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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain about behaviour of gynaecologist

236 replies

TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:36

I know I'm not BU, but I guess I just want to talk this out.

High-profile gynae at private hospital in 2014. Referred to him for chronic pain during sex. Consultation was all fine, nurse present at examination. Without saying anything he pushed his fingers into my vagina, watching my face. When I winced he smirked in a very self-satisfied way. I've never had a Dr look for a pain response ANYWHERE without telling me "let me know if it hurts". And the look on his face - it's like he enjoyed hurting me.

It's bothered me ever since. In a way I don't want him to know that he got to me, and I certainly don't want a pointless apology from him. But I worry that he may be doing worse to other patients.

I did a web search of his name and can't find any complaints - just a few "patient reviews" that sound so OTT as to be fake. I'd feel better I think if I knew others had an issue. If it's the only complaint, it would be a waste of time and he'd get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me.

Vipers?

OP posts:
Sohurt17 · 15/10/2017 13:51

I think you need to complain OP. For your own peace of mind and also so that there is a record on file. It might have been a one-off on this doctor’s part or there might be a building history of inappropriate/unprofessional behaviour. You owe it to yourself and other women under his care to speak up.

ShellyBoobs · 15/10/2017 13:51

Well I'm glad it's not just me Jen.

Bollocks.

Jen, quite reasonably, wondered why women are underrepresented in gynaecology.

Whilst you questioned why men work in the area and posted links to news stories about women being assaulted.

So yes, it is just you.

RebelRogue · 15/10/2017 13:53

I believe you OP.
And while the smirk is not quantifiable in a complaint,you can definitely make one about the lack of warning.

bananafish81 · 15/10/2017 13:54

@JenTeale women are under represented in Obs & Gynae as they are in other surgical specialities because it involves very un family friendly hours

Several female medic friends considered O&G very seriously, but opted to be GPs as they knew that any surgical speciality would be much more difficult to combine with having a family further down the line.

Cheby · 15/10/2017 13:58

I'm sorry you went through this OP. Absolutely do complain.

And I'm sorry people on this thread are misogynistic arseholes.

Thinkingofausername1 · 15/10/2017 13:59

I've come across a lot of ignorant doctors and consultants in my life. If I am uncomfortable, I don't hesitate to say something - especially when it's chronic pain - a lot of doctors will think it's all in our head if results show normal. I also don't go back to see any doctor or consultant that makes me look like an idiot. Harder when it's a consultant though, easier when it's a Gp.

Cheby · 15/10/2017 13:59

Why is this so difficult to understand? The doctor performed a VE without consent. That is assault.

RebelRogue · 15/10/2017 14:02

@Cheby a lot of women seem to think that if you're on an examination table anything is fair game,especially if the problem gets fixed.

Elendon · 15/10/2017 14:02

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask why men would want to work in Gynae and Obs. Also breast oncology. Perhaps both specialities have better funding and therefore more long term prospects.

Having said that I couldn't ever distinguish between the kindness of the gynaes and obs I saw in terms of biological sex. But I prefer to speak to a female. I only saw a male nurse specialist in these areas once.

HateHomework · 15/10/2017 14:04

Oh OP I empathise. I had the same from a woman consultant who put her whole fist in me to feel my uterus. She didn't even warn me Confused

JohnHunter · 15/10/2017 14:09

I obviously don't know what happened during this consultation in 2014.

Doctors are however taught to watch a patient's face when palpating an area because that's how you see which bit "hurts". Asking the patient to tell you to say when it hurts often isn't rewarding as some people will say everything hurts and others will say that nothing hurt. Facial expressions are very objective.

FunkyBarnYardBroom · 15/10/2017 14:09

I understand somewhat how you feel

When i was 26 i saw many gynaes in different hospitals. I was told in one hospital that he wanted a second opinion. I was referred to another department i think it was described as General Medicine i cant quite remember. Attended a new appointment which i had expected to be a consultation.

I was asked in by the nurse. Asked to strip below the waist and lie on the bed

The doctor came in asked me to turn towards the wall (i didnt get a hello or an introduction) i thought this odd but complied. He then inserted an implement into my anus and blew up a balloon. Told me he saw no evidence of anything out of the ordinary and left again. The nurse told me i could get dressed and leave.

To this day this upsets me. Im 33 now. I hadnt expected any of this examination. To me was not on the right part of my body. I left that hospital in tears and i never went back.

I wish id said something then but now i believe its too late.

I hope you find peace x

stitchglitched · 15/10/2017 14:11

Some of these stories are awful Sad

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 15/10/2017 14:17

YANBU.

He should have explained what he was doing and he should have warned you he was going to examine you digitally.

theftbyfinding · 15/10/2017 14:21

OP that sounds horrendous and he didn't explain everything at every stage by the sounds of things. Slide 22 here shows how he was supposed to do it. www.slideshare.net/reinaramesh/the-gynaecological-examination-ppt

Agoddessonamountaintop · 15/10/2017 14:22

Why anyone would come on to a thread where a woman is detailling a distressing experience at the hands of a gynaecologist and belittle that woman and imply she is an hysteric/liar/fantasist is beyond me.
So much woman-hating here.

JemimaLovesHamble · 15/10/2017 14:24

Woman says she thinks she may have been assaulted by a doctor. Several responses - But you are probably wrong about it. And also why would it take you so long to think you might not be wrong about it?

...

DailyMaui · 15/10/2017 14:28

I get you OP. I once went to see a nephrologist at a big teaching hospital in London. He made me lie down on the bench and without warning stuck his fingers or thumb up my anus. It really hurt. He then told me to come back to the desk where he took my blood pressure and warned it was a bit high. Well, you just shoved your finger up my arse without warning... might that be the reason? I was burning with shame and embarrassment and to this day I have no idea what sticking his fingers up my bum had to do with my kidneys.

I wish I had complained. I was only 20.

MountainGoats · 15/10/2017 14:29

Do you not think he inserted a finger to see where abouts the pain occurred. I do not think you can go to a gynaecologist with symptoms of pain during sex and not expect there to be an internal examination. I have had more than my fair share of internal scans and they never tell me to expect pain, even though it will happen. A smile can be read as a smirk especially if you do not know the person.

However if you feel that he did something wrong, report it.

HateHomework · 15/10/2017 14:31

DailyMaui that's awful.....kidneys are nowhere near the rear endHmm
When I was same age we had to go through physical exams for uni (different country) where senior consultant felt my breasts for a good few mins! Again no idea why and being young and naive I didn't even ask Hmm

MNHQ
ToniMumsnet · 15/10/2017 14:34

Sorry to interrupt your thread, OP. We just wanted to remind everyone that we do not advocate victim blaming on Mumsnet. Here is a link to our We Believe You campaign – please do have a read.

We will remove victim-blaming posts, so please do report any of these that you see, and we will take a closer look.

You have had some great support and advice on here, OP, and we hope you can gain some strength from it.

Sally52014 · 15/10/2017 14:41

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Thymeout · 15/10/2017 14:45

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CockacidalManiac · 15/10/2017 14:46

OP you came on her seeking opinions, just because you don't like them doesn't mean everyone is wrong. You need to calm down, you seem hysterical.

Ah, that word. The word with the history of being used to shut down the views of women.

CockacidalManiac · 15/10/2017 14:46

For what it’s worth, OP; I believe you.