I hate my baby

[Somebodyhelpmeplease]

He is safe with me I would never harm him. I don’t know what to do. He cries all day and all night he sleeps a total of around 4/24 hours all day the rest of it he is crying. He cries when I’m feeding him. He cries when I’m holding him. I’ve tried all the potions under the sun the doctors have given him for reflux etc but nothing helps. Health visitors don’t help, my family don’t help, nobody can help. I’ve tried keeping him close and I’ve tried getting him used to being put down. I’ve tried white noise. I’ve tried a jumperoo. I’ve tried swaddling. I’m always consistent with what I’m trying but nothing helps. I have two other children who he wakes all night long. One has to go to school exhausted every day. It’s been 5 months of torture, I honestly feel like climbing out of my window and jumping, if it wasn’t for my other children I probably would. Help me. I know other people have been through this. What Can I do?

So sorry for you OP. I have a tiny idea of what this is like as my DD cried so much. Without wanting to sound frivolous is there any way in the world someone in your family can stay for one night and you go to your local premier inn? In hindsight I really wish I had done this when it got really bad. I think 20 hours respite will do you the world of good. You shouldn't be dealing with this alone. Also is say if you ate not getting anywhere with go is there any way you can pay for a private allergy clinic? Again this is something I wish I had done sooner. Best of luck, thinking of you.

@Eatingwormswithwine omg yes! Remember doing that with 2 of mine! Was lovely - actually miss it now!

I ended up sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's surgery for 2 hours before my appointment for my son, as he was almost exactly as you described. I went early and sat there so that they heard what he was like, and how nothing calmed him.

My doctor, after hearing how distressed he and I both were, referred me to a paediatric allergy specialist, and even rang them herself to make an emergency appointment.

My son was diagnosed with allergies to dairy AND soy. As it was all dairy (so cow, goat, etc) and soy, all the alternative formulas (the lactose free, soy etc) that were tried didn't work, as he was still allergic to them.

The allergy specialist prescribed a new formula based on rice, it is expensive and requires a prescription here (and it actually tastes quite nice, all the other older ones taste feral). But it worked!

My son is now like a different child, and is sleeping 10 - 12 hours a night (a big change from 20 minute cat naps a few times a day or night), and the crying and pain have stopped.

I was a first time mum, and got told often that "all babies cry, it's normal", I did the waiting room camp out because no one would listen or believe it was more than normal crying every baby does.

You know something is wrong, because you are the one with your child! You also know it is different from the other children you have. Please keep pushing for a doctor to listen - it sounds like there is definitely something wrong with your poor Bub, and both of you need some help.

Hugs from me for both your Bub and yourself.

Sorry for typos.... if you are not getting anywhere with gp......

Can you write a diary before your next appointment.
Detail how long he is sleeping - I assume that 4 hours is broken into
lots of naps of a few minutes here are there rather than sleeping from 4-8 or whatever.

I held my daughter upright for 6 months as she would go blue and stop breathing when laid down. She slept for 30 mins- hour at a time 5 or 6 times over 24 hours and cried the rest of the time. GP reacted as yours did, helpfully told me to call 999 if she didn't start breathing again when she went blue. I breast fed.

When she was 6 months she had her first taste of formula. as soon as it touched her lip she went into anaphylactic shock, blue light to hospital. No space for us on children's ward so had to go home that evening. Back to GP for a referral who told me to come back if it happened again.

I lost it then. Said I was not prepared to risk her life and he would refer me now. He did. The hospital rang the same day and saw her the next day.
Turned out she had life threatening allergies to many many foods and reacted through my milk. She was also allergic to soya and 3 of the specialised formulas we tried.

Your little one could have cow's milk protein intolerance from the formula, many children with this are also unable to have soya, so that would not have helped.

It could be something completely unrelated to diet, such as issues with eye sight, or understanding so he is not making sense of the world. Inner ear issues causing pain. Anything causing pain, or confusion.

How is your health visitor? Mine came into her own and was incredibly supportive. maybe worth giving her a ring tomorrow and making sure she understands how hard it is for you. I wish I had made a fuss months before, but I was too exhausted to fight and no one seemed to care.

I hope you get some answers and sleep soon.

I totally and completely sympathise with you, it sounds absolutely terrible, so please keep talking. Let's hope we can at least give you a bit of Internet Support.

Is it possible to ask your husband to take some holiday until you can get this sorted out a bit? I would second going back to the GP and being very insistent. Us women have a bit of a habit of being too polite and playing down the awful effects this has on us.
I also found my Sure Start centre helpful - even social services if nobody listens, because they need to, this is not normal.

Well firstly you need to either go into your GP and be assertive with them and tell them what you have told us. Have you got anyone who will go with you for moral support.
There has to be something wrong, as pp says. "Yes,babies cries but not this mUch" Something must be bothering him.
((((((((((((())))))))))))))))

Insist on a referral. Don't leave the gps office until you get it.

Would it be worth asking school run parents for GP recommendations to see if there's anyone more sympathetic?

Won't anyone have him while you sleep? I'd do it in a heart beat, I don't mind noise, I'd rock him and talk/sing all night. It's easy if you're not sleep deprived. Do you have parents?

Apologies for my very long thread previously but just had another thought. Are they sure it is reflux? What symptoms does he have? And what was the reason for the soy milk? Also have u tried co- lactose tablets?
Sorry for so many questions..just been there (3Dcs various issues) and wish I could help you figure this out
I had DC3 diagnosed with reflux at 8mths old ? By 2 doctors as he was constantly coughing and crying a lot 3rd and 4th docs told me it was a chest infection and gave antibiotics...cleared up right away. I would to keep on at GP till U get positive results, they're not always correct xx

I am so sorry, that sounds incredibly tough and we'll done on seeking help. As well as the advice on the baby others have given, I think you should book a GP appointment separately for yourself and detail the toll this is taking on your mental health. You mention not having the energy to argue when fobbed off by the doctor so write it down in advance and hand it over if that feels more in control for you. Tell them what you have said in your post. You and your baby have been failed by your support services so far but please don't give up. Tell your health visitor as well. Tell anyone who can support you - perhaps your elder child's school could suggest some services you have not thought of, if as you say it is affecting the older child's sleep and schooling. And yes to insisting your husband take leave, unpaid if necessary, to help you with this.

My youngest was like this, I literally couldn't put her down and 'slept' on the sofa for 6 months.
Gp also diagnosed reflux and prescribed medication which didn't work. By chance I saw a locum gp at another appointment and he suspected a milk allergy and prescribed Nutramigen and referred to a dietician.
My dd was like a different baby almost overnight.
Keep on at your gp, you know somethings not right and it's awful you're going through this alone.

Whether you find help or not, know this: even those who love their children most are sometimes exhausted by them. Infuriated by them. So tired that sleep seems something to be won at any cost.

I remember this period with my own baby. So awful. And it seemed endless.

But it passed. It passed. And so quickly that those days and weeks and months now seem like a bad dream. Remember that.

And remember that putting a baby down and letting him cry (which is not and would never be anyone's preference) is, when our own mental health is at stake, better than being broken by the experience.

Be kind to yourself. We've all been there. You're just being more honest than most.

I'm so sorry, it sounds like an horrific situation and a form of torture for the whole family but especially you. To have survived this far is amazing but you need help.

Request omeprazole in case its reflux. One of mine started omeprazole at a week of age (in a hospital setting). That's after a weeks failure with ranitidine. Imagine having to hammer in a huge nail and someone gives you a little tackhammer (ranitidine), you 'may' eventually get there but it doesn't really do the job, whereas a proper large hammer (omeprazole) will get you done after a few swings. At 5 months you will have to faff around with it (get it compounded or get them to show you how to uniformly disperse and correctly dose it yourself). The tablets are small and my child was even able to take half a tablet with a spoonful of yoghurt by 9 months even when they could not tolerate any solids with lumps (due to medical issues) so the faffing around with either compounded stuff or dispersing/dosing yourself will not last forever.

Also insist on allergy testing.

Absolutely do NOT move from the chair in front of the doctor until they put steps in place to figure out what the issue is. This is not normal and they need to both support you and figure out what is wrong. You cannot survive in this situation without assistance, make that very clear.

Also, would getting some sort of maternity nurse be a possibility? To help you get a chance to sort out the presumed medical issues, and give you some support. No idea if financially possible/space in house obviously..... just wondering if you can pay for someone to come and help.

Thank you so much for all the replies it has really given me something else to focus on I felt ready to snap My partner runs our business but it’s in the early stages so if he took time off we wouldn’t have a penny. He tries his best when he can but I don’t think he appreciates how bad it is either. I will make an appointment to see GP first thing tomorrow and won’t leave until something’s done. The health visitors don’t even get back to me when I call. I was starting to believe maybe there was nothing physically wrong but you’re all right it’s clearly not normal. I’ve slept on the sofa with him for months to keep him upright it’s the last few days I’ve given up. He naps next to me on his tummy for 10 mins at a time a few times a day but that’s all. I just want him to be comfortable. I can deal with clingy babies the other two lived in the carrier and slept in my bed but this doesn’t help him, separation is not the issue.

Has he seen a paediatrician, or just the GP/HV? This does sound more than normal. Some babies do better on omeprazole (at a good dose) than ranitidine. And a fair few cows milk protein intolerant/allergic babies are also intolerant/allergic to soya, so could well be worth a trial of hydrolysed (partially broken down) or even amino acid based (totally broken down) formula. If your GP really isn't happy to try anything else, please push for a paediatric opinion. Not every crying baby has an easy fix, but most of them can be helped. And you're crying out for help.

Please, please dont do the deep bath.
You are so tired the risk of falling asleep in there with your baby is huge.

Sorry just reading the new posts. We don’t have the money for private/extra help I’m a student midwife on maternity leave so don’t have much coming in. When I feel I’m going to lose it I just close him in my bedroom (3rd floor) and have a cup of tea. I feel disgusting doing it but sometimes it’s all I have. Will write down all of these suggestions and take them with me tomorrow everyone has been so kind and helpful. He was on soy because when I switched from breastfeeding his poo turned to green clay on cowsmilk formula so they thought he might have an intolerance. When I trialed it again a few months later his poo was back to healthy soft and yellow.

Firstly, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been where you are (although your baby sound worse to be honest!) and it SUCKS!

My DD had severe (according to her pediatrician) silent reflux, colic, dairy and soy allergies and 75% tongue tie (posterior and anterior).

Please don't sleep with your baby on the sofa. It is quite literally the most dangerous sleeping arrangement possible.

If you have to let them sleep upright on you (I did this with DD or she wouldn't sleep) then or a double mattress on the floor, and put pillows behind you back away from the baby and tuck all blankets (no duvet) around your legs so it can't ride upwards. Then lock your hands underneath baby's bottom. I used to sleep like that and me and Lo never moved an inch.

Next. Forget ranitidine it's crap. Made my DD worse.

You need Omeprazole. My DD needed 20mg daily to achieve symptom control.

You also need a trial of a highly hydrologysed formula milk. Over 60% of babies who are allergic to cows milk protein are allergic to soy. And it's not recommended for baby boys in particular due to concerns of soy oestrogens.

DO NOT LEAVE THE GP UNTIL THEY GIVE YOU THESE THINGS.

Don't let them fob you off with cheaper lactose free formula. Your baby likely has a milk protein allergy not a milk sugar intolerance.

Also, what sort of birth did you have? A C section or a traumatic birth can be associated with feeding difficulties, unsettled behaviours and head/neck pains - some people find craniosteopathy helps? (Personally I thought it made sod all difference with DD but people swear by it).

Good luck. You will survive this!!

gmmmg.nhs.uk/docs/guidance/GMMMG-Prescribing-formula-for-CMPA-final-2-2-final-editable.pdf

Don't feel disgusting. Your baby needs you, yes. But the child s/he will become will need you even more. Consider everything you do to preserve your sanity an investment in the relationship you will have with your child later.

Please, please take care of yourself. For your child's sake. For your own.

It is all so much harder than anyone admits. Plan to survive this period - and celebrate the fact that you've survived later.

Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself.

Somebodyhelpmeplease I am so sorry, this sounds so hard.

I really think you need to make an emergency appointment and as others have said go early, sit in the surgery with baby screaming and if the doctor will not refer you then ask for an emergency appointment with another doctor. I can't see if the health visitor is involved. The health visitor should be responsible for all the families health so you need to speak to them and explain the impact on you and the other children.

I would be nice and polite but if you do not get anywhere within a few days I would tell them you will be making a formal complaint and then that is what I would do.

Sleep deprivation, I am sure you know, is used as device of torture.

I know you said I hate my baby, and I completely understand that, but try and make peace with the baby, knowing it is not their fault. They must be in pain and this is their only way of telling you. No guilt on your part at all but direct your date towards the medical professionals who have failed you. Keep a record of each conversation and if you surgery has a patients representative or any kind of patients charter please use it to tell the professionals they are failing you and your baby and your children.

Agree with endofthelinefinally please do not do a deep bath and be very careful yourself about the risk of falling asleep while driving or anything else.

This too shall pass. It really will.

See page 5. Maybe print it off to take it with you to GP?

Oh just spotted Absofrigginlootly and totally agree, "DO NOT LEAVE THE GP UNTIL THEY GIVE YOU THESE THINGS."

Also. My GP was useless despite the fact I used to work in HV. I was too tired to argue even though I knew it was silent reflux.

In the end we went to A&E because she wouldn't stop crying and they sent us to the Paediatrics department to be assessed then and there. Immediately diagnosed and given omeprazole and the change was instant