To think this is stealing?

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

[SemiNormal]

Dontgiveaflyingfuck TBF I think the fact they were in a sealed tub out of sight and reach does make a difference, but maybe that's just me. It was rude of them but I don't think it's worth never having them around again or falling out with anyone over. If they do come over again just say to them no more going into your bedroom and if they want something then they are to ask as it hurt your feelings.

[Bluntness100]

I would not see this as theft either and I’d be quite horrified if you suggested it. It really is about what’s the norm at home. My daughter and her friends were and are always able to help themselves so the thought that someone I’d welcomed into my home had a sweet to then accuse them of theft is shocking to me. I’d honesrly think there was something wrong with you to suggest it.

My friends kids are late teens now, they come over with their parents sometimes and often raid my cupboards if they have the munchies. My daughters friends do the same, as does she in other houses, I know of no parent who would say it was theft.

So I think that on balance we are all different and the fact you view something like eating a sweet without permission as theft doesn’t mean others would.

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

And i think perhaps stealing is the wrong word. I'm autistic as well as tend to be very literal - to me stealing is taking without asking first. I don't see myself as a victimn nor this as a crime - the act is stealing and if it was my kids i want to know to make the point that stealing/taking without asking is wrong.

[BlueSapp]

i keep my treats in my room as its the only space in the whole house that the dds aren't allowed in unsupervised.

But then you sent your Daughter in unsupervised?

[randomuntrainedcuntowner]

I think you should call 101...

[ParanoidBeryl]

X post

[lurkingnotlurking]

It is wrong, Op. But stealing is too extreme. I also tend to be very literal (although I've no reason to assume I'm autistic) but more balance is needed in your reaction. Your update above was much more reasonable

[SilverSpot]

Well the mums attitude is bad, but then calling to report the 'stealing' is a bit over the top too.

Children don't have amazing self control, and maybe in their house sweets are for everyone.

[upperlimit]

I can't imagine the other mum will allow their children over again, in any case.

To have phrased it with the mum as stealing, rather than misjudged or poor manners, smacks of someone seeking out drama.

[AndrewJames]

Why should taking sweets be less of a moral issue than a diamond necklace?

Do I really have to explain that to an adult? Seriously? That's depressing.
Hmm,lets think, in what way is a child eating a sweet not the same thin as stealing a diamond necklace? Anyone?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Thank you AndrewJames

"Victim blaming" it totally inappropriate in this instance.

These are children - they have been naughty, and should be told off, but nothing more, I'm sure their mother would be more likely to have sympathised with you of you hadn't used the term "stealing". Technically, you may be right, but it's a couple kids and a few sweets, not your Rolex and a tiara.

[WhoPoppedMyBalloon]

An adult doing this is out of order. A kid doing it is just slightly cheeky.
Next time they are round you should tell them that you do not want them doing it again. If they ignore you , then you speak to the parents and ask them to talk to their children about it.

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

It is steaming though... or am I missing something? Taking something from somewhere without permission to then use or consume the item is stealing? If you took a sweet from a tub in a shop it’s stealing. If you take something from someone’s house it’s stealing so why because it’s a sweet is it suddenly not stealing?

Yes it’s minor in the grand scheme of things but stealing is the appropriate word and why wouldn’t it be?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Ok, I am going to try to write my post more coherently and then I’m going to go.

I really wasn’t trying to compare the act of taking sweets to rape. I really, truly wasn’t. I am so sorry if I have offended anyone. I am not trying to trivialise rape. I can only imagine how the victims of rape must feel and I can only apologise profusely for anything I said that came across as me trivialising it.

I was comparing the poster blaming the OP for leaving the sweets out as they would be tempting with the horrendous attitude that some have that rapists were too tempted by revealing clothes.

As I said, I am really sorry. I’m just going to leave this thread now.

[QuackPorridgeBacon]

Stealing*

[just5morepeas]

It depends, if they went through your drawers/things searching for something and then found the sweets or there was a closed packet and they opened it and took some I think that's quite out of order.

But if there was a few sweets laying about loose or in a bowl then it's more understandable - if still not nice.

Not sure I would term it "stealing" in either case though.

[Imstickingwiththisone]

So you keep them in your room as it's the only place DC can't go unsupervised. Because if you left them in the kitchen she would take one without asking? So what's the difference between that and what happened with the other children since they were also unsupervised?

Calling it stealing is being very literal and i would be a bit pissed off at my child being called a thief tbh. That doesn't mean it was right, just that what they did was cheeky rather than theft.

[Bluntness100]

I'm autistic as well as tend to be very literal

Fair enough, but what’s shocking is some of the things being posted here, not only encouraging you to believe this is a criminal offence but to actually suggest these children will go on to steal jewellery or even compare it to rape is beyond shocking, it really does make for very sad reading indeed.

[sukitea]

If a mum came to me and told me that one of mine had stolen from her house i would be absolutely mortified. When I found out it was a few sweets that were sitting around? I would think she was a bit OTT even mentioning it.

Was it a box of sweets that they stole, or loose sweets sitting on the dressing table?

[diddl]

Did you tell the mum that they must have clibed on the bed & that it was an unopened box?

That's quite different imo to a child following yours into a room that they shouldn't be in & grabbing a couple of sweets that are in full view & easy to get.

I might have laughed that off a bit although still spoken to my child about.

The first I would be replacing with a new box.

[Jamhandprints]

I think yabu to call it stealing and to report the consumption of a sweet to the "criminal"'s parent. Its a bit unkind and inhospitable to say they can't go in your room during the play date but your dd can. It should be the same rules for all while they are there.

[gillybeanz]

taking something which doesn't belong to you = stealing, however you dress it up.

HTH

[lottieandmia]

They were old enough to ask permission so they were ill mannered. I guess technically it is stealing but they probably didn’t realise.

[CecilyP]

Why did you need your sewing kit if you were in the middle of cooking with your toddler; surely you can't cook and sew at the same time? For a room that is 'out of bounds' they must have been in there afair old time to be able to rummage around and find your stash of sweets in a sealed container on a high shelf. How did they even know where to look? Yes it is naughty behaviour, but calling it stealing is crazy. Perhaps the other mum always shares her sweets!

[ErnesttheBavarian]

Did you tell the kids off, or just speak to the mum?

I would be really annoyed in the scenario that you described (that these guests climbed onto your bed and took a sealed packet of sweets that were out of reach). They must have known it was wrong. My dd is 9 and I can't imagine her doing something like that. Really old enough to know better. I would have said something to the mum too, and would have been pretty pissed off at her dismissing it as only sweets. I get she might have found the word 'stealing' too hard, but they did go into your room without permission, and took something that didn't belong to them.

I don't think I'd let them back tbh.