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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To complain about behaviour of gynaecologist

236 replies

TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:36

I know I'm not BU, but I guess I just want to talk this out.

High-profile gynae at private hospital in 2014. Referred to him for chronic pain during sex. Consultation was all fine, nurse present at examination. Without saying anything he pushed his fingers into my vagina, watching my face. When I winced he smirked in a very self-satisfied way. I've never had a Dr look for a pain response ANYWHERE without telling me "let me know if it hurts". And the look on his face - it's like he enjoyed hurting me.

It's bothered me ever since. In a way I don't want him to know that he got to me, and I certainly don't want a pointless apology from him. But I worry that he may be doing worse to other patients.

I did a web search of his name and can't find any complaints - just a few "patient reviews" that sound so OTT as to be fake. I'd feel better I think if I knew others had an issue. If it's the only complaint, it would be a waste of time and he'd get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me.

Vipers?

OP posts:
bevelino · 15/10/2017 13:23

OP this subject matter on a public forum will attract unhealthy responses.

JoanneCoften · 15/10/2017 13:25

There are planets of long term MNetters coming on with really nasty responses though, it's not just drawing in the cunts.
Perhaps it's just the AIBU effect.

MadMags · 15/10/2017 13:25

I'm not sure where you'd get.

Imagine it: I'd like to complain because when he examined me, he smirked.

Him: no I didn't.

Hospital board: er...ok then...

I'm sorry for what you experienced. Nobody here can tell you that you're wrong. You could have misread it, he could have smirked. But nobody will ever be able to say that you're justified in your thinking, which won't help you get closure unfortunately.

You can for sure post your opinions on a forum, for example. He can't sue for a reasonably held opinion.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I've had loads of gynae treatment and it's unpleasant to say the least. Ironically, I've only ever had a problem with female GPs and gynaes. It was the males who helped me.

JoanneCoften · 15/10/2017 13:25

Plenty, not planets.

stitchglitched · 15/10/2017 13:27

It is possible to be both a longterm mumsnetter and a cunt.

VioletCharlotte · 15/10/2017 13:29

WTF is wrong with some of you people? A woman posts about sexual assault on a site, in the main, used by other women. She's told she's imagining it. FFS.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/10/2017 13:29

You absolutely were goading with your 'so come on then OP' comment. Not unusual for you though.

You opinion. I disagree.

I have had very bad experience with a female gynae which I have already said. Which I did report and was upheld.

So is it ok for me to say I think females shouldn't be gynaes? No it isn't. That's the point.

I have not commented on whether the OP should report or not. That's not my decision.

I disagree that someone should be banned from a profession due to their sex. The issue is with the person not which genitals they have.

JoanneCoften · 15/10/2017 13:30

At one of my local hospitals a few years ago a gynaecologist was investigated because enough women came forwards with their concerns dating back up to 20 odd years.

It's simply not true that the hospital won't be interested, they may not be able to do anything, but this may be a small part of a bigger picture, and IMO it's important to report. Too many men get away with vile behaviour because I women's concerns are dismissed, and the woman herself is made to question her motives for feeling uncomfortable. This thread puts some of you in a really nasty light.

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 13:30

So is it ok for me to say I think females shouldn't be gynaes? No it isn't. That's the point. This.

stitchglitched · 15/10/2017 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MatildaTheCat · 15/10/2017 13:35

You can still write and complain about his attitude and demeanour towards you during the consultation. Even after three years they will investigate your complaint and respond. It's entirely possible that you won't be alone. Hospitals cannot deal with individuals if they aren't complained about.

Was his misdiagnosis negligent in any way or simply getting it wrong?

I would write if it makes you feel better to get it off your chest. If you feel really strongly you can write to the GMC although, frankly they haven't been exactly wonderful in a complaint I made.

Lastly, there are some arrogant, sadistic bastards out there and some of them are doctors. I once saw a female obstetrician do a sweep on a woman so roughly that the woman cried and she stated that unless someone cried after a sweep it hadn't been done properly. Confused

Elendon · 15/10/2017 13:36

So it's perfectly fine to say you prefer male gynaecologists and post that you complained against a female one and it was upheld, hence your reason for gender preference; but NOT OKAY for the OP to lodge a complaint against a male gynae because it was AGES ago and she should get over it?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 15/10/2017 13:37

Yes I do think you should make a complaint if you feel comfortable in doing so he will also know that you were not afraid to question his behaviour

We know when something isn't quite right but it's not always easy to pinpoint what and we can't be intimidated by those who have greater knowledge

There may have been other complaints you are possibly not the only one

I am sorry your feelings have been so easily dismissed I believe you I know we can't always quite articulate what was wrong but I believe your experience you knowing something wasn't quite right in his behaviour to be true

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 13:38

I disagree that someone should be banned from a profession due to their sex. The issue is with the person not which genitals they have.

But you grouped me and another poster into that "come on then if you think yerr aaaard enough", when I never said anything of the sort. And you expect me NOT to be pissed off by that? Jog on.

My thought is just that, @MadMags - if other women have complained, a pattern may start to emerge. If no one else has, well, then maybe it was a one-off thoughtless act. Which is not great for me, but I can live with that. The thought that he may be doing worse to other women is what I can't comfortably live with.

OP posts:
chirpyburbycheapsheep · 15/10/2017 13:38

It's simply not true that the hospital won't be interested, they may not be able to do anything, but this may be a small part of a bigger picture, and IMO it's important to report

You are absolutely right of course in that she may get a positive response. I suppose my fear was, going on my experience, the OP would end up feeling dismissed but if she has survived this thread then she can survive most things.

chirpyburbycheapsheep · 15/10/2017 13:40

The thought that he may be doing worse to other women is what I can't comfortably live with.

That's exactly why I made my complaint. It took years of persistence but in the end I had a positive outcome so if you feel up to it then yes, absolutely complain.

name1change12 · 15/10/2017 13:41

Show me where I said men shouldn't become gynaecologists?

I said I didn't understand why they would want to?

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 13:43

name1change12 yes to which I explained to you some of the reasons why they might. To which you essentially replied, oh well maybe they are not ALL sexual predators, but they are still weird.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 13:43

I'm good, @chirpy. I've survived a lot. Toss-pot coward keyboard warrior misogynists don't even come close. Just another day on the internet, sadly. #internettingwhilefemale

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/10/2017 13:44

stitchglitched

You complain about my posts then come out with that completely untrue rubbish

I'm out.

name1change12 · 15/10/2017 13:44

where did I say they were weird?

petitdonkey · 15/10/2017 13:44

OP - I think you are being misinterpreted and treated horribly. The way that you said that you would deliver a complaint is more than reasonable and I think it would help you to move forward.

I have had a series of invasive examinations, all carried out by men and I was always treated with the utmost respect and care. You clearly feel that you weren't and that feeling is entirely valid.

I believe you Flowers

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 13:45

I'm out.

I think I'm owed an apology before you go, @Piglet? No? Oh well, then.

OP posts:
name1change12 · 15/10/2017 13:46

I experienced something similar (although not as extreme as this) from a GP several years ago, I was only 19. Like you, and so many women who are victims of sexual assault, I brushed it aside too. Thats the reason so many of these men get away with this for years and years. Women are too afraid to speak up as they don't think they'll be believed. As often they're not - just look at some of the comments on this thread.

This & people wonder why Harvey W & his ilk get away with so much.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/10/2017 13:49

I apologise OP.

You or stichglitched going to do the same?