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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh stressing about having been told wrong gender

245 replies

Shehz21 · 19/10/2017 07:26

More of a WWYD.
I had a private scan at 16w+5 and was told girl.
Since yesterday DH has been on Dr.google and saw how many cases there are of wrong genders being told before 20 weeks(even after the 20w scan in some cases!!).
I am very thankful for this baby and would be happy no matter whether its a boy or girl as long as its healthy but DH wants to pay for another scan now at 18w to reconfirm baby gender. It is annoying him so much that I feel like complying with him and going for the scan but its £59!!!
Is it worth it to go just for his peace of mind or wait 2 weeks until NHS scan?

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 19/10/2017 07:27

Does it actually matter what sex the baby is? What does it affect?

ChickenJalfrezi · 19/10/2017 07:28

Wow he sounds like hard work! If he can’t wait two weeks for an NHS scan then he’s going to struggle with years of parenting!

Is it bothering him a particular way?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 19/10/2017 07:28

And what difference will the 2 weeks make? Might as well wait, surely?

Nothimnotmenothernotthee · 19/10/2017 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotteringAlong · 19/10/2017 07:29

Why? What difference will 2 weeks make? And, like you said, no one will tell you for definite anyway unless you have a test like the harmony test.

Rachie1973 · 19/10/2017 07:29

Why is he flapping so much?

HerSymphonyAndSong · 19/10/2017 07:29

What exactly is he worried about if it turns out the sex is different to that suggested at the scan? Has he explained this? Is it something else he is worrying about so he is fixating on this issue?

bimbobaggins · 19/10/2017 07:29

What titty said.
Don’t “comply “ with this if you don’t want to.

Original poster
Shehz21 · 19/10/2017 07:30

Seems to mean the world to DH as he was going through a rough patch with work/parents and wants to bond properly with the baby and now it seems to annoy him that he can't be sure if its a he or she.
I personally do not care, been having a difficult pregnancy with hyperemesis and just want baby to be healthy despite me only losing weight so far.

OP posts:
Creampastry · 19/10/2017 07:30

What an Arse. He’s going to be harder work than the baby.

Lupinsoryourlife · 19/10/2017 07:30

Congratulations on your pregnancyFlowers

I'd be wondering why it mattered to DH so much tbh. Is it your first child? A healthy baby is the main thing surely? A scan for his peace of mind just seems a bit odd to me.

I wouldn't pay for another scan in your position. I'd tell DH that you definitely know you're having a babySmile and that's all the confirmation you need for the next 2 weeks.

Evelynismyspyname · 19/10/2017 07:30

Why does it matter so much to him? If he's concerned about telling other people the baby is biologically female and it being born with a penis then probably best just to say that you don't know yet/ aren't telling people...

No harm in another scan.

Gender these days apparently means something insubstantial and utterly subjective going on inside your mind, so I suppose a fetus doesn't have a gender, just a biological sex.

HotelEuphoria · 19/10/2017 07:32

If there's one thing I've learnt on MN, it is the sex you are referring to and not the gender misses point of thread

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 19/10/2017 07:32

Tbh you cannot be sure at an NHS 20w scan either. DD was a 'boy, 99% sure' at the 20w scan.

Except, er, she wasn't!

SS81C · 19/10/2017 07:32

It's worth considering that a sonographer will never confirm 100% what sex the baby is on a scan - they will tell you what they think it is so even another private scan will only tell you what they think it is.

I think you need to try and calm your DH down about it. Even if you havd two more scans theoretically they could all tell you the wrong thing.
It does happen!

Original poster
Shehz21 · 19/10/2017 07:33

The only thing that makes sense to me so far is that his mum said she only wants to "celebrate" having a grandchild if its a female. And he has already told his mum its a baby girl.
Probably why he is stressing so much.
My MIL is a real nightmare tbh.

OP posts:
RemainOptimistic · 19/10/2017 07:33

DH needs to get a grip. His job is to support you. The baby isn't some sort of toy for him to entertain himself with. He needs to grow up and fast.

SerendipityFelix · 19/10/2017 07:33

I would use this as an opportunity to explore with him why he feels it’s so important for him to know if your child is male or female. What would he be doing/feeling/thinking differently if it is either sex.

To be honest it sounds like perhaps he really wants a son rather than a daughter, and is hoping if he checks again he’ll get he answer he wants. I’d talk to him and explore his feelings around parenting a daughter vs parenting a son, and use these few weeks to help prepare him to better parent either sex being aware of his gender prejudice.

Lupinsoryourlife · 19/10/2017 07:35

But why does he need to know the sex in order to bond with the baby? A baby is just a baby. There's no need to treat them differently depending on whether it's a boy or girl. Does your DH realise that?

Sorry to hear you're having a difficult pregnancy op. My advice would be to put yourself first here. Your DH should be doing all he can to make things easier for you. Not stressing you out over such irrelevant nonsense.

RemainOptimistic · 19/10/2017 07:36

Cross posted with OP!

Nice drip feed. Confused

In which case it's high time for DH to start standing up to his mother. That comment is out of order and he needs to tell her that ASAP!

sayyouwill · 19/10/2017 07:36

The baby is what the baby is. It's gender at this point in time is completely and utterly irrelevant. The baby will be his child, regardless. I don't see how people think they can't bond with said baby until they know if their bits are in or out! You also don't know what eye colour the baby has, whether they have hair or not, what their personality is like. All you know, and all you need to know, is that this baby already loves you both. They are made from you two and is healthy and loved.

Lupinsoryourlife · 19/10/2017 07:36

Exactly what SerendipityFelix said.

Yogagirl123 · 19/10/2017 07:37

In my experience I was told the gender of both of my children and they were right. £59 is quite a lot of money that could be better spent on other things. Two weeks isn’t too long to wait. Why is your DH so stressed about confirming the gender?

Bourdic · 19/10/2017 07:37

This is absolutely awful - poor baby, poor wife.

Trb17 · 19/10/2017 07:37

My SIL has 3 scans advising girl.

They had a boy.

Your MIL sound awful and if my MIL had said that she’d be cut off.

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