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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is stealing?

468 replies

Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 20/10/2017 09:42

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 14:43

You gave t back didn’t you? Therefore you borrowed the car. Stealing would be to take without replacement like the sweets. Borrowing is taking something and then giving it back. If he replaces the toothpaste or it is replaced in the shopping that you both contribute to then no it isn’t stealing but it is borrowing. Either way I would ask before either of those things. What if he needed the car? The toothpaste I guess you wouldn’t need to ask unless you took the last bit.

GherkinSnatch · 20/10/2017 14:50

If I take my husbands car without asking his permission am I stealing

If he doesn't consent to you taking his car it probably would be classed as that, yes.

Lethaldrizzle · 20/10/2017 15:15

Op do you think you can find it in your heart to forgive their childish ways? And maybe give up sweets in the bedroom!

user1487671808 · 20/10/2017 15:23

A 9 & 10 Yr old have no need or reason to be following your DD into your bedroom and taking something is not right whichever way you look at it. Fast forward 5 or 10 yrs and will they also be taking jewellery or money because they saw it laying around and no one would know? It’s bad behaviour and should be disciplined now. I would be mortified if my kids did that. Whilst they may occasionally push boundaries in our own home I totally expect excellent behaviour and good manners in someone else’s house.

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2017 15:23

Some people really are very black and white, and very unbending in general. I do wonder how many friends or what kind of social life these posters have. I’m going to guess it isn’t good.

I Don’t answer the door, make an appt to see me, don’t stay over night in my house, You are not welcome, I won’t stay over night in yours, as I like my own space, if you take a sweet whilst in my home without asking you are a thief and I will tell you so, if I invite you for dinner you will get a set portion based on my decision and you will eat it and be thank ful, even if you hate it, you will not drink my booze it’s hidden, and you will not drop by unannounced, it’s rude.

It’s just all such an unappealing hard ungiving way to live.

0ccamsRazor · 20/10/2017 15:25

I know a parent who laughed at her 8.5 year old stealing about 100 + items from his fellow class mates, over the course of a year. He knew it was wrong but she didn't take it seriously at all, just found it funny and in front of him said that she used to steal too, like that makes it all ok Hmm.

Poor kid hasn't got a chance with attitudes such as this.

Stealing is stealing and should never be brushed off.

TheFifthKey · 20/10/2017 15:29

I don't see anything weird about keeping your own treats in your bedroom, and I'd be mortified if my children helped themselves to any sweets in someone else's house. And, call me a terrible strict parent but they're not allowed to help themselves to anything except fruit in our house without asking first. I don't care if I leave a bag of sweets wide open on the side, it's still not for all and sundry to go dipping into. Ask and I'll probably say yes, take one, but children of any age are well able to learn not to stick their fingers into stuff that isn't theirs. I don't think that's as outlandish an idea as some people seem to think it is.

MuseumOfCurry · 20/10/2017 15:30

I can't believe you asked the mother which of her children had stolen from you. Are you for real?

I don't think much of you keeping candy in your room for your own consumption, either. Do you keep other food in your room that's off limits to the rest of your family?

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2017 15:30

I don't care if I leave a bag of sweets wide open on the side, it's still not for all and sundry to go dipping into

How can you call your own children or invited friends all and sundry ? Shock

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 15:50

Bluntness I am not like that at all, funnily enough with my mate I would still ask to have something but I know if I did take something it would be okay because through our friendship we have both learnt what is acceptable to us and what isn't. I do like my own space but I can't help that as its part of my anxiety and depression to need to be able to have my own space however, I do stay over at others houses and I'm happy for them to stay at mine and there are no rules to be honest, bar things like only smoke outside etc but I think that is a general rule that many would have.

Just because I understand that what was done was in fact stealing doesn't make me someone who is uptight or unreasonable, it just means I understand and respect the meaning of words and will call it as I see it. In this case the child did steal why deny it? I would class it as a crime and I certainly wouldn't be a victim as to me it is very minor but it is still stealing, why are people so quick to say it isn't?

TheFifthKey · 20/10/2017 15:54

My own children are still not entitled to grab hold of anything in the house! It's not all theirs! Nor is all of their stuff for me to take and have as I want. I don't root through food in a friend's house and they wouldn't in mine. Are they welcome to anything? Yes, pretty much, but it's up to me to decide if I want to share it or not. I don't crack open my kids Easter eggs or Halloween sweets as I please and they don't dip into my stuff whenever they want either.

Willow2017 · 20/10/2017 16:07

The crux of this is that the sweets were not just lying around for anyone to take.
They were in Ops bedroom which the kids were told not to go into.
They were in a place where the kids had to climb onto her bed and take the box down and open it to get at the sweets, it wasnt just a quick pick a sweet out a bowl.

At 9 & 10 I would be mortified that my kids had gone into someones bedroom after being told it was out of bounds and deliberately climbed on their bed to take someone elses sweets.

And I hide sweets in my room, my kids have their sweets and I have mine. Often we share but sometimes I just want a treat to myself when they have finished theirs and putting it in my room ensures I keep it longer. Just because I have sweets doesnt mean I have to allow my kids friends to help themselves. Why the hell is it anyone elses business where OP keeps her own damm sweets?

MuseumOfCurry · 20/10/2017 16:10

They were in Ops bedroom which the kids were told not to go into.

Except to fetch the sewing kit.

I'd be unhappy if my children went into their friend's parents' bedroom and were nosing around, but equally, I would not dream of bringing this up with the parents if the shoe were on the other foot. Totally over the top.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 16:11

Curry the kids were not told to fetch anything, her daughter was.

MuseumOfCurry · 20/10/2017 16:12

Shock, surprise, the kids followed their friend into her mother's bedroom.

BlueSapp · 20/10/2017 16:15

What a load of rubbish, SHE changed the boundries after sayign no one in the Bedroom she shoulve got it herself. They were badly behaved thats it, shuch drama over a couple of sweets!

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 16:28

I’m not surprised they did and I understand that they would, I was correcting you because you said that they were told to get something when they weren’t.

MuseumOfCurry · 20/10/2017 16:39

Fair enough, but I find it really weird that the OP would not want people in her bedroom but then send her daughter into her bedroom when she has 2 friends over. It's not rocket science. Kids move in packs on playdates.

RadioGaGoo · 20/10/2017 16:40

Oh my God, are some people actually judging the OP for having sweets in her room?

'I don't think much of you keeping candy in your room for your own consumption'

Absolutely hilarious statement!

PollyPerky · 20/10/2017 16:43

If I take my husbands car without asking his permission am I stealing?

Do you mean 'take' as in never give it back, or borrow? Be specific.

If he uses my toothpaste is he stealing?

Presumably the toothpaste is bought from your combined income and what's yours is his too? Or do you each buy your own soap, toothpaste, loo rolls?

Both involve taking somehting that is not theirs without permission. Stealing would be the wrong word to use though

You are being silly, You are a married couple, sharing a home. This is totally different from a child's friends coming into your house, going into your private space and taking something (and eating it) without asking you if it's ok.

PollyPerky · 20/10/2017 16:47

It could only be on MN that someone who posts about something being taken without their permission, could be turned on for having the item in the first place. And in the wrong place too.

"Ah, Mrs Smith. So your car was stolen from your garage. Why do you keep a car there at all? It's really not a good idea. It's your fault it was stolen. Sorry we aren't going to track down the thief."

AndrewJames · 20/10/2017 16:53

You are being silly

No, I'm point out that the simple definition of the word does not always apply even when the definition is met. you just agreed with me.

AtHomeDadGlos · 20/10/2017 16:55

Why do you keep sweets in your bedroom? Hmm

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 17:00

The op has already explained why she has sweets in her room. Are you not reading the thread?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 17:03

Andrew you are misunderstanding the word stealing, clearly. You borrowed the car and you shared the toothpaste that you both paid for. Did the children pay for the sweets? Do they live in the house where the sweets are held? Did they have permission to enter the room in which the sweets where held? The answer is no, therefore it is stealing.

Here is the definition for those that are struggling.

To think this is stealing?
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