Or is this incestuous/perverse?

[RoderickRules]

Man-57
Woman-40

Woman was a child that man knew. Man was an adult. A married man whose wife is related to this child, something like neice. Later, wife is now ex wife, her father dies, Man bumps into this now adult female at ex wife’s fathers funeral (where man is in attendance supporting his 35/33 year old daughters.) now adult female and man decide they would like to persue a sexual relationship.

AIBU to think this is incestuous and perverse?

I have had a long day... but this honestly makes no sense.

Yabu

Totally!

And quite ridiculous.

Not incestuous and not perverse. Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable does not make it so. As you say, now adults.

not incestuous. might be odd but depends how close the man and the woman were during her childhood. I suspect not actually close.

It’s not incest as the man isn’t related to the woman. It’s not perverse because the woman didn’t grow up with the man, they bumped into each other as adults.

Sounds like they're related by marriage only so I don't think there's anything wrong tbh.

So, man's ex wife is this woman's aunt?

So he would be her uncle by marriage but isn't because he's divorced?

It's not incest unless they are blood relations. Perverse is a strong word. Age gap - meh.
It obviously makes someone feel uncomfortable hence your post ?

So a man is dating if not his neice-by-his (ex) marriage, his ex’s first or second cousin once removed. When they are both in their 40s and 50s. I don’t see the issue.

It is neither incestuous, nor perverse.

Do you just love drama or something?

YABU.

IIRC, the only time a once-in-law relationship is banned (legally) is if one has been a legal guardian of the other at any time in their lives?

Incestuous? Please.

And it's hardly like they were dating or doing anything when she was underage. She's 40 FFS.

I think yabu. They remet when she was an adult. It puts a different slant on it.

I understand why this would seem strange. As there is no blood relation then I guess they are not doing anything wrong but perhaps morally. You say that the relationship is like niece/uncle? I guess it depends really how close they were when she was growing up. I know that there were some uncles I hardly saw.

Anyway, they are adults, there is no blood relation so I guess they are doing nothing wrong. I understand why family, especially the ex-wife would feel strange though.

I can't say i'd be too fucking chuffed if my partner started having sex with my niece. Ever.

Only thing slightly odd about it would be the atmosphere at big family gatherings if current DP and EXW are close enough rellies to be at them, but IMO its these things that make them more memorable so I'm all for it TBH.

Doesn't seem either to me unless I'm missing something .

Who are you in this situation?

It's neither - but probably a little hard on the ex wife

I'm guessing your the ex wife?

Where are you in this? It might explain your discomfort?

So basically when the man was say in his 20's, the female was a little girl.
Point One - she is now an adult (approaching middle age actually) so not illegal.
They were not blood relatives.
The bloke in question is now divorced.

What's the problem, are you his ex wife?

So at some point this girl was his niece?

Not incestuous but definitely creepy AF.

Not seeing the problem sorry.

It's a bit gross if he was her uncle-by-marriage when she was a child.