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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU it's not fun to keep a child up past their bedtime

283 replies

boomitscountginula · 09/11/2017 21:05

EVEN if it's only ONCE!!

MILs birthday is tomorrow, both me and Oh are at work (we both work full time). Suggestion is we go for a meal in the evening, with DS (4).

We have said no, because it would mean, by the time we get home from work, picking up DS from after school club, getting changed etc, dinner would be 7:30 or 8pm. If we all rush. (We usually get home for just after 6pm).

DS 99% of the time is asleep by 7:30.

ILS responce, well don't send him to after school club (they hate we send him, and want to look after him everyday. But for more than a few reasons we have politely declined the offer). because then he won't be tired..

No. No. No. No.

He will be tired, as will both me and DH. Neither us or any other diner wants to be around a crabby 4 year old, in a nice restaurant on a Friday night.

Yes it's just one night. BUT HE IS FUCKING 4 and this isn't a concept he will be agreeable with.

It's not just the ILs a few people have invited us to do things like this and just can't imagine why we won't come, or only one of us will attend if we can't find a baby sitter.

In the summer we will do family parties at people's houses, where DS can bunk in a bed." Etc.

Really am I being precious? Because I don't think ruining everyone's nights with a moaning, tired, unreasonable, nagging 4 year old is fun for anyone?

OP posts:
Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 09/11/2017 21:40

YANBU. Mine were foul at that age if up too late. As DH said once after a similar guilt-laden invite, he'd rather burn £10 notes in the gutter as it would be more fun Grin

SD1978 · 09/11/2017 21:41

I think you might be being a little precious- I understand that you have your routine and it works well, but it sounds as if you’ve never tried to keep him up, to know whether it would be a disaster or not. I understand that routine is important, but most kids can cope with a little disruption to their routine once in a while for a special occasion.

SunnyNights · 09/11/2017 21:41

Poor little mite, let him go home with granny after school and meet them there for the meal. Simples!

2017SoFarSoGood · 09/11/2017 21:42

Skipping after school club is the perfect answer; he will be less tired and you can all enjoy the celebration. At four he would probably love the adventure and excitement of it all. The odd late night won't kill him and he may really enjoy it.

When you say he gets up really early regardless of bed time, are you concerned if you are out late that indeed you will be too tired in the morning? if that's actually the case, I have to agree with you. I am useless on a Friday night, and can hardly function on a Saturday morning if I don't get an early night.

Starfish28 · 09/11/2017 21:43

I am 100% percent behind not going. My children are early risers (no matter how late they go to bed). They would be horrible at a restaurant on a Friday night. No one would have fun (and I’m including the other dinners in this). I think you either “get” what it is like to have an early riser or you don’t. Stick to your guns on this one.

Threenme · 09/11/2017 21:44

I'd let him go he'll probably love it! Being fussed over by adoring gp and staying up late plus the inevitable dessert! My kids would think it was fab! We are not rigid with bedtimes at weekend and school hols! We all love normality out the window!!

Cockmagic · 09/11/2017 21:45

We all have to go to work op, it's one night and his grannies birthday. Maybe a change in the rules wouldn't hurt?

SpareASquare · 09/11/2017 21:46

I couldn't imagine being so inflexible.
Why can't they pick him up and you meet them at the restaurant as someone else has suggested? Do you just not want to go OP and are using some ridiculous excuse to get out of it? If so, just say you don't want to. Or you stay home and let the others actually enjoy themselves.

So yeah, precious and ridiculously rigid.

Bringmewineandcake · 09/11/2017 21:46

We could take DD1 out when she was 2/3 and she’d be fine with a late night. DD2 is 16 months and wants her bed by 7pm, so DD1 in turn has also adapted to this and now they’re both knackered and grumpy by 7:30pm.
7:30/8 is too late to be starting a meal, your ds will be overtired and overhungry, definitely not pleasant for anyone. Could you get a babysitter so you and DH can go?

TinselTwins · 09/11/2017 21:47

I'd go

Laaadyofthehousespeaking · 09/11/2017 21:48

OP you know your child so don’t put yourselves on a guilt trip. My kids hate eating late, if they eat early and we are still out somewhere then it’s fine and we can play it by ear, but I wouldn’t plan to go out for dinner past my kids normal bedtime. An afternoon meal with the in laws would be much better for everyone. They haven’t thought this through, if a child is over tired and moaning there is simply no way it would be enjoyable! Stick to your guns Flowers

deptfordgirl · 09/11/2017 21:48

I think you're being precious. I have a 2 year old who has a strict routine and is in bed by 7pm. However for special occasions we are fine to break routine and he copes fine. It's your mils birthday, I think you should put her first.

SierraFerrara · 09/11/2017 21:48

Depends.
Do you KNOW he will get cranky or is it more that you expect he will?
Would one night really hurt that much? Give him a sandwich or something before you go out so he isn't hungry. Tell everyone you will be leaving early if you need to.
Of course, if you just don't want to go, that's different.

TeenageFanclubNOT · 09/11/2017 21:49

Hmmmmm, my sis is a bit like this but secretly she's scared of her child annoying anyone, being crabby in public when it's 'adult time'. She's a sensitive soul! I made her do this on my dads birthday, every time he had a tiny winge she picked him up and went walkies around the restaurant. It was exhausting to watch her! I felt bad in the end, she had a horrible time. No one else could care less if he got fidgety, we all wanted him on our laps. Only YOU know what's best x

doubletroublemum · 09/11/2017 21:49

With you in not going. My children go to sleep at a similar time and when one stay up late he is absolutely fine. The other is always miserable and very unhappy. You know your child better than anyone else and how a late night will affect him.

Inertia · 09/11/2017 21:49

YANBU- you know your child best, and if he struggles with a late bedtime then their plans are not suitable.

An offer of lunch the next day is more than reasonable- a fully grown adult should be able to cope with having a family birthday meal a few hours after her actual birthday.

Original poster
boomitscountginula · 09/11/2017 21:49

Well MIL works FT (primary head) and FIL is retired.

So might just say to them, well if MIL is coming home early from work (doubt she is, her work load is insane!) then of course I will let school know you can pick him up and you can go out for dinner.

Unfortunately. we haven't had enough notice to arrange to leave work early, so can't join you.

I do know for a fact that MIL will come home at 6pm tomorrow like usual if I say this though. And we will get a call at 7pm saying they are in such it such fancy resteraunt can we come join them..

OP posts:
user1471459936 · 09/11/2017 21:50

I'd be over tired and hungry by 8pm. Definitely not unreasonable to not want to go.

SunnyNights · 09/11/2017 21:54

But if MIL works until six how would they both have your DS after school like they offered? Or was that FIL on his own?

NataliaOsipova · 09/11/2017 21:56

I’d have done it and wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But all kids are different, aren’t they? And you know your son and how he’ll cope better than anyone else.

Trafalgarxxx · 09/11/2017 21:57

Depends on the child and you actually have no idea how your child will react (as I’m asssuming that you’ve never let him stay up after 8.00pm).

I have seen children that age having a hell of a lot of fun and not being grumpy at all. Sleeping until 11.00am the day after and be all nice and happy.
Ive also seen some children being very grumpy, overtired, crying and making everyone life hell. And were then still up at the same time (6.30am) the day after and be tired and cranky of ether whole day.
And then everything in between.

Fwiw my two dcs at age have been up way last that sort of time at that age and wo any major issue. The biggest one for us was the afctvthey still got up at the same time in the am so it was hard FOR US (no lie in!!).

TBH I would try it. I suspect you’ll be surprised.

Anon8604 · 09/11/2017 21:58

YANBU, you know your child better than anyone and you know if he’s the type who can happily stay up past his bedtime or the type who’ll find it too tiring or unsettling. As you say, it’s not fun for anyone if he’s upset at the restaurant, and I bet you would be the one most likely to have to look after him if he does become upset. Your compromise about going out on Saturday sounded sensible to me, it’s a shame your PIL didn’t agree.

Original poster
boomitscountginula · 09/11/2017 21:59

Would be FIL on his own, he is retired and used to look after DS once a week.

He would wait till MIL got home to drop him back off, usually 15 minutes before bed time..

OP posts:
Trafalgarxxx · 09/11/2017 22:00

Btw a child reaction to stay8ng up late is different when there is a ‘party’ gong in, plenty of interesting/unusual things happening and they are at home doing well... the same than usual.
They more likely to be grumpy in the second case than in the first.

SheepyFun · 09/11/2017 22:02

From what you've said, this is a reception age child at the end of the week - he'll be exhausted! I have a DD the same age/stage, and she eats at 5pm each day; by 6 she's too tired to eat and just wants to drink milk, so I presume he'd need a meal before going out. And you've got a child who might sometimes be OK in a restaurant - we only take DD to family friendly places at lunch time. I'd be willing to go to IL's house in this circumstance, or have them to ours and order a takeaway (I'm presuming they live rather closer than our family does!), as then DD could go to sleep on a sofa while the adults were together, but I'd say no to the restaurant.

Incidentally, DD would have coped much better while she was at nursery (part time); she finds school exhausting. I think that's pretty normal.