Or is this incestuous/perverse?

[RoderickRules]

Man-57
Woman-40

Woman was a child that man knew. Man was an adult. A married man whose wife is related to this child, something like neice. Later, wife is now ex wife, her father dies, Man bumps into this now adult female at ex wife’s fathers funeral (where man is in attendance supporting his 35/33 year old daughters.) now adult female and man decide they would like to persue a sexual relationship.

AIBU to think this is incestuous and perverse?

Two consenting adults - perfectly reasonable.

But probably a bit squicky feeling if you are the man's daughter, because he is now dating someone almost your age?

Of course it isn’t incest! Do you understand what incest is?

And 'something like niece' should be clarified in order for me to feel 'yuck' about it (ignoring any legal issues).

Could I have a relationship with any of my aunties' husbands? No. I've grown up with most of them, and am as close to them as I am to my aunties. And the one I haven't grown up with (I was an adult when they married) is a cunt.

Could I have a relationship with a cousin's ex-spouse? I don't think so, but it's nowhere near as yuck as an ex-uncle-by-marriage.

If she was 16 and he was an extremely close uncle, then yes, a bit weird.

But it sounds like they haven't seen each other for years and she is practically a middle aged woman.

What do you mean "something like niece"??? What WAS the relationship? Regardless of the answer, the answer is that this isn't incestuous anyway.

something like neice

Like niece or actual niece?

If he had raised her or treated her as a niece in the role of uncle until she was 17 then yes would have been creepy.

But if she was just a relation of his ex wife then not so much.

YABU.

Is this actually your business btw?

I have been that neice sort of. Aunt's ex ltp made a pass at me as an adult, declared long time love and tbh it made me very very uncomfortable. Can't imagine feeling anything less than creeped unless the feelings developed when she was 40 and not as a youngster.

I think its horrid, would I date my aunt's ex husband? No way. It would be disrespectful to her and my cousins. And as I'm 20+ years older than my cousins we're not exactly close.

I'll put it like this: 'Its not illegal but, but unethical'.

Interesting.

In this scenario, if I was the man, I would see this person (ex neice? Neice by marriage) as someone to support, and look after during the funeral of her grandfather.
Not a potential sex partner.

I couldn’t view any of the boys who I watched grow up as sex partners, let alone relatives by marriage.

I am the ex girlfriend of the man.
I think it’s vile!

I know this information because he telephoned me to ask if we are really through before he ‘crossed the line’.

I feel pretty bad for his ex wife too. And her sister. Who may not be entirely positive about it.

Roderick, I get you about the slight perveerse nature of it.

This man knew this woman when she was a child, you say?
There is something creepy about someone knowing someone as a child and then starting a rellationship with them when they're 'grown up'.
It's almost as if they're waiting for the child to grow up.

If the man had never known the woman when he was an adult and the woman was a child, then that's different and not at all perverse.

So it would be like my DH in 30 years time having a (post divorce) relationship with one of my sibling’s children. Thinking about it today (when my DNs are still children and we see them regularly), yes I find the idea gross.

Whether I would still think that in 30 years if DH and I were long divorced by then and DNs were late 30s/early 40s, I find it hard to say. But definitely gross thinking about it now!

But then I do find the cheryl Cole/Liam 1D think a bit icky when I remember that he was 14 when they first met, although would not think the same if they had met for the first time when they got together. IYSWIM

Of course you’re going to think it’s vile if you’re his ex.

Not all uncle look after their nieces btw and is there really any such thing as ex niece?

It’s a bit ‘icky’ and I wouldn’t do it but it’s not even remotely incestious and people are different

I am the ex girlfriend of the man.

Bitter by any chance?

I think it’s vile!

Absolutely nothing to do with you.

Also maybe look up what incest is, because this isn't it.

I think it depends how well they knew each other, and when his marriage ended.

If the man played a regular uncle role in her life whilst she was growing up then it's off imo. Not illegal (or incestuous) but off.

If he seen her twice a year then split up with her Aunt when she was 8 and he never seen her again until she was 40 then it's just two people who happened to meet up and like each other imo.

Neither. Are you the ex wife or sonething?

17 year age gap? Not too bad really, especially considering the youngest in the pair is 40.

Life is too short to worry about old ex’s having issues about new relationships!

I don't get it sorry.

It isn't like he knew her as a child and waited til she was 18. This is so many years later, and they are both mature adults approaching middle-age, so I really don't think I could get exercised about this.

She hasn’t been a child for over 20 years. If he had been slobbering over her the minute she turned 18 it would be clear he had just been biding his time but no, he even had a relationship in between divorcing his wife and dating her. This is nothing other than a woman in her 40’s dating a man in his 50’s. It’s fine.

It’s gross. My aunt’s husband is my uncle. It’s like me shagging my uncle Malcolm. Totes weird

I don't like the sound of it at all.

Don’t see an issue with this at all