AIBU it's not fun to keep a child up past their bedtime

[boomitscountginula]

EVEN if it's only ONCE!!

MILs birthday is tomorrow, both me and Oh are at work (we both work full time). Suggestion is we go for a meal in the evening, with DS (4).

We have said no, because it would mean, by the time we get home from work, picking up DS from after school club, getting changed etc, dinner would be 7:30 or 8pm. If we all rush. (We usually get home for just after 6pm).

DS 99% of the time is asleep by 7:30.

ILS responce, well don't send him to after school club (they hate we send him, and want to look after him everyday. But for more than a few reasons we have politely declined the offer). because then he won't be tired..

No. No. No. No.

He will be tired, as will both me and DH. Neither us or any other diner wants to be around a crabby 4 year old, in a nice restaurant on a Friday night.

Yes it's just one night. BUT HE IS FUCKING 4 and this isn't a concept he will be agreeable with.

It's not just the ILs a few people have invited us to do things like this and just can't imagine why we won't come, or only one of us will attend if we can't find a baby sitter.

In the summer we will do family parties at people's houses, where DS can bunk in a bed." Etc.

Really am I being precious? Because I don't think ruining everyone's nights with a moaning, tired, unreasonable, nagging 4 year old is fun for anyone?

I’d go. He may surprise you. My 3yo loves staying up late, but rarely gets the chance

If it was school the next day, YANBU but it's Friday night I actually think YABU.. you've got the whole weekend to bounce back and it'll be fun for him.

Kids do surprise you. If he knew he was staying up late then he would probably be on best behaviour because it would be fun.
And it's Saturday the day after so not like he has to be up really early.

I agree with you, I get this kind of response from relative when I won't keep my DS(3) up after his bedtime.
It really is no fun for him or anyone else when he is cranky from tiredness

I’m with you OP it’s not fun having an overtired child out way past their bedtime. You probably won’t enjoy it either as you’ll be sorting him out. Plus it’s not like a party where he could dance or run around, sitting down at a table while the adults talk will be rubbish for him. You know him best and if you think he needs bed then he does.

I've never been so rigid. Doesn't sound as if you want to go anyway though and are using this as an excuse.

You know your own child but it wouldn't cross my mind not to go. 4 isn't that young and I can't see how one late night would do any harm. Take something to entertain him so he's not bored.

I'd go. My 3 year old stays up late for special occassions.

I obviously have no idea of your relationship with your pil but from your op, it sounds like you don't like them much. Unless there is a huge back story as to why, I think you're being a bit mean missing your Mil's birthday celebration.

My child is one of those that no matter how late he stays up, he will the be awake between 6-7pm..

The times we do let him stay up late. He is crabby and/or hyper! Then terrible the next day because he is shattered.

It's not a big birthday btw.

TBH you do sound very inflexible. I get there may be other issues but on the face of it it does sound uncompromising and draconian.

It's Friday night. As long as he is out he'll be fine. If he was at home he'd be cranky.

Live a little

Am obviously!!

So let them have him after school for one night, and meet them at the restaurant straight after work. Then you’ll have an hour and a half to eat before it’s even his usual bed time, and an extra 30 minutes - an hour can’t do too much damage.

You don’t really want to go, do you? 😉

We have offered to take them out for a fancy lunch on Saturday, and will drop presents round in the evening. So I feel it is a compromise!

If there was school the next day, I'd say definitely not. It's a Friday night though so I'd just go. One night won't hurt.

Has he got a pushchair still? I know he’s 4 but if you took one that he could sleep in if needed? But if you really don’t want to go don’t, you shouldn’t feel pressured into it and if you won’t enjoy it it’ll be a waste of money

I’m with you my two kids are very different one would cope with this but the other most definitely not on a Friday night and would probably ruin it for others. You know your child stick to your guns, and in 1-2yrs time it will be different as they cope better as older.

My ds has asked for go to bed at 7 since he could talk but a restaurant trip out would be worth his staying awake!!

I'm with you - my DCs are all older now and I was generally a fairly lax parent, but with bedtimes I stuck to the routine throughout. Late nights weren't fun for them, they weren't fun for me and they definitely weren't fun when they still woke up at the crack of dawn the next day and would be bloody hard work the whole of the next day. It was just never worth it.

I have a relative with kids of the same sort of ages as mine who would happily trip about till 11 or so at a family gathering, and then sleep late and be fine. So it does suit some children - but if it doesn't, it really doesn't.

YABU and a bit precious tbh.

Depends on the kid. DD is totally fine being up late (she’s 5 but was the same at 4) . Sounds like your kid isn’t, or hasn’t had the opportunity to get used to it.
Tbh I’d avoid any fancy dinners with a 4 yo regardless of time,but you all seem to miss out quite a few fun things by being a tad rigid with his routine.

I'd go. It's a Friday night, its your MIL's birthday, he'll be fine, he's 4, not a toddler.

It doesn't do any good being too rigid, it limits normal activities, and becomes a real millstone.

They are NBU, if he gets enough sleep usually the odd late evening is fine.

YABU
Resilience isn't just about taking knocks emotionally but about being adaptable.