Or is this incestuous/perverse?

[RoderickRules]

Man-57
Woman-40

Woman was a child that man knew. Man was an adult. A married man whose wife is related to this child, something like neice. Later, wife is now ex wife, her father dies, Man bumps into this now adult female at ex wife’s fathers funeral (where man is in attendance supporting his 35/33 year old daughters.) now adult female and man decide they would like to persue a sexual relationship.

AIBU to think this is incestuous and perverse?

I can't help but feel you're telling it in a way in increase the icky factor because you are angry and bitter.

You say the marriage ended when the niece in law was in their early-mid teens.

You haven't mentioned how involved they were with their nieces (e.g. weekly family things since they were toddlers vs once or twice a year for a period of 4 years).

They had no contact in over 20 years.

They met again at a funeral and have subsequently started a relationship in middle age. (Whilst you conveniently present it as he turned up at a funeral looking for a shag and he spend the funeral acting like a pervert).

Unless you say that he has know the niece since birth and played a full part in her life throughout childhood then I don't think you have any justification for your outrage. It may be unusual but nothing horrendous and certainly not illegal.

I think you're bitter and just looking to justify your feelings.

I hardly know my dh's nephew as his family isn't close (and my children don't really have a relationship with their cousins), if I met him twenty-five years from now as a middle aged man I'm not sure I'd even really connect the adult to the child I knew such a long time ago. I can't imagine dating someone close in age to my children though.

On my side it's different, we see my family regularly and have had my nephews and nieces to stay so dh thinks of them very much as his family too. There are also some strong family resemblances and characteristics so I think it might feel a bit incestuous. It would also be very difficult for everyone else.

So very situation dependent I think.

Hang on, if she is 40 and her cousins are 35 and 33, and the marriage ended when the daughters were 16ish that’s not 13/15 years ago. That’s 18 years ago when the woman was 22.

So very situation dependent I think.
I agree.
But I think the OP is only interested in presenting it in such a way that people will say it is disgusting so then she can sit at homr as the ex feeling justified in her own bitterness.

And how is it any of your business?
So what if the man knew the woman when she was a little girl? She isn't now. And he is divorced!
I would just get on with your own life if I were you. Pathetic!!!!

I think it’s odd that the more people are disagreeing with you OP the more you remember about him being ‘sleazy’

Not sure if the OP is 'jealous and bitter' but she does seem over invested in it all. Why does she care?

Anyway, IMO it is a bit odd. Too close - even if they are not related by blood. It would be like me getting with my auntie's husband who is a generation older than me, and he is my UNCLE! Maybe not a blood relative, but my UNCLE.

No, just no. 🤮🤢😷😷

I knew a man who taught a girl from 7-15 a team sport at a high level, think coaching daily as part of a team

He then married her at 25 after only about 5 years of being not in contact regularly

I think that's weird but no one else did

I think your example actually is ok as the age gap is not that big

So two consenting adults who are in no way blood relatives having a sexual relationship? No, YABU.

Based on your updates he sounds like a gross old pervert :O :O :O

It's one thing to find a connection with someone perhaps unexpected, like someone much younger than you, but he's obviously got a thing for young women and is going as young as he can, creepy

I agree with Ljlsmum, something creepy about knowing someone when they were a child and then getting with them when they are older. I know she is 40 now, still it makes me a little queasy. Also it must be extremely difficult for the ex-wife. There is really no getting away from this ex-husband is there. He will be at every family event with his 'keeping it in the family'. A truly difficult situation. Yuk!

Are you saying he knew he had an STI?

Are you seriously suggesting this man reads mumsnet OP?

The woman was younger than his daughter, and vulnerable somewhat, jobless.

So he had his daughter when he was 16?!!! And stayed with her mother until 10 years ago?

Not suggesting he reads MN...just crossed my mind how identifying the thread is.
So stuck my fingers up just in case.

No, he didn’t know he had an STI.

Do you mean perverse or perverted? FWIW I don't think it's either.

Well the first post you are obviously YABU but with every subsequent post there is more to add with increasing YANBUishness

So what’s him having an STI got to do with anything? Particularly your OP I’m so confused.

You are actually sounding quite bitter and nasty.

They are both adults. You are his ex.

Absolutely no need to for you to be involved in his life at all.

Tawdry and a bit grim but they're doing anything technically wrong. I'd still judge the arse off him though.

He also had an sti when we met

Your point is what exactly?

The sti message was a response to dipping

I’m simply discussing the experience of a past relationship.
Chewing the fat.

I appreciate all of your thoughts/responses.

It wasn’t a response to me?

I said it’s weird how you’re suddenly remembering how ‘sleazy’ he is and then you list he had an STI and is Bi?

Nothing at all to do with anything and they don’t make him sleazy especially if he didn’t know he had an STI

It's not his niece, Gilligan. She is his exwife's niece.

Do people really think like this? My partner's sister's daughter is our niece, my brother and his wife (who are now separated) are my children's auntie and uncle, as we are to theirs.