I hate my baby

[Somebodyhelpmeplease]

He is safe with me I would never harm him. I don’t know what to do. He cries all day and all night he sleeps a total of around 4/24 hours all day the rest of it he is crying. He cries when I’m feeding him. He cries when I’m holding him. I’ve tried all the potions under the sun the doctors have given him for reflux etc but nothing helps. Health visitors don’t help, my family don’t help, nobody can help. I’ve tried keeping him close and I’ve tried getting him used to being put down. I’ve tried white noise. I’ve tried a jumperoo. I’ve tried swaddling. I’m always consistent with what I’m trying but nothing helps. I have two other children who he wakes all night long. One has to go to school exhausted every day. It’s been 5 months of torture, I honestly feel like climbing out of my window and jumping, if it wasn’t for my other children I probably would. Help me. I know other people have been through this. What Can I do?

direct your hate not date!

Actually @Somebodyhelpmeplease just ignore me and I think I'd so everything @Absofrigginlootly says!

OP, did you read Dark’s Post? It seems she may have had the same problem. Just wanted to flag it up in case you missed it.

Another tool to use with the GP is to email them before your appointment with all the details, and what you are requesting. Send it to the surgery cc. the practice manager.
This way you can clearly say everything you need to without trying to do it all in the appoinment.
It is also clear to the GP and in writing, so there is a paper trail that can be referred back to.

I’ve read all the post and all seem very similar to the trouble I’m having I’m going to research all of the suggestions in the morning and write them down and print the extremely usefull document for the GP. I know it’s their job to diagnose but at the same time they are still human and could have overlooked/been unaware of all the possible fixes. The health visitors however have been useless. I know it’s terible to say I hate him it’s sickening feeling this way. I hate the endless crying and cannot develop any kind of relationship with him, he doesn’t even feel like my child most days. All I want in this world is for him to be happy and healthy and feel safe with me like my others.

Once again thank you all for replies. I’m no longer blubbering into a pillow preparing to relive the same day over again. You’ve focused me and I’m determined to get answers!

My first baby did this unbeleivable amount of crying compared to the others. I didnt find any magic solution at the time and was rpld at baby sleep clinic hd was in top 5 per cent of difficult to settle babies. He is the most gorgeous sensitive, kind, funny 18 year old young man now. He does have lactose and fructose intolerance and avoids too much dairy and drinks A 2 milk if he has it now.

was told at baby sleep clinic he was in top 5% of difficult to settle babies

I felt like that with my reflux baby. I even wondered if I should give her up for adoption! I couldn’t get her to stop crying and I felt I wasn’t any good to her. I just couldn’t establish a bond with her at all. I also felt I was neglecting her older sibling. I now have a stronger bond with her than my older child. It’s like we got through something and I’m much more patient with her. Maybe it is my subconscious trying to make amends. But she is always so quick to smile now and tries to make people laugh. It will get better, it really will x

My freinds told me years later they thought i might have PND but didnt know how to help. I too, was desperate for sleep and for him to be a little more settled and cry less.
Hope you do find answers. You most certainly are not alone

Has anybody else taken the baby at all? Babies as you will know are vert sensitive to.the emotions of their caregiver and it is easy to get trapped in a vicious cycle.
What sort of cry? Grizzly? High out he'd screaming drawing knees up?

Definitely not alone. DC2 just wailed, gave up BF because it seemed to upset him more and more...it makes you feel like a raving loony. I once burst into tears in the cleaning aisle of Robert Dyas for no apparent reason other than I was so insanely tired!

Keep us updated, if you want - you're in good company.

Sorry if this has already been said

Have you checked him for oral thrush?.

My son had it and it was missed, it was a nightmare, he was constantly hungry because latching on to feed was terrible painful for him. We finally found a bottle that suited him and went to expressed milk with formula top ups. The change was amazing. It was then the thrush picked up on by the health visitor. Just an idea

But you do need a break amd some rest too. Dealing with worrysome baby when tired is not good, you know this.

Sending you hugs

Sweeties " I know it’s terible to say I hate him it’s sickening feeling this way. I hate the endless crying and cannot develop any kind of relationship with him, he doesn’t even feel like my child most days."

We all know you really do feel anger and frustration etc, and yes, hate but I am sure once this is behind you, you and baby can start afresh. Whatever you feel, please do not feel guilty! you sound like an amazing mum.

"All I want in this world is for him to be happy and healthy and feel safe with me like my others." And it will happen soon, just some butt to kick first. XXXXXXXXXXXXX Good luck for tomorrow. Don't let them fob you off.

Hi OP,

As I read your first post what immediately sprang to my mind was, "He sounds like he's got an allergy to cows milk protein.."

Your baby is clearly in pain and his behaviour is not normal.

As has been said, a huge portion of babies with cows milk intolerance (CMPI) will also be allergic to Soya so giving Soy milk will also cause them pain.

I breast feed my son who is CMPI and within 3-4 days of cutting dairy out my diet I saw a huge difference in him in that his reflux improved, the constant crying stopped and he started feeding much better and was so much more comfortable.

Ask your GP for prescription formula in case he is CMPI and they should give you either Nutramigen or Neocate depending on what their PCT allows them to prescribe. I've got 10 tubs of Nutramigen in my kitchen that the GP prescribed for me in case breast feeding became too much so it's nice to have that to fall back on if needed.

What you are dealing with sounds incredibly hard and I would tell the GP you are not leaving without some prescription milk and say that if s/he won't give it you to try then you're going to have to go to A&E because you don't know what else to do.

I wish you the best of luck OP

I'm sorry OP, I know how rough that is. Lots of great advice on here! I was lurking, but signed up just to pass on the experience we went through in case it helps... DC2 was the same, had to be held upright constantly or cried continually. A friend showed me an article about babies and chiropractic therapy. Some babies spines are pulled out of alinement due to the birth. I had a trusted chiropractor of ten years, so went to him to ask. He went super slow with us as I was incredibly scared. Procedure was... I laid on my back baby on my chest (chest to chest), he felt down DC2's back and sure enough two vertebra were out of alinement. He had a small tool about the size of a pen that had a kind of spring loaded action. He did it on my hand to show how gentle it was, he then went down baby's back. Second appointment he double checked DC's spine and all was still in place. No more sleeping upright or crying all the time. It felt like a miracle. Don't know if this is of any worth, but thought I'd mention it just in case. Best of luck to you and baby!

Without a doubt OP you are in a nightmare only a select few can relate to. It's not normal. You are doing a brilliant job.

Like some PP we gave up on GP and went to a&e at a children's hospital where my tiny baby was prescribed omeprazole for awful reflux. It eventually stopped most of the screaming and after we got over the guilt we were able to put in place proper sleep routines.

You can't function with this stress and no sleep. My advice is go to a&e. I don't think a GP can prescribe omeprazole for tiny babies xx

OP BUY THIS BOOK!! So useful and reassuring. Written by a consultant pediatric gastroenterologist who had a baby of his own with silent reflux!!

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0345490681/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ref=plSrch&keywords=colic+solved&dpPl=1&dpID=519uGvNEn9L&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1515128366&sr=8-1

Even if the GP does prescribe the right milk tomorrow insist on a Paeds referral. Silent reflux can cause some serious complications (oesophageal scaring for e.g.) and also, of baby does have CMPA you will need to see a Paediatric dietician for dairy and soy free weaning advice. They may want to run other food allergy tests and will give you advice about how to do dairy re-trials in the future.

Good luck

Mind did this. I had next to no sleep for a whole year. Looking back it was an undiagnosed milk type allergy. I felt bad and can still do on reflection because it was hard and I didn't understand. My baby was in pain. At a year old my baby got grommets after numerous colds and infections that we had started to get. I honestly think it was also down to sore blocked ears. These really hurt if you lay a baby down. Babies lay down a lot. Anyway we got through but it was tough until we got solutions. I hope something helps you soon.

OP, that sounds horrible. Our first had tummy problems. Two things helped:

1. Probiotics (the change was almost overnight.) We just have him a little mixed in with water and it really helped.
2. Trying lots of different formulas. Sone of them gave him terrible tummy problems and it was seemingly random (not connected to any particular type of milk or anything). Cow and Gate was the absolute worst. I don't know what they put in there but I would never give it another child again. Nanny (goats) formula worked pretty well. Aptamil was also not too bad. I know there are some hypoallergenic options out there. I klhave known parents to go through hell with babies that couldn't have any formula or breast milk until they found that one formula or that one brand of formula that was ok. What have you tried so far?

I don’t want to repeat what others have said but they’re right. You know your baby and you know he isn’t right. There is hope, DS was like this til about 5 months old, 18-20 hours a day of solid screaming and crying, in the end referrals were taking so long we took him to A&E on the advice of our GP and he was seen by a paeds gastroenterologist that day. We went home with a prescription for Pepti milk (vile stuff) and other meds suggested in other posts and within a couple of days he was a different baby, he slept so much for the first few days we were really worried but he was just so exhausted from the previous months of pain and no sleep that he was able to rest! With DD she started to show the same symptoms within days of birth, by the time she was 2 weeks old I sat in the Drs office and refused to leave until they took me seriously, after seeing 3 different drs (including one lovely lady who suggested it was my fault for not breastfeeding) we eventually saw a GP who took us seriously and basically said, you’ve been through it with DS and you know your DD better than I do and he prescribed the milk without a referral. He saved my sanity that day - just stay strong and don’t allow yourself to be fobbed off, at the very least your mental health is just as important as your baby’s health and you need help so you can enjoy your baby and your life!

I hated my son between 02:00 and 04.20 when he wouldn't sleep at all. But I also recognise that because this has happened over the last few nights, I am massively sleep deprived, so this feeling is only temporary.

You are also ridiculously sleep deprived and worried, so it is completely normal to feel this way. What you are dealing with is so very, very hard and you are doing a fantastic job. It's certainly not disgusting to take a break.

Can you record your DS on your phone when he is upset? Or video him and how he won't settle. This might add to the full picture for your GPS.

I see two main issues for you to try to address:

1. the lack of support for you with you constant caregiving (which would be exhausting even without all the extra difficulties you are facing)

2. the constant crying and likelihood your baby is in pain

You have already had a lot of good advice about what might be wrong with the baby but it sounds like you are facing a fight to get the GP/HV team to take this seriously.
This will be so much harder when you are sleep deprived and under so much stress.
So I wanted to see if I could give a few ideas to help address the first problem.

Firstly, your partner. You say he is around on Sunday? That is only two days away. As an initial emergency measure, can you ask that he gives you a break on Sunday morning where he takes the baby and lets you sleep/have a hot shower/bath? If you know you have this 'booked in' it gives you something to look forward too.

Family - is there anyone who will take the baby or come round to give you moral support for any length of time during the day or night? Even just to make you a cup of tea or hold the baby while you drink it? Failing that, would anyone take your other children for the weekend just to allow you and your partner to focus on yourselves and the baby?

Do you have any neighbours who would help? Come round and hold the baby while you shower/have a cup of tea? (We had older neighbours who offered to help and I know I could count on them)

Do you have any local friends who might offer support? Any local Facebook groups you can join? I have found my local positive birth and breastfeeding groups supportive on a number of much wider issues even though you are past the birth/bf stage.

I think there are some brilliant CMPA/I facebook groups where I am sure you will find lots of people going through the same thing - worth joining these.

Do you have a local children's centre? Head there tomorrow if you do. It is likely someone there will offer help and support or talk you through local options. Do they run any courses/groups/training sessions you could attend? Free baby massage or sensory class which you could try and see if they can help the baby relax? The techniques might help, but equally you might find that the staff or other parents you meet are a bigger source of support.

What about turning up at the next local baby weigh in clinic? If your HV isn't helpful, see whether another member of the team is more helpful. In the early days when my baby was constantly crying I turned up and a nursery nurse saw us. She instantaneously offered to book an appt to come round and teach me some baby massage techniques for free. This really helped, just knowing someone cared.

Can you check out if you have a local Homestart charity? Contact them to see if anyone can help you? Also check out PANDAS Foundation and see if they have a local group in your area.

What about through your student midwife course? Any local fellow students who are perhaps young/single/childless who might be willing to offer you some support to supplement their training?

Given you say both the GP and HV have been so unhelpful, I wonder if they feel you are coping due to your job and experience, or do you put on a brave front when you meet with them? From your posts it seems like this is really starting to affect your mental health so perhaps see if they can offer you personally any extra support, although be very clear that your symptoms are only as a result of living with a constantly crying/nonsleeping baby for months without support.

Whenever you speak to anyone about your situation. Explain upfront about your professional experience as a student midwife and as a mum of two, and emphasise that all this experience tells you that what your baby is going through is not normal. Sometimes HCPs will (wrongfully) dismiss parent concerns as being over exaggerated so you need to use everything you have to make them take you seriously.