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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate my baby

332 replies

Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 01:17

He is safe with me I would never harm him. I don’t know what to do. He cries all day and all night he sleeps a total of around 4/24 hours all day the rest of it he is crying. He cries when I’m feeding him. He cries when I’m holding him. I’ve tried all the potions under the sun the doctors have given him for reflux etc but nothing helps. Health visitors don’t help, my family don’t help, nobody can help. I’ve tried keeping him close and I’ve tried getting him used to being put down. I’ve tried white noise. I’ve tried a jumperoo. I’ve tried swaddling. I’m always consistent with what I’m trying but nothing helps. I have two other children who he wakes all night long. One has to go to school exhausted every day. It’s been 5 months of torture, I honestly feel like climbing out of my window and jumping, if it wasn’t for my other children I probably would. Help me. I know other people have been through this. What Can I do?

OP posts:
Whichschool2020 · 05/01/2018 10:43

Hope today goes well OP. Don’t be fobbed off! My first was exactly the same. Screamed all day and night. Slept for absolute max an hour at a time, more like 20-30 mins. GP was hopeless. Gave her gaviscon and it made no difference. I was a young first time mum and didn’t push for what she needed, just thought she was a particularly difficult (in the sense that she cried all the time!) baby. She was like it until she was about 6 months then weaning helped. Interestingly as soon as we introduced food she began to cut back on her milk very quickly- in fact we had to stop weaning at 4 months because she started refusing bottles. I do now wonder if she had a cows milk allergy or similar. Really wish I’d pushed harder. It’s awful having a baby who doesn’t settle. Soul destroying. I remember not wanting to take her out because she’d just cry. Sad my second wasn’t as bad, and I did take him to a cranial osteopath. I’m usually hugely sceptical and whether it was a placebo effect or not, it did make him a bit more settled. Had he had been as bad as my first I probably would have pushed for allergy testing.

Aurea · 05/01/2018 10:46

I haven't read all through the thread, but could he be constantly hungry? My two big boys cried a lot before they were weaned. The official advice when my 16 year old was a baby was to wean at 4 months. I understand it's later now?

Good luck!

Aurea · 05/01/2018 10:50

I'm about to go on a training course for Homestart. It's a national charity with volunteers who help people like you. A volunteer will watch your baby for a morning a week and give you general support.

Find your local branch and give them a call.......

user789653241 · 05/01/2018 11:16

Aurea, I had a help from Homestart. It was great. I had a nice lady come in each week to have a chat.She said how she can help depend on each individual. If I needed a nap, she said she can look after my ds, or she can do tidying or washing up if I needed. I didn't need physical help, but someone just listening to me and my worries regularly was a god send.
Even after years, I keep in touch with her, she was a great help.

ginorwine · 05/01/2018 11:22

I had a baby like this
I was dizzy with exhaustion
On reflection it's not normal
( although he was also noise sensitive and cried with alarm at playgroup as an older baby but this a separate issue )
I tired to keep him as upright as possible in a sling in the day and even wen he was asleep which meant on me much of the time as if he was flat he would squirm and wake up - I could see his discomfort . He woke every 40 mins in the night .
I should have got help but I was so tired I cdnt think .

The only things that helped me was
Someone took him from 6 till 9 and I slept no matter what .
This was dh . Then I took over at night and rest of time as dh at work .
Knowing I had that time helped as did homeopathy . Some people had cranial something done .
The doctor eventually prescribed phenagan but it did not work .
So it was adapting to him and time for me but I would def recommend shouting out for help from h v and gp and anyone else .
At times we paid a trusted teen to sit with him so we could simply rest .

ginorwine · 05/01/2018 11:23

We were upstairs and she was downstairs so we were nearby but resting up .

BigBaboonBum · 05/01/2018 11:30

My eldest was the exact same, and then turned into the easiest most lovely child I could have ever dreamt of. If somebody asked me to dream up the perfect child - it would have been him... yet as a baby, he was the polar opposite. A nightmare, possibly sent from the devil himself to taunt me for some past life crimes? I don’t know. It sure felt like it.
The only thing that ever got him to stop crying was taking him outside for long walks (and he could cry for the first parts until he fell asleep). I used to take my mini tv thing and headphones and watch tv whilst walking miles with him as nothing else worked (unsure if this worked as such or just made putting up with it more bearable until he passed out).
I’m so sorry you’re going through this Flowers . Remember to hug the little bugger in between all the cries because chances are they are going to turn out lovely - and you will be a wonderful mother, but unfortunately nobody on the planet can be a good mother to someone that cries constantly, but it will absolutely pass. Don’t be hard on yourself! Have you tried groups? I found when he was distracted it helped things too

BigBaboonBum · 05/01/2018 11:32

And to add to this, as pp said I didn’t know it wasn’t normal either! Not until I had my second. I still remember the feeling of pure exhaustion from the first, I was just tired with the second but nothing even close to the first

BigBaboonBum · 05/01/2018 11:33

Oh and I walked with him in a sling not a pram*

Underparmummy · 05/01/2018 11:36

Agree with PPs on omeprazole. Stopped by dd2 being like this almost overnight. She still didn't sleep great but stopped wailing constantly at me 24/7.

Underparmummy · 05/01/2018 11:37

And also echoing PPs my dd2 is now my easiest child!

hollowtree · 05/01/2018 11:56

No helpful advice I'm afraid, but I called DH at work a couple of weeks ago and just cried at him that he had to come home (It was already 5pm and he only had half hour left but still).

Sometimes it's just too fucking much for one person! And... I am not dealing with the things you are AND I only have one.

I suck. It sucks. You're amazing

needtogiveitablow · 05/01/2018 12:34

Also just to add we were advised to wean earlier (interestingly the paediatrician had said if it had been picked up earlier they advise weaning from 16-20 weeks where there is an intolerance which we did with DD). We did wean earlier with DS and found he cut his bottles very very quickly and dropped to 2 a day within about 6 weeks. His reflux cleared up and after following the milk ladder he was eating dairy by about 14m old with no issues. DD is 8 months old now and the only thing we haven’t tried her with is cheese on its own l but she’s managing milk and cheese cooked into food with no issues at all - fingers crossed you get answers soon!

Original poster
Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 12:53

Thank you for all the new messages I am devastated the GP was absolutely useless. She increased the ranitidine and did the whole boo hoo he’s a fussy baby and told me to read a book. Completely refused to address the milk as his weight is average, wouldn’t consider changing the medication and said she can’t refer him with no symptoms like consistent painful screaming isn’t enough. In the end I had to leave because I cried. There are no local health visitor clinics until Monday. I’m just going to wait until he is at his absolute worst tonight and take him to A&E there is nothing else I can do. She has made me feel utterly stupid.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somebodyhelpmeplease · 05/01/2018 12:54

She did suggest I wean early and give small bottles more frequently to reduce the amount rising into his oesophagus which I’m going to start today.

OP posts:
Underparmummy · 05/01/2018 12:55

somebody - I went to a and e too and get first lot of omeprazole there.

sadie9 · 05/01/2018 12:58

Mine was like this. The only thing that really helped was starting her on solid food just after 4 months. She settled down after a couple of weeks and started sleeping. I'd hate her in the middle of the night when she was screaming. Then adored her and felt so guilty when she was asleep! I used to walk the floor and sang the song '10 green bottles' to her but I would start at '100' instead of 10 because it would take at least that many verses for her to go to sleep.

BigBaboonBum · 05/01/2018 13:04

Have you looked into milk protein intolerance? It’s different to lactose etc. The doctor at Alderney children’s hospital said it’s a massive reason (and usually always overlooked) for fussy babies and you need a special milk for it (prescribed by doctor, or just don’t eat milk protein if breastfeeding, although maybe you can find one online that isn’t prescribed)

BigBaboonBum · 05/01/2018 13:05

Also soy protein is very similar to milk protein so try to avoid that too, it’s slightly smaller and easier to digest so is technically better but some babies still struggle - as do adults

lambinapram · 05/01/2018 13:07

Cranial osteopathy should help.

AssassinatedBeauty · 05/01/2018 13:08

Oh that's so disappointing that they were so incredibly unsupportive. Did they try to tell you that 4 hrs sleep in 24 hrs is normal??

soimpressed · 05/01/2018 13:08

My DS was like this. Luckily I was able to breastfeed him as this was the only thing that would soothe him. He turned out to have multiple allergies. According to a dietician, he was probably in a lot of pain as a baby because the things he was allergic to would have passed through my milk into him. It is so difficult, but it will pass. Keep asking for help even if people turn you away. Don't ever feel bad about shutting the door on him and having a cup of tea.

Whichschool2020 · 05/01/2018 13:08

That is totally rubbish. I’m the first person to say unneccessary trips to A&E are a huge waste of resources etc, BUT I don’t blame you for taking him later- what other option do you have when the GP has been so useless? Sad

Yogagirl123 · 05/01/2018 13:20

Your poor thing OP, I can empathise my DS2 was just how you describe, it was so hard to bond with him, I also had DS1 at just 21mths! It was such a terrible time.

MIL stayed one night a week and had DS2 all through the night and insisted that DH & I go out for the evening, to get away from the baby for a while. It kept us sane, and when DS2 got to around 7mths he did start to improve, so hang on in there, it will get easier.

But I know it is hard to see the wood for the trees, when the situation seems never ending. I also felt such guilt for not feeling in love with him.

Keep your chin up, and ask for help, if it’s not forth coming, have you any family close by or any good friends who could take baby off your hands for a couple of hours? DS2 was the reason we never had a third, no way could we risk going through that again, not for a million pound!

Mishappening · 05/01/2018 13:20

Oh god it is grim isn't it. I am sending you a ton of hugs.

When I had my second, a friend popped by, took one look at me, and swept the two children away for the day - I have no idea what she fed her during that time, and no idea where they went - I just went to sleep and frankly did not care!

Lots of good suggestions above from folk with lots of experience - I hope very much that one of these will do the trick.

In the meantime please please do not feel bad about feeling desperate and having negative thoughts towards your baby - it is entirely normal to hate a torturer! Sleep deprivation is a known form of torture.

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