Father to be refused access to nhs classes

[Anditstartsagain]

I have a friend having her second baby she doesn't want to go to the classes on offer with the nhs but her dp does as this is his first baby. She works in a job in the city centre and getting time off is not easy he is self employed based from home so can easily attend.

Obviously given these circumstances they told the midwife he would attend without her and they were told no. When questioned she said that the classes were mainly for the mum and other mums to be may feel uncomfortable with an unaccompanied man (seriously). If she signs up he can come along.

He is furious I kind if agree that it's not really fair he misses out because she doesn't want to go and couldn't really get there anyway. I personally never bothered with the classes but feel all parents should have the option. What do you all think?

I think the key point here is that these are NHS classes, i.e. they are for the person who, in childbirth, is the patient. The NHS are not social services; they provide medical services to patients. The patient may choose to have her birth partner attend if she so wishes and feels it would be helpful. In this case, the patient can't be bothered to attend at all so they have opted out of the classes, end of.

The father has no entitlement here to anything, although the fact that he is "upset" that women might be made uncomfortable by an unaccompanied man indeed shows an impressive level of entitlement and self-absorption.

If he is so concerned why does he not go with her to her Midwife appointment and ask them. He seems like he will do more harm than good, I would not like somebody like him as a birthing partner.

They are for the person giving birth. Who can bring her birth partner with her if she wants.

He is being ridiculous.

In my health authority you only get antenatal classes for the woman's first pregnancy unless there are special circumstances. So should resources be allocated to preparing men for birth? No, there are women struggling to get a space.

It's a tiny bit of a shame for him but not an equality issue. We don't routinely provide support for the partners of people undergoing medical procedures. Nor should we.

It's not the job of NHS antenatal classes to calm men down. I think your friend's DP should find a better birthing partner. One who will stay calm, listen to her and support her because he sounds like a self centred nightmare.

In my health authority you only get antenatal classes for the woman's first pregnancy unless there are special circumstances

I did wonder about that -especially given the high number of posters who don't seem to have found them much use for the first one.

Her dp feels that if something does go wrong he has no idea what to do or the options and sadly as much as he will do what she wants she may not be capable of deciding if something goes badly wrong.

I don’t see how sitting like a spare prick at a class full of pregnant women in their partners is going to help with that. He can speak to his partner about her wishes and read up about birth etc online. He sounds a pain in the arse.

She wants she may not be capable of deciding if something goes badly wrong

This is what I was responding to. Obviously when his partner is tired or in pain during, it would be nice for him to be supportive and to help her to express her wishes clearly to the medical staff. Talking to her about her wishes in advance is the best way to make that happen though.

How is going on a course without her going to tell him anything about what she wants to happen during labour? If what he wants is to make sure she is heard during labour, he needs to talk to her. Not go on a course so that he feels more confident about trying to dictate her obstetric care if she “isn’t capable” of making her own decisions (which has a specific medico-legal meaning which OP may not have intended).

I’m sure he is perfectly well-meaning. When I said people had trouble understanding that birth partners did not have any decision-making rights, and that he needs to understand that, I meant it kindly. If things do “go badly wrong”, he’ll get chucked out into the corridor until things calm down. He won’t be directing things. In some ways the removal of responsibility might be reassuring for him?

Only my DP knew my history

I agree that somebody able to give the medical team background info is really important.

But your DP didn’t get that important background information from going on an antenatal course without you....

Only my DP knew my history

If there was something so vital to how you would be treated should your midwife not have been told? What if circumstances arose that he wasn't there?

And why would your husband have had to attend an ante natal class for you to tell him?