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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To complain about behaviour of gynaecologist

236 replies

TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:36

I know I'm not BU, but I guess I just want to talk this out.

High-profile gynae at private hospital in 2014. Referred to him for chronic pain during sex. Consultation was all fine, nurse present at examination. Without saying anything he pushed his fingers into my vagina, watching my face. When I winced he smirked in a very self-satisfied way. I've never had a Dr look for a pain response ANYWHERE without telling me "let me know if it hurts". And the look on his face - it's like he enjoyed hurting me.

It's bothered me ever since. In a way I don't want him to know that he got to me, and I certainly don't want a pointless apology from him. But I worry that he may be doing worse to other patients.

I did a web search of his name and can't find any complaints - just a few "patient reviews" that sound so OTT as to be fake. I'd feel better I think if I knew others had an issue. If it's the only complaint, it would be a waste of time and he'd get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me.

Vipers?

OP posts:
NinonDeLenclos · 15/10/2017 12:36

You can complain now if you like but I think the time for feedback has passed.

TurquoiseChevrotain · 15/10/2017 12:37

Are people deliberately not seeing the issue? If my child was going to the GP about stomach pains and they pressed on it and they made a "pained" face and they smiled, I would think it was highly bizarre. I don't see a how a "reassuring smile" even works in that situation.

name1change12 · 15/10/2017 12:38

Have you been on AIBU before?

I never presented anything as fact just my own (slightly prejudiced) opinion. In the same way I have no problem with you calling me out. I doubt I'm the only person who has questioned it & prefers female gynaecologists.

AgathaOHara · 15/10/2017 12:40

Whatever. You should still be ashamed of yourself.

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 12:40

Also sexual predators will not be attracted to the profession. Someone looking to sexually assault women isn't going to think, you know what, going to study your backside off for your A* at A-level, then getting through 5-6 years of medical school, then 2 year of gruelling foundation training, then a minimum of 7 years of specialty training to then see women of all ages, many with infections, STIs is the way forward... Honestly what a ridiculous thing to say.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 12:43

As usual, some posters are deliberately misinterpreting the point. Go on with your bad selves.

Of course I expected to be examined, @Athena.

I expect:

  • when examined for a Dr to say "Let me know if this hurts" or "I'm looking for X"

I do NOT expect:

  • when the patient exhibits a pain response for the Dr to smirk, not smile, SMIRK, like he enjoyed the reaction.

By the way, you fucking geniuses, his diagnosis was wrong.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 15/10/2017 12:43

Thing is if you were to pursue this I'm not sure you'd get an outcome to your satisfaction. A smirking look given 3 years ago isn't a lot to go on.

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 12:44

Preferring a female gynaecologist if you are paying for your treatment is totally fair. People may have unrelated trauma, religious reasons or mental health problems which may mean that they feel more comfortable being treated by either male or female doctors. Your feelings on this are of course valid and need to be respected. But don't conflate what you feel comfortable with, with the reality of the motivations people have to pursue a career.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 12:45

Sorry, @Agatha

@Somewhere, I didn't mean the profession of Doctoring would attract sexual predators, but the specialty of gynaecology might. Don't be dense.

OP posts:
name1change12 · 15/10/2017 12:45

Nope not ashamed & of course a deviant doesn't go to medical school to get access to abusers. To me it's more a power thing.

Anyone off for lunch now.

TurquoiseChevrotain · 15/10/2017 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JenTeale · 15/10/2017 12:47

I doubt I'm the only person who has questioned it & prefers female gynaecologists.

I feel like this. A few months ago I was treated for an object/gyn issue which involved seeing several consultants in three different hospitals, all men bar one. I don't have any cause to complain about the care I received but I have wondered if women are under represented in the specialism.

RavingRoo · 15/10/2017 12:47

To be honest most gaenocologists I’ve seen are like that male or female. I think being present during childbirth makes them think they don’t have to pre-warn women about what they’re doing.

brasty · 15/10/2017 12:48

OP I believe you. Some situations you have to be there to know exactly what the person's motives were.
However, sadly I think your complaint will just be dismissed. Can you leave a review to warn others? But make sure it is totally factual, otherwise he can sue you.

Flowers
ptumbi · 15/10/2017 12:48

Also sexual predators will not be attracted to the profession. Someone looking to sexually assault women isn't going to think, you know what, going to study your backside off for your A at A-level, then getting through 5-6 years of medical school, then 2 year of gruelling foundation training, then a minimum of 7 years of specialty training to then see women of all ages, many with infections, STIs is the way forward... Honestly what a ridiculous thing to say.* - I remember reading an article about Ozzy Osbourne; he was asked what his dream job would be (other than RockStar, obvs) and the twat answered 'Gynaecologist'. Yeah, like cos it's a sexy job, right? Angry

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 12:49

Thank you @Brasty.

OP posts:
name1change12 · 15/10/2017 12:49

I meant I was off for lunch, bloody phone.

Well I'm glad it's not just me Jen.

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 12:50

I am not being dense, I talked you through the training pathway of becoming a doctor in obstetrics and gynaecology.

And Turquoise; what you are saying sounds to me like the equivalent of saying 'I am not saying all postmen decide to be postmen because they want to steal mail and enjoy the unlimited opportunity of peering in people's houses, but...

It's nonsense and hugely offensive.

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2017 12:50

Can you leave a review to warn others? But make sure it is totally factual, otherwise he can sue you.

Surely he could sue anyway, given that there's no proof?

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 12:51

Exactly Ptumbi, the only people who could perceive it as a 'sexy' job are people who have no clue of the reality of the profession. It is ridiculous.

chirpyburbycheapsheep · 15/10/2017 12:51

OP you will find that people will want to deny or minimise your experience, or tell you that you 'misread' it. People don't want to believe (still) that those in positions of trust can do such things. And let's think about how easy it was for him to do this, how easy it was to make you feel the way you did with such a small insidious gesture that when you do talk about it, it can be so easily dismissed. That to me is where the real damage lies as this was about the abuse of power.

I have been assaulted by a consultant and I have also been treated by socially clumsy and rude consultants and it is a very different experience. The assault happened under the guise of examination so was confusing (I was under 18 at the time) and I didn't talk about it until over ten years later as I just pushed it down. I am very sorry this unpleasant experience happened to you and I am also sorry for some of the responses you have received. Flowers

As far as a complaint goes I am worried that it will be a traumatic experience. My experience of complaining regarding the NHS (not to do with the assault) is that they will generally close ranks and deny. I am worried that you will be unable to prove anything (just look at some of the responses here) and you are going to end up feeling worse. That's not to say you shouldn't complain, just to be aware of how the complaints system works and that it really is set up against the patient so you can be prepared for this. Perhaps you would do it as a cathartic process rather than hoping for some kind of apology. But whatever you decide I hope you have people who are supportive around you

brasty · 15/10/2017 12:52

I don't know worraliberty. I was thinking maybe a review that just said as part of the examination, he put his fingers inside her without giving any warning. That is factual, the rest is interpretation. Although I totally believe the OP.

Greenleaf54321 · 15/10/2017 12:56

By the way, you fucking geniuses, his diagnosis was wrong.

which is relevant because......?

brasty · 15/10/2017 12:57

Serial killer Harold Shipman got away with murdering over a 100 people, because people would not believe that a GP would do that.

Greenleaf54321 · 15/10/2017 12:58

how do you define smirk?

how old are you? teenagers lose the ability to interpret facial expressions, and any teacher of teens will know the amount of time wasted in the average week over "smirks" and "dirty looks" - completely unfounded allegations of people looking at people in the wrong way.

"Smirk" just means "a smile I don't like", whether you have rational reason for the dislike, or not.

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