to your friendship, is this really out of character or has she shown signs of competitiveness?

Royalfuckup · 27/01/2018 18:53

But at least your invites have already gone out so people will know you booked it first. And I wouldn't be above letting anyone (everyone) know it either (if it could be done somewhat subtly).

This definitely.

jerrysbellyhangslikejelly · 27/01/2018 18:55

Wow that's so lousy and odd, I think I'd be telling her that straight and finding myself otherwise engaged that day as she should be for yours.

BackToBasics4 · 27/01/2018 18:55

Maybe your guests will think it's off too, especially as they received an invite for your wedding first. If I received an invite to a friends wedding then a while later received an invite from her bf with the same venue etc I'd think it was odd and not a nice thing to do.

TournesolsetLavande · 27/01/2018 18:56

If she refuses to see why you have a problem with this then she's not really your best friend at all.

mumpoints · 27/01/2018 18:56

Well you'll have five weeks to correct her mistakes. Think of it as a dress rehearsal for yours!

CaraBosse1 · 27/01/2018 18:57

@DogTalk - I was thinking the same thing 😀

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