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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain about behaviour of gynaecologist

236 replies

TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:36

I know I'm not BU, but I guess I just want to talk this out.

High-profile gynae at private hospital in 2014. Referred to him for chronic pain during sex. Consultation was all fine, nurse present at examination. Without saying anything he pushed his fingers into my vagina, watching my face. When I winced he smirked in a very self-satisfied way. I've never had a Dr look for a pain response ANYWHERE without telling me "let me know if it hurts". And the look on his face - it's like he enjoyed hurting me.

It's bothered me ever since. In a way I don't want him to know that he got to me, and I certainly don't want a pointless apology from him. But I worry that he may be doing worse to other patients.

I did a web search of his name and can't find any complaints - just a few "patient reviews" that sound so OTT as to be fake. I'd feel better I think if I knew others had an issue. If it's the only complaint, it would be a waste of time and he'd get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me.

Vipers?

OP posts:
Ilovecoleslaw · 15/10/2017 11:40

That's really awful, you should have complained op.
But I'm wondering why you're only thinking about complaining now 3 years later?

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:42

Because I internalised it at the time as "just one of those things women go through" at the time. But I've recently started exploring my own past trauma and it's been playing on my mind.

OP posts:
sayyouwill · 15/10/2017 11:46

Is there any change you may have misread the situation? That the look on his face wasn't a smirk but maybe what he thought was a reassuring smile?
I'm only asking because if you come out and say this, it will be taken seriously and could have a massive impact on his life and livelihood, all of which he deserves if did do what you've indicated.

I would 100% report this if you are sure about what happened.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:47

If it was "a reassuring smile", why did he not warn me that he was looking for a pain response before putting his fingers into my vagina?

OP posts:
sayyouwill · 15/10/2017 11:51

Had you been before or would it have been reasonable for him to expect you to understand that it may be uncomfortable/painful?
I don't know, I wasn't there. But when I've been to the Drs before they haven't always informed me that something may be uncomfortable/painful or said they would be watching for pain responses unless they were checking for damage e.g. Sprained ankles

As I say, report it if you're sure what happened was wrong.

name1change12 · 15/10/2017 11:56

poor you OP, tbh I don't understand why men want to become gynaecologists in the first place. Better go & hide now.

sayyouwill · 15/10/2017 11:59

Why not? Confused

AnUtterIdiot · 15/10/2017 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 12:10

name1change12, because obstetrics and gynaecology (one specialty FYI) is fascinating? Because it allows you work in both medicine and surgery? Because seeing babies into the world is absolutely incredible? Because they have a passion for women's health? Seriously what an utterly ridiculous thing to say.

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 12:24

These incidences sound horrible. I am sure you name me a career (not just medical) and I can google you a gazillion articles of people abusing not just their position but committing hideous crimes and assaulting, raping, murdering. It literally has nothing to do with pursuing a career in OBs& Gynae (or any other medical specialty). There is nothing sexual about this. I think it is an awful and very ignorant thing to imply.

Greenleaf54321 · 15/10/2017 12:26

maybe he was happy because he had found the problem? That's what he is paid to do.

name1change12 · 15/10/2017 12:28

Based on my own personal experiences I am perfectly entitled to my opinion though.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 12:29

@sayyouwill, I have a feeling you're a bloke. Am I wrong?

Gynae could have been feeling for lumps and bumps or tightness or any of those things. It's entirely reasonable to say "I'm just going to check your vagina for X".

To be clear, I'm not going to contact the hospital saying "HE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ME!". I'm going to say he needs to be clearer with his patients when he is expecting a pain response. Especially when he is inserting something inside them.

Unfortunately some sexual predators will be attracted to the profession. But they're not all pervs.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 12:30

maybe he was happy because he had found the problem? That's what he is paid to do.

Holy shit, really?!

OP posts:
Greenleaf54321 · 15/10/2017 12:31

I completely don't understand what your complaining about. He examined you during and examination, and he smiled?

TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 12:32

This reply has been deleted

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Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 12:32

TenForward82, that sounds completely reasonable and useful feedback for him.

name1change12 you can hold any opinion you want, but spouting something quite that damaging and viscous online when it is factually incorrect is not ok. Thus I felt the need to call you out on it.

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 12:34

Ok in response to your latest post though: of course he needs to examine you. If you came in for abdominal pain, you would need an abdominal exam. And yes, that would likely hurt. However, expecting to be prewarned of this is is more than reasonable.

Danceswithwarthogs · 15/10/2017 12:34

Did he find and treat the problem?
Could it have been a slightly self-satisfied "I know what's going on here (because I'm actually a legend in my field)" face?
Could it possibly be more of a bedside manner/ego complex issue on his part?
I'm not sure how far a complaint would go, but it might help you to resolve your feelings if you wrote to the unit to feedback your experience... would an apology help?

Greenleaf54321 · 15/10/2017 12:35

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AgathaOHara · 15/10/2017 12:35

FFS.

You were lying with your legs open on a gynae couch and were surprised when he put his fingers inside you? What else did you think he was going to do? And then he smiled? Maybe it was supposed to be reassurance or acknowledgement.

Ridiculous.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 15/10/2017 12:36

If you feel it was wrong complain. We weren't there so can't really give any helpful opinion can we?

AgathaOHara · 15/10/2017 12:36

And the person who suggested that men shouldn't be gynaecologists should be utterly ashamed of themselves.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2017 12:36

I'm not really sure how/if the hospital would respond to a complaint about a look received, during an examination that took place 3 years ago.

But if you feel it will help you make peace with the situation, then perhaps YANBU.

On the other hand, I wonder if it may open a can of worms if you don't get the response you're perhaps hoping for?

Might be something to consider, OP.