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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Father to be refused access to nhs classes

286 replies

Anditstartsagain · 03/12/2017 12:52

I have a friend having her second baby she doesn't want to go to the classes on offer with the nhs but her dp does as this is his first baby. She works in a job in the city centre and getting time off is not easy he is self employed based from home so can easily attend.

Obviously given these circumstances they told the midwife he would attend without her and they were told no. When questioned she said that the classes were mainly for the mum and other mums to be may feel uncomfortable with an unaccompanied man (seriously). If she signs up he can come along.

He is furious I kind if agree that it's not really fair he misses out because she doesn't want to go and couldn't really get there anyway. I personally never bothered with the classes but feel all parents should have the option. What do you all think?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/12/2017 12:54

But surely the bulk of those classes is for mothers as they are about the labour side of things?

RadioGaGoo · 03/12/2017 12:56

There is always NCT if NHS doesn't work out. I'm sure they will accommodate a father.

fricative · 03/12/2017 12:57

That's a shame but lets wait for comments about male entitlement and that he wants to enter a women's space...

5...4...3...

NapQueen · 03/12/2017 12:59

I dont think it is unreasonable that a Birthing class has the prerequisite of the person giving birth having to be there.

Is it just one class? Then she needs to go along with it for him imo.

ArbitraryName · 03/12/2017 12:59

If your friend feels strongly about giving her DP an opportunity to attend antenatal classes, they can work it out so that they can go together. The baby itself will be even less convenient for work. They could pay for NCT classes at the evening or weekend, for example.

Birdsgottafly · 03/12/2017 12:59

It may be that the class isn't relevant for the Father, without the Mother sharing her fears, so he can then be told how to help.

I went to classes with my DD and tbh, I don't see what a Man would have gotten out of them that he couldn't have got watching One-born-every-minute.

honeyravioli · 03/12/2017 13:01

He's furious that as man he can't come alone to classes that are predominantly focused on women, and are not intended for lone males?

I think we all know that type of man.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 03/12/2017 13:01

Sorry but HIBU. A birthing class is for mothers to be, they're pretty pointless without them and I'd feel a bit Hmm at a lone bloke being at one.

Original poster
Anditstartsagain · 03/12/2017 13:02

I personally don't feel they will be useful for him but I think as a nervous first time parent asking for a hand hold and some info he should be allowed to have it.

OP posts:
SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 03/12/2017 13:03

If they're anything like the NHS classes I went to I don't think they would be of much use to him. They consisted of relaxation sessions, stuff about how pregnancy affects your body, a bit about fetal development. They didn't go into much detail about the actual baby which I'm guessing is what he will be interested in. Unless he wants to discuss piles with a group of pregnant women, followed by 30 minutes of pseudo-yoga, it might be better to go to the NCT ones.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 03/12/2017 13:05

If doesn't want to go to NCT classes, maybe he could go along to midwife appointments, or speak to his GP about any concerns he has?

Original poster
Anditstartsagain · 03/12/2017 13:05

CherryChasingDotMuncher they cover pregnancy, labour and newborns not just birth. Thats why men can come as long as they are accompanied by the woman.

OP posts:
ArbitraryName · 03/12/2017 13:05

He can buy a book or read a website and get the same information though, without making a bunch of pregnant women feel
Awkward.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 03/12/2017 13:08

I just don't see why he has to go to these classes, it's not as if there isn't a world of infinite resources out there for father to be, that he can access without making women feel uncomfortable. And yes, male entitlement does spring to mind.

Singingtherapy · 03/12/2017 13:08

I suspect he's just trying to prove a point. The only bits which would be helpful to a first time dad is the advice on caring for a baby. Which is really helpful but surely he knows he can get it from a book!

NapQueen · 03/12/2017 13:10

I never took any classes with my pregnancies and labours as there is plenty of info online.

He would be better placed to join Mn and read the pregnancy and parenting boards.

Original poster
Anditstartsagain · 03/12/2017 13:11

I suppose knowing him as a person and seeing how scared and nervous he is makes me feel sad that he can't go along and get some support, my friend is very relaxed about the whole thing she keeps telling him not to worry she knows what she's doing. I'm sure he will just go to ntc.

OP posts:
CherryChasingDotMuncher · 03/12/2017 13:13

Some local sure start centres have dad-only sessions maybe he could go to one of them and speak with their fathers? He'd get a lot more out of it than an antenatal class

CecilyP · 03/12/2017 13:13

I personally don't feel they will be useful for him but I think as a nervous first time parent asking for a hand hold and some info he should be allowed to have it.

Why? If the person actually giving birth is none too bothered, what is the point? If she already knows it all, then she can pass the info on. If she would benefit from the class herself, getting any info second hand from him would seem far from ideal. There must be other classes that they could both attend, that might be better suited to mixed participants.

PositivelyPERF · 03/12/2017 13:14

Is he planning on going back home and telling his wife what she should be doing? Honestly, he sounds like a bit of a twit. Waiting for the MRAs and their handmaidens to come on and start shouting about sex discrimination. 😉

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/12/2017 13:14

These classes are for women. If they don't want unaccompanied men there, that's up to them.

TheBananaStand2 · 03/12/2017 13:14

In some places, you can find dedicated dad classes/ courses - lot cheaper than NCT (humph!) but that teach/ refresh men on pregnancy, birth and childcare, and allows them to form a supportive network.

Devilishpyjamas · 03/12/2017 13:16

He’s being ridiculous. If he wants info he can read a book or search for Dad classes.

kaytee87 · 03/12/2017 13:16

I'm not seeing the issue here. These classes are for pregnant women and their birth partners (if they choose to bring them). Tbh they're pretty rubbish anyway and he won't learn anything at them that he can't read about online.

pisacake · 03/12/2017 13:18

it's not his first baby. men can't have babies.

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