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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is stealing?

468 replies

Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 20/10/2017 09:42

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 20/10/2017 09:44

Yes, it's stealing but if that's their mum's attitude then I don't hold much hope for the kids learning not to do it!

lurkingnotlurking · 20/10/2017 09:47

'stealing' - too extreme. Mountain out of a molehill.

EddChinasMangina · 20/10/2017 09:47

Calling it stealing is a bit extreme.

Dobopdidoo1 · 20/10/2017 09:50

If the 9 and 10 yo come from a home where taking sweets without permission is normal then no, I don’t think you can expect them to know not to eat your sweets. I’m not saying it’s right but it’s the message they get at home.

I think the mistake you made was in asking your dd to get your sewing kit from your bedroom which confuses the issue of your bedroom being out of bounds, plus the added allure of forbidden territory.

Either your bedroom is out of bounds (and you get your own sewing kit when you have children round) or not.

EdgarAllanPO · 20/10/2017 09:50

They pinched your sweeties. Lots of kids would do this, some just wouldn't be able to resist the temptation.

Caulk · 20/10/2017 09:51

Depends if they knew the sweets were your sweets or if they just saw them as sweets and therefore a free for all...

HappyLollipop · 20/10/2017 09:54

Your making a mountain out of a molehill! How expensive were these sweets that this has upset you this much? It's your fault really, you sent your daughter to get the sewing kit for you (when you should have) while she had her friends over, her friends followed her to get it once in your room they were confronted with a bowl of temptation 9 and 10 year olds aren't exactly known for their self restraint! How about next time they're round you get your own stuff out of your bedroom and put the sweets away!

Looneytune253 · 20/10/2017 09:55

Yeah I agree it’s not ideal but to make a big deal out of ‘stealing’ is a bit off. I would imagine the mum is mortified and is having a word but to use the word stealing is a bit excessive imo.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/10/2017 09:59

It's your fault really, you sent your daughter to get the sewing kit for you (when you should have) while she had her friends over, her friends followed her to get it once in your room they were confronted with a bowl of temptation 9 and 10 year olds aren't exactly known for their self restraint!

Victim blaming!! Do you take this attitude with women wearing hot pants and crop tops?

Yes, it was just some sweets. Yes, they were just children. But they should be being taught that they can’t take what isn’t theirs without asking!

Lookingtothehighlands · 20/10/2017 10:01

Why do you keep sweets in your bedroom? Seems a strange place (misses point...)

Greyponcho · 20/10/2017 10:05

It was very impolite to take without asking, but seems their mum doesn’t care and is happy to let them get away with it. Sweets now, what else will they start taking what they want just because they want it?
You’re on a loser with this one.

MrsOverTheRoad · 20/10/2017 10:08

The thing is OP, they may be allowed to help themelves to anything at home.

In our house, all boxes and big bags of sweets are fair game...same as a packet of biscuits.

So calling it "stealing" is a bit much in my mind...though they should be taught now, that they can't do as they do at home.

My children wouldn't dream of helping themselves in someone else's home but that's because I've taught them.

Sadly, basic manners seem to be out of fashion.

MrsOverTheRoad · 20/10/2017 10:09

Highlands I thought that!

OP...why do you keep sweets in your bedroom?

AndrewJames · 20/10/2017 10:11

Victim blaming!! Do you take this attitude with women wearing hot pants and crop tops?

Seriously can people FUCK THE FUCK OFF with this shit? It is incredibly offensive to compare a child eating a fucking sweet to a woman getting raped, and you should be fucking appalled and ashamed of yourself for making an analogy of the two.
Angry

HolyShet · 20/10/2017 10:12

Were they in a dish lying about or in an unopened box in your knicker drawer

If the former deffo not stealing.

FittonTower · 20/10/2017 10:12

If there are sweets within reach in my house then my kids are allowed to help themselves, if they are in the cupboard they are out of bounds.
Stealing is very strong for something that might not be against the rules in their house, presumptuous to help themselves but I think I'd probably laugh if someone told me my kids had been "stealing" in the way you describe too.

juddyrockingcloggs · 20/10/2017 10:13

AndrewJames

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Victim blaming?! She been relieved of couple of sweets. She’s not exactly the victim of an armed robbery or burglary.

FittonTower · 20/10/2017 10:14

Woah. A 9 year old pinching a sweetie is very VERY different to rape! That's a bit much.

DublinBlowin · 20/10/2017 10:14

Victim blaming!! Do you take this attitude with women wearing hot pants and crop tops?

And overreaction of the decade goes to the poster above Hmm

sinceyouask · 20/10/2017 10:17

It's not language I am comfortable with using in this scenario. To call this 'stealing' and to expect another parent to be furious about it is OTT. In some houses it would be entirely OK and accepted to eat sweets seen lying around.

Optimist1 · 20/10/2017 10:20

The novelty of seeing sweets in someone's bedroom was obviously too exciting for the siblings to resist.

Had they pocketed them and taken them home I think you could, at a stretch, have regarded it as stealing. You were being very heavy-handed to talk to their mother about what happened. Lighten up.

kali110 · 20/10/2017 10:21

Why the hell cant op keep sweets in her room Confused

Iwantamarshmallow · 20/10/2017 10:23

I think the other mothers attitude sucks and I would tell her her children will not be welcome in the future. I would be mortified if my dd went into someone else's house and took sweets without permission. I would be forcing her to write an appology letter and replace the sweets out of her own pocket money. However I do agree that you shouldn't have asked dd to go to your room if it's off limits.

bimbobaggins · 20/10/2017 10:23

what did 101 say when you phoned to log it.?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/10/2017 10:24

Helping yourself to ANYTHING without asking or prior permission in someone else's house is stealing, it's not too harsh to say that.

I'm sorry you had that experience but now at least you know those children can't be trusted without supervision the whole time.

It might be "just sweets" this time, but in a couple of years it might be "just make up" or "Just a pair of earrings" - the PRINCIPLE is the same regardless of what was taken.