To think this is stealing?

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

I hope your dc know not to take things that don't belong to them, it can land you in prison

Hahahaha. It was a few sweets. I stole a sweet from a pick n mix stall when I was about 9...Funnily enough I've never been to prison or ever ever been in trouble with the police.

I suppose it is literally and technically stealing, but most people would think that with young kids and with something so low-value and tempting, it's not that bit a deal. "Stealing" is quite a serious word, whereas "pinching" or "nicking" sound a bit less judgemental in this context.

I was at a wedding at the weekend and two 9/10 year olds went into a ladies handbag and plastered themselves with her very expensive makeup, ruining quite a lot of it in the process! I think some young 'uns struggle with boundaries at that age!

I dunno I would go nuts if someone helped themselves to shit in my bedroom. That’s one of the reasons I keep it locked.

Apparently people think it’s ok for their kids to help themselves in other people’s houses. Lovely manners being installed there

I think 9 and 10 is old enough to know better.

whiskyowl I would be furious if that happened to me. I am amazed that so many expect so little from 9 and 10 year olds.

Apparently people think it’s ok for their kids to help themselves in other people’s houses

Show me on post that says that ^

*one post

If this happened at my house I would be livid. These are not toddlers, they are children who SHOULD know the difference between right and wrong. If my child went to someone else's house and took sweets which were clearly NOT put out for them to eat, I would be really very very upset. Additionally they are old enough to know the difference between one child getting a thing, and a room which is ' in bounds'. Very poor behaviour and poor from the mother too.

Apparently people think it’s ok for their kids to help themselves in other people’s houses

Nobody thinks its ok. We're just objecting to the drama llamas calling it stealing and comparing it to major crimes.

If your 9 year old does not understand these boundaries (going into someone's handbag ) and are otherwise neurotypical, then they are lacking basic skills which is a parenting issue.

Of course it is not a major crime. Of course it is stealing. That is not being a drama llama.

I am on the autistic spectrum too, but I would regard this as rudeness rather than theft. If I contacted the parents of every child I'd had in my house whose behaviour I considered a bit rude, I would have done a lot of complaining over the years and the DCs would have no friends left. I think you overreacted, OP, though you're in a lot of company, it would seem. I do think, though, that it would not have been unreasonable to reiterate to your own DD that you considered this unacceptable behaviour on the friends' part.

This is what the phrase 'petty theft' covers. It's sweets and lippy from someone's handbag, pic and mix, moving into shop lifting as a teenager. Maybe they'll grow out of it, maybe they'll continue dishonest and start borrowing tenners from your purse or the till at work. These aren't serious crimes. Would you be happy if your child was that kind of person.....?

Yes I stole sweets from pick n mix as a kid. Hardly crime of the century, I would still call it stealing.

It doesnt matter what the worth of it was. The children shouldn't take anything from someone elses home without asking, even if they are allowed to help themselves at home. Its not ok to do that.

I would be horrified if my child went into an out of bounds room, raked through someone's belongings, then ate their food.

Nine and 10 is plenty old enough to know better. They're not toddlers.

Erm all the ones who are taking the piss out of the OP for her wording. Who has repeatedly said she’s autistic. Nice bit of understanding and tolorence there.

What those kids did is bad mannered and wrong. Their mother should have dealt with it. Mine would have been dragged over the coals for that. Not too sure on how any of you would have though reading your posts.

I would be horrified if my child went into an out of bounds room, raked through someone's belongings, then ate their food

No-one told them it was out of bounds. We don't even know if they asked the OPs DD if they could have the sweets, maybe they did maybe they didn't. It doesn't guarantee that they're going to jail when they're older, people are really over-reacting. They may have been rude but they're not bad.

OPenthepickles - Bluntness has said pretty much just that.

Bluntness has said pretty much just that

I said it about friends and friends kids. This is the way we are in our social circle. But my room is not out of bounds and I don’t keep sweets on a high shelf or call them treats.

My daughter would not do it in a home she was not sure of the protocol and would ask first or more likely wait to be offered. In the homes of good friends where she knows the protocol she would.. I personally would not expect kids or friends to ask in my home, I’m happy to share.

However, if the window cleaner did it, I’d consider it rude, but I still wouldn’t call him a thief for necking some haribo.

OPenthepickles - Bluntness has said pretty much just that

Yes well it's my opinion too.

There's a lot of crap posted here including the nit picking over whether to use 'stealing' or 'nicking' as a description.

Also, using phrases like the room being 'out of bounds' is pointless. The DD knew the bedroom was out of bounds but she was asked to fetch something. A child who was not autistic may have been able to tell their friends the room was private and to wait outside.

I don't think the example of children eating fruit that's in the kitchen is a fair comparison; sure, it's still taking something without it being offered and is wrong. But the OP was talking about a) an invasion of her private space and b) taking things to eat that weren't on offer.

It's not a hanging offence. Kids will be kids. But it says a lot about how they have been dragged brought up and their mum's attitude is dreadful.

Why do we have definitions if we are being told they aren’t true? It’s not about opinion here, taking something without permission is stealing. Simple as that really. The kids stole, it’s minor and I’m not sure if I would have spoken to he parent but I would have said to the child not to do it again if I caught them and would have told them it is stealing and isn’t very nice. But to say it isn’t stealing is stupid. Teach your kids not to do hints in others homes that they would do in their own unless they are told otherwise by the host. Why is that so difficult?

Things* instead of hints.

Why do we have definitions if we are being told they aren’t true? It’s not about opinion here, taking something without permission is stealing

Because its not that simple and words have various meanings. There are gray areas and nuance. Something MN'ers struggle with!

If I take my husbands car without asking his permission am I stealing? If he uses my toothpaste is he stealing? Both involve taking somehting that is not theirs without permission. Stealing would be the wrong word to use though.