AIBU it's not fun to keep a child up past their bedtime

[boomitscountginula]

EVEN if it's only ONCE!!

MILs birthday is tomorrow, both me and Oh are at work (we both work full time). Suggestion is we go for a meal in the evening, with DS (4).

We have said no, because it would mean, by the time we get home from work, picking up DS from after school club, getting changed etc, dinner would be 7:30 or 8pm. If we all rush. (We usually get home for just after 6pm).

DS 99% of the time is asleep by 7:30.

ILS responce, well don't send him to after school club (they hate we send him, and want to look after him everyday. But for more than a few reasons we have politely declined the offer). because then he won't be tired..

No. No. No. No.

He will be tired, as will both me and DH. Neither us or any other diner wants to be around a crabby 4 year old, in a nice restaurant on a Friday night.

Yes it's just one night. BUT HE IS FUCKING 4 and this isn't a concept he will be agreeable with.

It's not just the ILs a few people have invited us to do things like this and just can't imagine why we won't come, or only one of us will attend if we can't find a baby sitter.

In the summer we will do family parties at people's houses, where DS can bunk in a bed." Etc.

Really am I being precious? Because I don't think ruining everyone's nights with a moaning, tired, unreasonable, nagging 4 year old is fun for anyone?

My nearly 6yo can’t cope with being awake after 9pm - weepy, clingy, miserable, rude, and wakes up at her usual time the following morning so not much better the next day.

My 2yo can stay up until midnight having a grand old time, get up late the next morning and continue as he left off.

I’d let FIL collect him from school, then he can deal with a hungry overtired tantrumming child between 4:00-7:30!
Why on earth would he be hungry, overtired and tantrumming between 4 and 7.30? Surely he's used to being awake at that time and FIL would presumably give him a snack. And surely the OP could then join them straight from work so they could all get to the restaurant nice and early?

It seems to me that some people are so determined it would never work. I feel sorry for the children in such families who will never get to experience some out of routine fun for fear someone may get a little tired. And before anyone says "but its not fun taking a 4 yr old to a grown up meal in a restaurant" please remember it's a family meal with parents and grandparents who love the child and presumably would actually interact with him.

“Why on earth would he be hungry, overtired and tantrumming between 4 and 7.30?”
Isn’t it perfectly normal for a child to be tired and hungry after school. Especially a Reception Age one.

O seriously! Some people on here are really determined to make sure this doesn't work. Kids usually rally at that time if something fun or different is happening. Do you really think he spends his time at after school club hungry, overtired and tantrumming? If so perhaps the parents have a bigger problem and need to rearrange their work week so they can collect him from school and take the poor exhausted child straight home to rest.

Mine on the other hand regularly asked for play dates after school even when they were precious little reception kids.

I’d go. Just make sure he’s fed. If there’s a wait for food feed him a snack I’m the car .... I’d go with fruit and biscuits.
Part of growing up is learning to deal with social situations when you’re tired!!
When you’re little tolerances can be made. Make an effort to interact with him at the meal. Take books (Not an f-ing iPad!!!). Make it a real treat for him.
If the grand parents want him there they will/should interact with him too.

I took my children to restaurants very young. It’s paetnof learning to behave. At 7&9 we now take a pack of cards (for pub meals when we know it’ll be busy) or take it in turns to tell stories about our day/week/make things up.
It’s learning!!!!!!

Yanbu. My dd suffer terribly if she's kept up past bed time. She really has a hard time.

Bit frustrating when complete strangers reckon they know your kids better than you do, I find.

We have learnt from painful experience that a couple of late nights/exciting things happening in the evening can wreck bedtime routine for at least week after. This will then impact behavior at school, whole class disrupted, everyone miserable.

These days we refuse most stuff that runs a risk of us not being home by 6.30.

I don't think going for a meal in a fancy restaurant is much fun for a four yr old. Yes you can take books, drawing, but if they get overtired often they don't want to do these things. Or at least that's true of some children. 1 of the three of mine would have been fine. The other 2 wouldn't.

Makes much more sense to go for a lunch during the day.
If you haven't has a child who wouldn't enjoy/sit nicely even with distractions then you can't imagine why people wouldn't want to do this
However I'd probably go and make sure ds sits with gm at the other end of the table to me, and relax and enjoy my meal while she takes care of him.