I hate my baby

[Somebodyhelpmeplease]

He is safe with me I would never harm him. I don’t know what to do. He cries all day and all night he sleeps a total of around 4/24 hours all day the rest of it he is crying. He cries when I’m feeding him. He cries when I’m holding him. I’ve tried all the potions under the sun the doctors have given him for reflux etc but nothing helps. Health visitors don’t help, my family don’t help, nobody can help. I’ve tried keeping him close and I’ve tried getting him used to being put down. I’ve tried white noise. I’ve tried a jumperoo. I’ve tried swaddling. I’m always consistent with what I’m trying but nothing helps. I have two other children who he wakes all night long. One has to go to school exhausted every day. It’s been 5 months of torture, I honestly feel like climbing out of my window and jumping, if it wasn’t for my other children I probably would. Help me. I know other people have been through this. What Can I do?

I echo what everyone else has said, sounds exactly like my DD and it was a cows milk intolerance causing silent reflux. I sat in a rocking chair upright at night for 4 months until the omeprazole was prescribed and hypoallergenic milk. Worst time of my life. I cried every day.
I think you are an amazing mum that clearly cares for her children and knows something isn't right, you've not gone oh well they just cry I'll just get through it, you've been so proactive and strong to get to this point. The doctors aren't in your house every day and night to see this which is a shame, I think support would come quicker if that was so!
Sending you a lot of positive thoughts today that you'll get help from the doctors

It’s extra misery when Dr / hps are dismissive. I hope that today they buck up and help you properly

My DS cried from the moment he was born and neither he or I slept for a solid 8 weeks. Doctor fobbed me off with gaviscon etc several times. My mum came to stay in week 8 to give me a break and I remember practically throwing DS at her, walking out of the house and not wanting to come back. She went with me to the docs for moral support and I insisted I wasn't leaving without someone taking me seriously. The change in him after one day when they prescribed lactose free formula was like a miracle.
DS had lactose intolerance and reflux. the reflux improved when he went onto solids, and the LI he grew out of and was signed off from his paed by his 2nd Birthday.
Good luck today hope you get some help, be strong and insistent.

I haven't had time to read all of these posts but from what you have posted OP this isn't normal sounds like your baby is in pain. My osteopath friend had a case where a baby was in so much pain & cried constantly. It turned out it was a trapped nerve in their neck after delivery. After one treatment it started helping.

I'm not saying it's this but I would certainly take a crack at going to see a good osteopath to see if they can help diagnose what's going on. Often it's cranial that's the issue. How was the birth? We're forceps used?

So so sorry you're going through this & good luck

OP I could have written your post myself a couple of months ago. My DD has been diagnosed with cows milk protein intolerance as well as reflux. Her symptoms were inconsolable crying, refusing to feed, wanting to feed but not, dry skin on her face, mucous in nappies, explosive nappies as well as struggling to actually fill her nappy and crying in pain when she did.

It did take numerous doctors visits sometimes twice a week as I wasn't happy with being told babies cry. It was even once suggested that I had PND!!! (Yes I was crying and upset but in desperation that I couldn't help my baby).

I know what it's like to not want to leave the house and I hated sitting in the Drs waiting room with a crying baby and everyone staring or people asking awww is she hungry. (Yes but you get her to feed) But in the end it helps with the Drs seeing and hearing it too.

You've got all that going on and other DC to look after. You're doing great!!!!

My DD was cows milk intolerant. She would arch her back especially after a feed and scream and scream and scream. Nothing could calm her. She also projectile vomited copious amounts!! I knew it was not normal, none of my friends babies screamed or vomited as much. Actually in-between I could see DD was a very sweet natured baby so something was very wrong. I had multiple doctors appointments who told me I was a tired new mum.....she was bleeding from her bowel before we got a referral. It is so hard and you have all my sympathy. Trust your instincts and stick to your guns.
Interesting if cows milk turned his poo green, was it very slimey? DD poo went green before it degenerated to having blood in it.
The good news for us was that Neocate formula once prescribed really helped.
Hang in there

I have no useful ideas to add as so many mn'ers have already shared lots. But I am sending you a hug, I hope that you get help for your baby asap.

Good luck today. You will get this sorted.

Good luck today

Dd was like this. She w as an unhappy baby and a miserable, clingy, fearful toddler-complete shock after sunny ds. I suspected some reflux, although she was bf. I also suspect a little intolerance, as she gets 'shiners' under her eyes.

She's a fab school age child though, so it does get better.

Good luck OP. DO NOT BACK DOWN!

Your post has actually made me cry. I could have written it. It took 4.5 months of GP visits and health visitors fobbing me off before we finally saw a lovely GP out of hours who said it was obviously his food. I sobbed with relief - the GP told me I just needed my mum to come and stay as I was obviously struggling to accept that babies do just cry. My health visitor mumbled something about maybe seeing a cranial osteopath and fled after sitting next to me for an hour while DS was in full cry.

The out of hours GP prescribed lactose free formula and said not to worry, our normal GP would give us lots of support and a different prescription of the lactose free didn’t work after a few days. Our GP was rubbish. When I spoke to her she said she ‘didn’t know anything about lactose intolerance in babies’ so we should just get on with it!

The lactose free helped, but DS still wasn’t right so we were prescribed Nutramigen by another GP. My DS was like a different baby.

I have felt so guilty since then that he was in pain for so long. Reading your post reminded me how awful it was. Like you, my DH and family couldn’t / wouldn’t help when they realised how awful it was. When you get this sorted, and you will, be kind to yourself. You have been through hell and you are amazing

In case it’s still helpful, DS’s symptoms were:
Screaming/ crying inconsolably, especially 1.5 - 2 hours after a feed
Not sleeping (see above)
Snuffly
Constipated / loose nappies but sometimes fine
Eczema patches
Occasionally unexplained rashes
Pulling up legs
Trying to avoid feeds - clearly hungry but not wanting to eat

I now see a brilliant dietician and my 18 month old DS is amazing. Sleeps at night and eats well. Sometimes when he is in pain with teething I can see he panics, so he clearly remembers, but other than that he has no other issues.

I really hope that helps, and you get the support you both need. If you’re worried you won’t, then do as a PP did and sit in the waiting room for an hour before your appointment. That should focus your Drs mind.

You’ve had lots of great advice, just wanted to wish you good luck with the GP today

I felt like that with my DD, she had an undiagnosed posterior tongue tie and also silent reflux. Gaviscon and ranitidine did nothing but they have to try the gentler meds before giving you the stronger stuff.

My DD finally got prescribed lansoprazol (similar to omeprazol) at 7 months old and within a week was a different child. She's still on it now aged 3 and if we forget to give it to her the symptoms come back and she is tantrumy and very unhappy so it is obviously working.

My health visitors were shit, the GPS were shit. I ended up switching surgeries and then demanding to be referred to a specialist. From the on we were looked after by the hospital and the care we got improved massively. You need to be very assertive to get anywhere which is difficult when you are sleep deprived. Good luck

This was us. My daughter had severe reflux and intolerance. In the end she refused all milk and we took her to A&E were we refused to back down and they eventually saw how bad she was. (We were admitted and she was tube fed for weeks) she literally never stopped crying or slept it was like torture.

We were given several medications that needed readjusting as she put on weight and a prescribed formula. It did get slightly easier when I weaned her and she was such a little happy thing by the time she was one.

It was the worst time of my life. I think I had undiagnosed Postnatal depression I wanted to walk away and never see anyone ever again. I felt like I was going mad. It makes me so angry when I think back to how we were treated/ignored.

My first was like that. Dreadful. No sleep always being sick, projectile vomiting ( didn't know that it was called that at the time) and awful nappies. They apparently ( found out when 2 1/2 yrs) that GP and HV put him down as a " failure to thrive" baby and didn't expect him to live. He is 40 now. We had an awful birth. He was resuscitated and in SCUBA for first weeks. He didn't sleep in the day from 6 weeks, went to sleep after four hours screaming at night and work every two hours to either feed or be sick. I was demented.
Baby 3 started off similarly but not as wakeful I had read a lot of books by then including my life saver Breast is Best. This book went into allergies so I stopped all dairy. He improved when weaning I was told to put him on soya milk but I felt it made him worse. HV said No it wouldn't be the milk. Eventually I took him to private dietician in our village. He had a dairy and soya allergy! Soya intolerance is quite common and we put him on goats milk and he never looked back. I just wished I had known that when I was 20.
Is there any neighbours that are older that might be willing to take him out in the pram for an hour even if just once a week. I offered the girl next door and I was disappointed she didn't take me up on it. I miss pushing a pram so think about someone else otherwise what about groups like Contact a Family where you could get some support. Failing that could you put him in nursery/childminder once a week. That way someone else could see and support your view to GP or HV. Try a different GP maybe female with kids.You would get a break too.
I think your family are really mean not to help. Ask again, stipulate time just one hour. Tell them you are desperate for a break.
My eldest son gradually improved but nearly put me off having any more.

I'm afraid I have no good advice other than to listen to these guys and get help, make them listen to you.
It sound horrendous and I can imagine you must be at the end of your tether. Make this the day to get wheels in motion and hopefully in a month this will be a distant memory. Good luck, go and get 'em!!!

My symptoms were:
Crying
Not sleeping
Dry skin (peeling everywhere)
Grunting
Snuffly
Fussing at feeds (on and off) frantically sucking and then pulling off crying.
He still has bad wind after being dairy free for a few weeks so not sure if thsts related.

I am quite amazed so many of us have been let down by GPs.
I have even more cynical outcomes, my ds become relatively happy baby after diagnosis of allergy but violent vomiting continued occasionally, until he was 2, hospitalised for severe vomiting which happened after numerous visit to GP and A&E. They couldn't find the cause, so they were going to discharge us after a week, but decided to do ultra sound just in case. They found the cause straight away, and he was referred to specialist hospital in London. The doctors there was really surprised they didn't find it until then. One quick ultrasound could have saved him for tolerating so much pain for years... he could have ended up on transplant list if it took a bit longer. So in the end, we were lucky, but I really wish I was strong enough to stand up to doctors and demanded to get him tested earlier.

I would agree with the poster above who suggests an allergy. This is typical of dairy allergy, so it might be worth cutting out dairy for a couple of weeks to see if it helps. Eat lots of almonds, green leafy veg and other sources of calcium instead.
No wonder you feel totally at the end of your rope. What about your OH? You need as much help as you can get, someone to take over for a few hours to let you sleep. Why won't your mother help?

I'm so sorry OP. I'm sad to say the GP only took my son's reflux seriously when DH took time off work and came with us to an appointment. I think they just dismissed me as an over-anxious mother (first-time one at that)

I have everything crossed for you.

We had similar. she was 3 months old and had screamed continually from 3 weeks of age. I took her to HV and Dr. at least weekly and every time they told me she was normal and I was nuts - babies cry. Eventually we went to A&E as she developed a rash - I was fairly sure it was an allergy to her bath foam but said nothing. The paed took one look at her and diagnosed reflux. She also had a UTI so we spent a week in the hospital with her on an antibiotic drip and finally her feeding improved. To be honest it was never great but once we got that initial diagnosis I became the Drs worst nightmare and would arrive and demand additional medication and then a dietician referral when she started refusing her milk altogether at 8 months. Her sleep was horrid until she was over 12 months old and I have never been so exhausted. It was so awful we didn't have any more children.

You have my sympathy. Go to the Dr. and insist on a referral to a paediatrician. A GP won't cut it.

My DD was like this, she literally did nothing but cry. Every time I took her out in the pram people would ask what was wrong and offered a place for me to feed her she is obviously hungry (she wasn't). I ended up with severe PND and DP had a vasectomy to make sure it couldn't happen again. She was DC3 and none of the others had been like her. We tried Gaviscon for reflux, changing milk, different pushchairs and prams. Nothing worked. Fast forward 7 years and she is the quietest, most sensible of my 3 DC. she is my best sleeper and an absolute angel and I often say I need all 3 to be like her. Hang on in there. It will get better x

" It was so awful we didn't have any more children. " Exactly same for us.

"A GP won't cut it." Totally agree.

If she had been our first we wouldn't have had any more either.