Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh stressing about having been told wrong gender

245 replies

Shehz21 · 19/10/2017 07:26

More of a WWYD.
I had a private scan at 16w+5 and was told girl.
Since yesterday DH has been on Dr.google and saw how many cases there are of wrong genders being told before 20 weeks(even after the 20w scan in some cases!!).
I am very thankful for this baby and would be happy no matter whether its a boy or girl as long as its healthy but DH wants to pay for another scan now at 18w to reconfirm baby gender. It is annoying him so much that I feel like complying with him and going for the scan but its £59!!!
Is it worth it to go just for his peace of mind or wait 2 weeks until NHS scan?

OP posts:
Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 19/10/2017 09:53

If you do have a girl OP then the battle really will start when the baby is born. Get your boundaries sorted now, else you may have your mil turning up when you’re in labour, demanding to have sleepovers and calling your baby ‘hers’. There is a real risk of your baby being the favourite grandchild and the other two being pushed away.

If your mil is a nightmare already about only celebrating if she’s a girl then this may multiply by ten when baby is actually here. You need to sort this now and with your DH too. If he won’t stand up to her nonsense now what on earth will it be like after she’s born?

Uokbing · 19/10/2017 09:54

If anyone only wanted to celebrate my baby determined on their sex I wouldn't allow them to be part of their life. No matter who it was. What a disgusting attertude.

THIS!

jwpetal · 19/10/2017 09:55

I would be concerned regarding this obsession. Is he worried about anything in particular? Anxiety at work? Did he want to have a child?
These issues need to be explored before the baby is born. The first year can be really stressful for the relationship. Bonding happens over time and not in the womb. this is only the start of a years of the unknown. Even with the scan, they get it wrong sometimes.

FizzyGreenWater · 19/10/2017 09:56

I think I'd start keeping MIL well at arm's length right now.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/10/2017 09:58

Also - what happens if both scans say "grin" and you have a boy? (Unlikely, but not impossible.)

And- how des she thin this will make your SIL feel if her two boys are pushed out of the way for your girl (I'm sure you wouldn't want this either)poster has said - What do you do when the battle for your' daughter starts . . . ?

And - as another

GabsAlot · 19/10/2017 09:58

id paint nursry blue on purpose just to piss her off

if u dont nip this in the bud now its just going to get wors once baby is here

deydododatdodontdeydo · 19/10/2017 09:58

I think some people underestimate how damaging a toxic parent and upbringing can be.
"He should stop being so wet and stand up to her" - easy to say if you've never had this kind of upbringing and shows huge lack of empathy.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/10/2017 09:59

*girl, not grin - obviously Hmm

(You total TWAT, autocorrect!)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/10/2017 10:00

"He should stop being so wet and stand up to her" - easy to say if you've never had this kind of upbringing and shows huge lack of empathy.

You are right there deydodo.

Things ingrained in infancy are VERY difficult to overcome,

Minerva1234 · 19/10/2017 10:00

I really think you need to nip this in the bud now and make it clear that MIL's views on this are not to be tolerated. If you do have a girl and she's pleased, what next? What if your next baby is a boy and not worthy of being celebrated? I really don't think anyone should be humouring this at all.

user1472377586 · 19/10/2017 10:03

Get the Harmony test done.
It is a simple blood test. It will tell the gender of your baby 100%.

diddl · 19/10/2017 10:11

Blood test?

FFS-Op doesn't care why- should she be having scans/blood tests for info that other people want?

KimmySchmidt1 · 19/10/2017 10:11

Do you have money to burn? Because we are pretty well off and did not do anything until the 20 week scan. I dont understand what the point of throwing money down a hole is - you cannot reliably tell until 20 weeks. Just wait. Your husband is being unhinged and it is your job to talk some sense into him. the baby is in your body - you decide when to get a scan. See?

Coconutspongexo · 19/10/2017 10:17

Yeah .. harmony testing is so cheap just to find out what sex you're having Hmm

Alexkate2468 · 19/10/2017 10:21

DH is not an arse and it isn't his only job to support you (as another poster said). It's s much his baby and his life that is going to change. Finding out you're going to be a parent is a huge thing to take on board and can raise all kinds of weird issues to work through. Let him do it in his own way. If knowing the sex helps (it did for me even though I wasn't bothered either way) then let him. I wouldn't pay for the scan though if it's only 2 weeks after. Some posters on here need to give dh a break. It's the MIL that sounds like the problem.

SukiTheDog · 19/10/2017 10:31

Your DH is being a bit ridiculous. You get what you’re given and you’ll know for sure, soon enough. Wait the two weeks. Even then, they can get it wrong. Just sayin’

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 19/10/2017 10:34

Some men think passing on the family name is a big deal, DH was like this.

Oliversmumsarmy · 19/10/2017 10:42

Have you asked him how things would change if you had a boy.

In our area you are not allowed to know the sex of the baby unless you have an amnio.

The only reason I wanted to know was about paint colours, should I buy first born clothes for girls or boys. Ll

DeadButDelicious · 19/10/2017 10:55

I don't think I'd be having unnecessary scans. They can affect baby.

There is no actual, reliable, confirmed, evidence to suggest that scans are in any way harmful. And to suggest that there is, is irresponsible.

BakedBeans47 · 19/10/2017 10:55

Your DH is being very U given there’s only 2 weeks till the NHS scan anyway. He is also being U in general in being so obsessed with knowing the sex but in some ways given his complete cunt of a mother it’s a tad understandable.

I wouldn’t go for another private scan and if the NHS scan doesn’t confirm the sex he’ll need to get a grip and wait til the birth.

lurkingnotlurking · 19/10/2017 11:00

Congratulations on your baby, Op. Who cares what's between its legs? I hope it all goes well. You're going to need to create some distance with that MIL going forward

midnightmisssuki · 19/10/2017 11:04

.... my cousin was told she was having a girl at her 20 week scan... she was elated, as she alreay had a boy, bought stuff, had a party etc, 26 week scan, the dr says, something like 'yes, your son is doing very well in there, growing nicely etc etc'... you just really cant be 100% and sometimes, the dr/nurses/midwives/ get it wrong. Healthy is what you dh should be after.

IhaveChillyToes · 19/10/2017 11:05

TBH not read whole thread

But did your MIL want your DH to be a girl?

If she has always been horrible to him and he has an older brother, did she get pregnant a 2nd time and really want a girl but then DH was born a boy

Is there a chance that she lost a baby girl maybe between his older brother and his birth?

TheViceOfReason · 19/10/2017 11:06

Before the baby is here you need to be very clear with your DH that YOU COME FIRST.

No ifs, buts, maybes - it is only YOU and the baby that matter.

Or you will have MIL there as the baby is being expelled, round at the house constantly butting in whilst you adjust to having a baby, then pressuring you to hand over the baby when you don't want to - all whilst not being supported by your DH.

For the love of god get this sorted out now or you will be on here in a few months time with no end of issues. Take this minor issue as a warning of whats to come!.

Frazzled2207 · 19/10/2017 11:09

Your dh needs to get a grip and your MIL needs to feck off.

At 20 week scan there is a good chance sonographer will be be able to be fairly sure.
Though I think it’s easier to be “absolutely sure” when there are boy bits.
When I had 20wk scan with ds2 it was so obvious - Sonographer said “we’re not supposed to say we’re absolutely sure but I’m sure you can make your own mind up as to how likely it is to be a boy from this angle”!

Swipe left for the next trending thread