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Original poster

Father to be refused access to nhs classes

286 replies

Anditstartsagain · 03/12/2017 12:52

I have a friend having her second baby she doesn't want to go to the classes on offer with the nhs but her dp does as this is his first baby. She works in a job in the city centre and getting time off is not easy he is self employed based from home so can easily attend.

Obviously given these circumstances they told the midwife he would attend without her and they were told no. When questioned she said that the classes were mainly for the mum and other mums to be may feel uncomfortable with an unaccompanied man (seriously). If she signs up he can come along.

He is furious I kind if agree that it's not really fair he misses out because she doesn't want to go and couldn't really get there anyway. I personally never bothered with the classes but feel all parents should have the option. What do you all think?

OP posts:
SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 03/12/2017 14:07

There are unlikely to be any dads at the NHS classes. The NCT, on the other hand, are very much aimed at a woman and her birth partner, so plenty of dads!

CecilyP · 03/12/2017 14:07

There's every possibly that he'd be the only dad there, so chatting to other nervous dads wouldn't really be a goer! It is NHS provision, not a social club. NCT classes are often much more aimed at couples.

ferrier · 03/12/2017 14:08

Children have also been born for millenia without the mothers needing antenatal classes Hmm

paxillin · 03/12/2017 14:11

Eww, I suppose I could take that, @pisacake. I wouldn't look so weird then.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 03/12/2017 14:12

Do you think Stefonknee would be up for coming to the next Toy Story film with me? I can't go on my own, I'd look like weirdo.

pisacake · 03/12/2017 14:15

I'm thinking if the bloke in the OP just dyes his hair pink and simpers a bit, he could go as a transwoman?

paxillin · 03/12/2017 14:17

He'd have to identify as pregnant though.

pisacake · 03/12/2017 14:19

just eat a few pies ?

or an empathy belly ? www.empathybelly.org/

paxillin · 03/12/2017 14:21

And give birth to... what Grin?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/12/2017 14:25

I think you have a few typos there.

She doesn't want to accommodate his demand; his problem is him - not the NHS or her

Nope. To him his problem is her. That problem may be and is IMO entirely unreasonable but it doesn’t stop it being a problem for him.

w12newmum · 03/12/2017 14:32

Seems I’m in the minority. They let partners attend because the info is useful for them too so I can’t see why he shouldn’t attend or why it would make others feel awkward as there will be men thier anyway

BakedBeans47 · 03/12/2017 14:34

He’s being ridiculous. Ante natal provision including classes are for the pregnant woman and yes if she wants to take her partner fair enough but if not then he doesn’t get to go. I really don’t see the problem.

Serin · 03/12/2017 14:35

I never went to any birthing classes, was working FT right up until the end. Its your second baby, you will be fine.

Surely all he has to do is whatever you tell him to!

SparklyUnicornTractors · 03/12/2017 14:35

Yes exactly! Women have given birth for millenia without needing classes, how ridiculously over privileged of them that modern medicine actually notices them in this way?! You'd think millions of women used to die in childbirth or something. #Ifitdoesntcentremenzitsnotmybirthexperience

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 03/12/2017 14:40

Yes exactly! Women have given birth for millenia without needing classes, how ridiculously over privileged of them that modern medicine actually notices them in this way?! You'd think millions of women used to die in childbirth or something. #Ifitdoesntcentremenzitsnotmybirthexperience

What a ridiculous post. Do you think any of what you have said has any relevance to this prat who apparently doesn't know how Google works?

Plus - this really should be , as you sneeringly point out , about the experience of the woman giving birth, not what he wants.

topcat2014 · 03/12/2017 14:41

I don't remember learning anything useful myself - and DW ended up having Em C/Sec anyway.

TBH, not sure I would have wanted to go alone.

topcat2014 · 03/12/2017 14:41

I was mainly worried about parking etc on arrival.
(sounds silly now, but it is important to know what to actually do and where to go)

cdtaylornats · 03/12/2017 14:52

Can't he just self-identify as a woman?

FilledSoda · 03/12/2017 14:54

Furious ?
Really ?
He's a dick

rosy71 · 03/12/2017 14:56

Surely his role is to support his partner. The classes are aimed at her. I don't see what he's get out of going alone other than detracting attention from the purpose of the class. Surely she can tell him what will/might happen during labour.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/12/2017 15:00

He will have to get the information elsewhere. Perhaps from his partner seeing as she’s given birth. Or other fathers. I’m with the nhs on this one. I wouldn’t want a random man in my antenatal class.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2017 15:01

He's not the NHS patient. She is.

In fact I wish they'd excluded the bloke at mine who kept saying things like 'we don't want pain relief'. She ended up having a horribly traumatic birth, poor thing.

1DAD2KIDS · 03/12/2017 15:01

I think there is benefit to knowing all about the mother side of things. After all he is the one who will be supporting mum to be. Having an understanding from the mum side of things I would say has value. I assume that why men are allowed to come in the first place (with mum to be).

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 03/12/2017 15:03

I wonder if he's going to be 'that father' who turns up in the delivery room insisting it's all him. Using phrases like 'we're having a baby', 'we don't need pain relief'.