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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate my baby

332 replies

Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 01:17

He is safe with me I would never harm him. I don’t know what to do. He cries all day and all night he sleeps a total of around 4/24 hours all day the rest of it he is crying. He cries when I’m feeding him. He cries when I’m holding him. I’ve tried all the potions under the sun the doctors have given him for reflux etc but nothing helps. Health visitors don’t help, my family don’t help, nobody can help. I’ve tried keeping him close and I’ve tried getting him used to being put down. I’ve tried white noise. I’ve tried a jumperoo. I’ve tried swaddling. I’m always consistent with what I’m trying but nothing helps. I have two other children who he wakes all night long. One has to go to school exhausted every day. It’s been 5 months of torture, I honestly feel like climbing out of my window and jumping, if it wasn’t for my other children I probably would. Help me. I know other people have been through this. What Can I do?

OP posts:
TrojansAreSmegheads · 05/01/2018 01:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenBattleDroid · 05/01/2018 01:21

Oh you poor love, I haven't had it that but I remember how soul destroying the endless nights of no sleep felt. FlowersFlowers

I have no great pearls of wisdom other than have you tried beginnings of weaning given her 5 months? I know it's early but I remember my very projectile vommity baby calming with food.

PoopleBum · 05/01/2018 01:21

Firstly, this sounds horrendous and well done for making it this far.

Secondly, this isn’t normal. There’s something wrong. If baby is breastfed, it’s worth cutting out milk from your diet as a milk allergy might be the problem - soy and caffeine can cause stomach pain/ reflux and constant crying too I think. If baby is ff, go back to your doctor and ask that baby is tested for milk allergy/ push for prescription formula for babies with a milk allergy.

Most importantly, you’re not doing anything wrong. It sounds like your baby has something wrong and you should go back to your doctor and keep pushing for a solution. Don’t let them fob you off. Yes, babies cry, but not like this.

Good luck xxxx Flowers

Birdsgottafly · 05/01/2018 01:22

Be honest with your GP and get the support that you need.

It isn't usual for a baby to cry that much, it's no wonder you are feeling the way you are.

Anyhope · 05/01/2018 01:24

I know it is very hard. Try to find a mums support group locally then at least you can all moan together

AssassinatedBeauty · 05/01/2018 01:24

Do you have a partner? If so, are they giving you the chance to catch up on sleep?

Sleeping for only 4 hours must mean your baby is massively overtired and something must be stopping him sleeping. Does your doctor know how little sleep he's getting?

PanannyPanoo · 05/01/2018 01:27

Poor you, I have been there. Absolute torture. My daughter is 2 now and a dream.

Your Poor baby I wonder why he is so sad.
So he is 5 months old, is he breast or bottle fed? How much is he eating?
What are his nappies like.
Does he prefer to be upright against you, cradled in your arms, not being touched? in his pram?
Has he met his developmental milestones? does he react to noise, follow you with his eyes, smile, is his muscle tone normal etc etc?
How long does he sleep at a time, what position does he sleep in?

RonaldMcDonald · 05/01/2018 01:30

My last daughter was like that. I genuinely considered throwing her downstairs. I was exhausted and just so broken by the endless crying.

You need sleep, better support and the very honest ability to say that this is torture
Be kind to yourself even at your worst times
Be honest about whether your ability to cope has maybe been worn down and you need help from everyone and anyone ( including maybe the gp )
It isn't personal. Something is going on for your baby that you and it doesn't understand.
My incredibly sunny natured daughter (now) stopped being a maniac completely by 10mths..it tailed off before then
We figure she cried all her tears then as she is the easiest

Theshipsong · 05/01/2018 01:31

A reflux baby is hard work. You must be exhausted. If you are nursing the baby, can you express so the baby's father can look after the baby for a full night and let you get some proper sleep. Is the baby starting to sit up yet? Can your other children play with him for a little while to amuse him during the day?

I wore a sling in the house when my baby had reflux. It meant my hands were (relatively) free and the baby preferred it to being put down. I also did controlled crying at bedtime, it was a soft version of it where I didn't leave the room and I did it over a few weeks rather than days but ultimately despite what it was called, it was controlled crying. Lots of people understandably dislike this but I was desperate and also had an older child who was being woken.

Original poster
Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 01:31

I couldn’t keep up with breastfeeding with the constant crying I thought he was starving. He was on soy milk for 2 months but all it did was constipate him there was no change in his behaviour. My family will not look after him because they know what he is like and my partner is only home from work on sundays. Doctors do not take me seriously I don’t think. There is something wrong with him but they won’t refer us to any kind of paediatrician it’s always just “boo hoo sad face babies cry” I don’t have the energy to argue they don’t care at all.

OP posts:
Grammarist · 05/01/2018 01:34

Oh honey. Your poor thing. My son was very similar and I know how you feel. It's just awful.
What reflux meds' have you been given? If it's gaviscon, ask for something better as that is the shit, cheapest thing they can prescribe and there are much better drugs out there that can help. We used domperidone and ranitidine but I'm not sure if they prescribe those now. They literally changed our lives.

With reflux, your baby will need to be more upright and def not lie flat.

Are you breastfeeding? Have they checked for any allergies? It sounds highly likely that it could be a cow's milk protein allergy and you'll need to push your doctor for a referral.

Original poster
Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 01:35

I have an ergo baby carrier which I can keep him quiet in for long enough to get my daughter ready for school and that’s about it. I did cosleep with him as I did with my others, they always seemed more secure and content but he just screamed so much I’ve had to put him out of my room. Nappies are absolutely fine runny mustard. He sits up and recognises me and his siblings so development seems fine. I’m so lost. Thank you for all the replies it is distracting me from this horrible night.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 01:35

He’s had gaviscon and ranitidine.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 05/01/2018 01:37

Can you change GP practice or see a different GP in your current one? Is the HV also unsympathetic? It's appalling that they can say that a constantly crying baby that only sleeps for 4 hours a day is normal.

gingergenius · 05/01/2018 01:37

My firstborn was like this. He's 16 now. Cranial osteopathy made a difference

Grammarist · 05/01/2018 01:37

Just seen your post.
Glad your baby isn't on soy milk anymore. If he does have a cow's milk protein allergy then soy isn't a good alternative.

I know it's hard but you must go back to the doctors and insist on a referral to an allergy consultant. Five months is long enough to be dealing with this. Don't back down - your baby needs you to fight to get him checked out.

Massive hugs as you need it. I've been there. It's shit but you CAN do this. I promise!!

Grammarist · 05/01/2018 01:38

Are nappies slightly muscousy?

Grammarist · 05/01/2018 01:38

Mucousy

Theshipsong · 05/01/2018 01:38

My baby was lactose intolerant? I've just remembered that and honestly I can't remember much from the first twelve months of her life. It passed in a haze, but it did get better and now she is a much loved little girl who loves to make people laugh whereas her sibling was a dream baby and now cries at the drop of a hat! It does get better. It really really does.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 05/01/2018 01:39

Sorry if this is telling your Grandmother to suck eggs and you've already tried it, but have you tried Dr Brown's reflux bottles, reflux milk and keeping him upright. I had twins with reflux last year, it wasn't as bad as yours but there were two of them so I sympathise with the no sleep, it's hell. Flowers

Grammarist · 05/01/2018 01:42

I've got to go to sleep but I think you need to go into the doctors; sit there and basically refuse to leave until they do a referral. That's what I had to do. Many years later my DS is still under the care of the allergy team, so I was right.
You know instinctively that something isn't right and I bet anything that you're right too xxxxx

gingergenius · 05/01/2018 01:42

It really fucking sick when babies are like this. Sometimes it's just the way they are. I went through hell with number 1 but ended up with 3.

Is your oh in board with care?
If not can someone else you live and trust put up with the crap for a while so you can rest?

Eatingwormswithwine · 05/01/2018 01:44

This might sound weird but have you tried sharing a big deep warm bath with him. This always calmed my baby down when nothing else would. Both of you get in.

My baby was later diagnosed with a rare genetic condition that explained allthe crying but at the time we were just demented.

MinorRSole · 05/01/2018 01:45

It's been a while since mine were babies but do they still have mustardy nappies at 5 months? I'm sure mine didn't but maybe just a memory thing

I know you're tired but I think it's time to really fight your corner (and his, he sounds miserable). This isn't normal for a 5 month old so something is clearly causing all this screaming.

Insist on a referral, take your pushiest relative with you - the one nobody says no to.

I really feel for you, it sounds exhausting

Also see a new gp if you can - is there one at the surgery you haven't been to?

IlikemyTeahot · 05/01/2018 01:46

Have u tried giving him a gentle massage before bed maybe his tummy hurts?
And I know its not great advice but when u are awake during the day could he possibly have a nap on his front if he stays in your sight? I had a tricky baby she seemed to scream all day a really awful piercing scream and was told nothing wrong. The above methods along with a warm lavender bath seemed to settle her for a bit longer....oh and 8 years later she was diagnosed as lactose intolerant...wish I knew that then.
Babies usually cry continually when too hot/cold hungry in pain or just want comfort so If you've tried all of the above and its not working you need another opinion...You know something isn't right with your baby don't let others fob you off go to A&E if you have to...I know that may seem dramatic but you desperately need to find out what's wrong and this will be the fastest way to get to the bottom of it.
I'm sorry if anyone disagrees with that but heck their babies they can't tell us what's wrong, can they?
I can't understand why G.P and health visitors are overlooking the fact that you are struggling and with other DC to deal with too!
Follow your instincts O.P and I hope you will get to the bottom of this asap so you can get some much needed rest. I'm tempted to ask why DP can't spend more time at home but I Imagine you both have your reasons. Flowers Brew
Are parents near enough to watch other DC if you decided to go to the hospital?