Dh stressing about having been told wrong gender

[Shehz21]

More of a WWYD.
I had a private scan at 16w+5 and was told girl.
Since yesterday DH has been on Dr.google and saw how many cases there are of wrong genders being told before 20 weeks(even after the 20w scan in some cases!!).
I am very thankful for this baby and would be happy no matter whether its a boy or girl as long as its healthy but DH wants to pay for another scan now at 18w to reconfirm baby gender. It is annoying him so much that I feel like complying with him and going for the scan but its £59!!!
Is it worth it to go just for his peace of mind or wait 2 weeks until NHS scan?

Really you need to put your foot down and say NO. Don't let MIL control you. Your DH needs to work out his issues with his mother. If you give in to the scan, you will be starting on a slippery slope. Nip the shit in the bud now and enjoy your pregnancy.

Poor DH! I'd just go for an extra scan if it makes him feel better. Unless you're struggling to make ends meet and the £59 means you struggle to pay utilities or put food on the table.

What a strange post.

Grim. I didn't find out my baby's sex during pregnancy, but I did spend the whole pregnancy telling MIL consistently and emphatically that my instinct said it was a boy, because I knew she wanted a girl and didn't want any funny business once the baby arrived.

Minerva Did u end up with a boy?
Some MILs though..

Ding Good idea. Will just tell her I read too many scans are dangerous in pregnancy.

No - a beautiful baby girl who, as it turns out, has considerable SEN. MIL has some funny ideas about that too, so we are LC these days...

*KarmaNoMore

Is he resisting the idea of having a girl? I can expect he is doing so much fuss because he wants to be sure he paints the nursery with the right colour.*

The right colour? What the heck is the right colour? No wonder gender stereotypes are so hard to overcome when we have a generation of new parents painting the walls according to their baby's sex.

@Shehz21 your MIL sounds like a piece of work.. I feel for your DH that he's not able to stand up to his mum and put her in her place.

You r DH sounds an absolute nightmare; please stand up to him on this. Although a scan isn’t unpleasant, it is a medical procedure so you shouldn’t submit to it because of his silliness, especially if you are enduring a difficult pregnancy. Find something frivolous to spend £59 on instead, or donate to a medical charity that provides for people in real need.

To be fair to your dh, this is his mother. I suspect it’s very difficult for him to see just how abnormal her behaviour is and he’s spent a lifetime dealing with it. It is his “normal”. (I have a toxic mother).

I would be more sympathetic towards him and help him see that actually this isnt normal and isn’t something to stress about, especially as (I assume) the scan so far shows everything is fine. At 20 weeks you’ll have more certainty over gender but you won’t really know until the baby is born.

As for your MIL, pull her up on those comments if she makes them in your presence. I would.

Omg. Yes the mil is crazy but do you honestly want to be with a man who gives a shit what she thinks? That would be so unattractive. This is his CHILD. A grown man scared of his own mother. Tell him to get a grip.

poor dh err why? He needs to start dealing with his awful mother. What a thing to say about the birth of a grandchild. I can never understand on this type of thread why people put up with their relatives’ shocking behaviour.

I didn't find out the sex of mine until they were born. With my second FIL said to me "it would be such a shame if it's another girl, no one to pass the family name to", said in front of DD (fortunately too young to understand).

I told him maybe one of my girls will give any children her shitty name. He then started rambling about Claire Balding and lesbians. My fury was replaced by sheer amusement at his ridiculousness.

I had another girl btw

Your DH needs to find a way to rise above his mothers awfulness.

No, don't tell her too many scans are harmful. Just tell her you don't want to have one now, and will be waiting.

mamasiz I think since my FIL passed away a couple of years ago and his elder brother living abroad, DH feels the need to please my MIL as much as possible which I don't mind.
But she has always been (very)nasty to me and my SIL(DH brother's wife) esp as she got two sons and my MIL doesn't like boys for whatever reason
Plus I can't let DH please MIL to the point of spending another sum of money 2 weeks after a previous scan just to ascertain that I am expecting a baby girl!

the scan but its £59!!! Is it worth it to go just for his peace of mind or wait 2 weeks until NHS scan?

Why don't you tell him that for about £40 he can have an hour with a therapist and start the road to sorting out his mental issues to achieve true peace of mind that isn't achieved through worrying which sex his next child is going to be.

Can we stop with the 'too many scans are harmful' stuff please? Some of us had to have multiple scans because of pregnancy complications and it's not acceptable to frighten other women because of one batshit MIL.

Tell your DH no but you really need to start drawing firm boundaries now or you're in for a whole world of pain once the baby is born.

Tell MiL you are planning to raise the baby Gender neutral and there will be no pink bows allowed.

I would really like to again thank all posters for the support. I have a sudden urge to stand up against such foolishness now. I am usually the 'soft' kind and give into pressure easily but not anymore...
Definitely not when it comes to my unborn DC.

Tell your DH that even on the 20 week scan the most they will say is 95% girl. There is still room for an error.
To be honest it might be better not to ask the gender at 20 week scan and what will be will be, therefore he can't give any gender 'assurances' to the MIL.

Seems the men haters are out in force today... Your DH isn't an arse, nor hard work, I know if this was my partner it would niggle at him day and night if he didn't know. No, the scan probably won't reassure him either way as it could still be wrong, but I'm sure he's accommodated some weird stuff for you whilst you're pregnant, it's his baby too, let him have his flap if multiple scans are what he needs to feel closer to the baby, as long as it's not going to screw you financially, there's no harm in it I suppose.

Minidoghugs I love this idea! Yes no more pink and bows! Gender neutral is the way to go!

You are Right to refuse another scan when you have already had one and are due an NHS one in a few weeks. The 20 week scan is primarily to detect abnormalities not to confirm gender anyway. What difference does it make whether it is a boy or girl so long as it is healthy. Your husband should be standing up to his mum as what sort of grandmother says they will only celebrate a girl and not a boy? She sounds awful.

Even if he has a private gender scan, they make you sign a disclaimer. Nothing is a sure thing.

Don't just stand up to her, though. Make sure you talk to DH as well. It's tricky dealing with an emotionally abusive parent and he might not even fully realise the extent he's controlled by her if it hasn't encroached on his adult life much before. You've really got to get him to a point that he sees it's madness to pander to her gender preference, you can't do it alone.