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Original poster

To complain about behaviour of gynaecologist

236 replies

TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:36

I know I'm not BU, but I guess I just want to talk this out.

High-profile gynae at private hospital in 2014. Referred to him for chronic pain during sex. Consultation was all fine, nurse present at examination. Without saying anything he pushed his fingers into my vagina, watching my face. When I winced he smirked in a very self-satisfied way. I've never had a Dr look for a pain response ANYWHERE without telling me "let me know if it hurts". And the look on his face - it's like he enjoyed hurting me.

It's bothered me ever since. In a way I don't want him to know that he got to me, and I certainly don't want a pointless apology from him. But I worry that he may be doing worse to other patients.

I did a web search of his name and can't find any complaints - just a few "patient reviews" that sound so OTT as to be fake. I'd feel better I think if I knew others had an issue. If it's the only complaint, it would be a waste of time and he'd get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me.

Vipers?

OP posts:
ChardonnaysPrettySister · 15/10/2017 18:41

I understand that Sohurt, sorry, I probably worded my post badly.

I just think there is no place for being good or bad here.

Simply professional will do.

FunkyBarnYardBroom · 15/10/2017 18:57

I can without a doubt say that my rectal examination was not discussed with me beforehand. He just did it.

It was awful

Mittens1969 · 15/10/2017 18:58

I do know what you mean, OP. Abusers enjoy the power they have to hurt their victim. I remember how it added to my feeling of helplessness.

I think a lot of posters genuinely don’t understand because it’s not something they’ve expected.

Bombardier25966 · 15/10/2017 19:00

I am telling you that he smirked.

"If you smirk, you smile in an unpleasant way, often because you believe that you have gained an advantage over someone else or know something that they do not know."

Do you believe he smirked? Yes. That is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

Did he in fact smirk? We don't know, we don't know what his thoughts or intention were, and nor do you.

By your own definition, you can't say for a fact that he smirked. I think that's what people are getting at, you're confusing opinion with fact.

You should report let the hospital know that he handled the examination very poorly, and describe what happened. If you then go on to give your opinion of his facial expression you'll entirely devalue your report, it is not based in fact and suggests you are allowing emotion to get in the way of reality.

Whatever you say, you're not going to get more than "I'm sorry you felt ... We have no record of you raising concerns at the time and Mr X has no recollection of the appointment."

That's not to say that you shouldn't report it, just that you need to be realistic in what outcome you will achieve.

bastardkitty · 15/10/2017 19:04

I believe you @TenForward82

steff13 · 15/10/2017 19:07

My gynecologist is a man. He's the best doctor ever, and I'll be very sad when he retires. He's never laid a hand on me during an examination without telling me exactly what he was doing. I wouldn't like a doctor not telling me what he/she is doing.

quince2figs · 15/10/2017 19:20

I am a consultant gynaecologist, in the profession for many years.
OP, if the doctor concerned did not warn you he was going to do a bimanual examination (fingers in vagina and other hand on abdomen), or if he didn't at any point say "let me know if it is uncomfortable and I'll stop" or similar, he is not acting appropriately, and I would suggest a written complaint to the hospital this took place in.

It is absolutely standard practice for me to do this before bimanual or speculum exam - even if patients have not reported pain. I also ask all women if they have any concerns about this before I examine them, as it's very common. I have had some awful smears etc myself, so can empathise with the shock that someone who does this every day can be so bad at it!
Watching your face is actually good practice, so that he can link what he is doing with the exam with your response.

If he did do both of the above, but it is the facial expression or the fact that was pain was caused (not surprising as that's what you were there to investigate), then he needs some feedback on his bedside manner/communication skills. Even if he was not intentionally abusive, the fact that you felt like that, and still do 3 years later, is of concern.

Only you know, because we weren't there! I would be horrified if any of my patients were feeling like this, and would welcome feedback or a complaint - the point is that it's constructive, and can help adapt your practice for the better.

Unfortunately, degrees of empathy and communication do vary, and are not necessarily correlated with diagnostic or surgical skill. Whether you were seen privately or NHS is irrelevant - youshould not expect either worse governance, or better "manners" because you've paid.

A single complaint now will not affect his career if he has nothing to hide.

HTH

BulletFox · 15/10/2017 19:26

tenforward82 just get it on record so if he does it to anyone else it will build up a pattern. It doesn't need to be histrionic and I can forward details of an advocate if you need one.

Pumperthepumper · 15/10/2017 19:29

I absolutely believe you OP, and I think you should complain if you feel it necessary, and I'm sure I would.

Some of the responses on here have been fucking unbelievable. I'm absolutely pig sick of having to read 'well the worst experience of {x} I ever had was from a woman so woman do it too' - completely minimising and disregarding male violence.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 19:30

*Do you believe he smirked? Yes. That is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

Did he in fact smirk? We don't know, we don't know what his thoughts or intention were, and nor do you.*

A smirk is not a smile. It is a very particular facial expression. You've glossed over my point completely. If someone looks at you angrily, and you tell someone else, are you subjected to a grilling on whether or not their expression was actually angry, or maybe a bit wistful, or he was actually smiling?

This. Is. Bullshit.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 19:33

you smile in an unpleasant way

in an unpleasant way

unpleasant way

What is that, if not a specific facial expression?

OP posts:
Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 19:35

Incidentally, the worse smear I got was by a woman. She was rude and brusque and made me bleed (which I don't normally do). But I didn't feel she was getting off on causing me discomfort.

OP posts:
ConsiderIt · 15/10/2017 19:43

I believe you op. I had a painful LLETZ procedure where the gynae didn't let the anaesthetic work before cutting one side. I groaned in pain, and he quipped: "oh? Enjoying it, are we?". I could have kicked him in the head. But I was shaking in pain and shock that the anaesthetic hadn't worked . By the time he cut the other side, the pain relief was working but I was still shaking uncontrollably. His nursing assistant rebuked him sharply saying "no, she's in pain, Dr XXX". He then acted wounded, complaining that nobody bee complained about being in pain with him before. I asked to switch consultants after and they didn't seem surprised at my request.

So I know these things do happen.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 19:45

Thank you to all posters who have posted with the aim of being helpful. I appreciate it (and I'm sorry for all your shit experiences) Flowers

OP posts:
Jayfee · 15/10/2017 19:50

Op I think that some of us are more instinctive about people than others. I would follow your instict and write to the hospital. If other people also contact the hospital they will begin to see a pattern. If not, your mind will be at rest that you have done what felt right to you. I hope you are pain free during intercourse. I had that same problem but the ( gentle ) gynae doctor couldn't find the cause.

Orangeplastic · 15/10/2017 19:55

Quince2figs Whether you were seen privately or NHS is irrelevant - youshould not expect either worse governance, or better "manners" because you've paid.
I had worse experience at a private hospital, I had a chest investigation - so was topless while people walked in and out of the room without knocking or introducing themselves, I had no curtain, no element of privacy, I complained officially in writing and got told I was being ridiculous - then I told my referring consultant who was appalled and said they they had breached the NHS code of practice - he said he'd refuse to refer patients until they changed their procedure to at least meet NHS standards.

quince2figs · 15/10/2017 19:56

OP, as I said above, the fact that you feel traumatised by this now, and feel that his attitude was inappropriate, means that he was wrong to act as he did, whatever his reason.

Don't let anyone minimise this. I know all too well that some gynaecologists (male and female) are brusque/insensitive/communicate poorly, or much worse - hurt, ridicule or a disgusted by women.

We believe you.

quince2figs · 15/10/2017 20:02

Orange - that is appalling. I'm sorry for your experience.
None of this is good enough. I didn't have a personality transplant when I went to medical school, so I aim to treat everyone as I, or my family, would hope to be treated. It seems I am becoming a relic!

OP, do complain, and do seek further help if this still affecting you in other aspects of your life. PM me if you would like.

Pagwatch · 15/10/2017 20:10

Quince2figs
Your comments are really interesting. I am glad you have contributed albeit from the selfish perspective that it vindicates my view that a professional would not behave like this.

quince2figs · 15/10/2017 20:29

Thanks Pag. More depressing than interesting - and it feels dangerous to voice. There are, of course, unpleasant and abusive people in medicine, as in all other walks of life. If this doesn't affect their job, no problem. Sadly it often does.

Pagwatch · 15/10/2017 21:02

Talking about this in a rational and non defensive way is invaluable Quince

Orangeplastic · 15/10/2017 21:28

Quince, thank you for your kind words - I was even encouraged by the staff of Spire to make the official complaint because the budget wouldn't stretch to a curtain, despite them asking for one repeatedly, for the very reason that I complained - they mistakingly believed that if a patient complained the budget might be extended to include a curtain! Don't be fooled - private is not the best, Spire's shareholders must be prioritised.

C8H10N4O2 · 15/10/2017 22:10

OP, I am sorry you had this experience, it was not good medical practice. I've had a lot of these exams and I've never had an unaccompanied examination, irrespective of the sex of the doctor.

They are never fun but the only one I remember as 'bad' was a junior doctor who didn't make the final check with me before the painful bit. She was utterly mortified and very apologetic because she correctly surmised she had got it wrong.

The idea that someone would do this deliberately would have been utterly awful. I don't know if you will get anywhere with a complaint but you should not be deterred from making one by people undermining you. Flowers

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 22:14

It was accompanied. But thank you.

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 16/10/2017 09:24

I was in a emotional/sexually abusive marriage with a man who became sexually aroused by causing me physical pain - how you described the look upon his face made me shudder.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Maybe by lodging a complaint, even if other patients haven't - might pave the way for action when another does complain. There could be other complaints already? You do what's right for you. Flowers