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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain about behaviour of gynaecologist

236 replies

TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 11:36

I know I'm not BU, but I guess I just want to talk this out.

High-profile gynae at private hospital in 2014. Referred to him for chronic pain during sex. Consultation was all fine, nurse present at examination. Without saying anything he pushed his fingers into my vagina, watching my face. When I winced he smirked in a very self-satisfied way. I've never had a Dr look for a pain response ANYWHERE without telling me "let me know if it hurts". And the look on his face - it's like he enjoyed hurting me.

It's bothered me ever since. In a way I don't want him to know that he got to me, and I certainly don't want a pointless apology from him. But I worry that he may be doing worse to other patients.

I did a web search of his name and can't find any complaints - just a few "patient reviews" that sound so OTT as to be fake. I'd feel better I think if I knew others had an issue. If it's the only complaint, it would be a waste of time and he'd get the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me.

Vipers?

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/10/2017 13:12

@Elendon the OP says it was 3 years ago.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 13:12

I don't think!

No, it's quite clear that you don't.

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 15/10/2017 13:12

What a bunch of arseholes on this thread. Sorry for your experience OP.

Elendon · 15/10/2017 13:13

To add, I've had many internals and scans and bloods taken. All were done with the utmost integrity to my body.

The consultant I saw was post first baby and I was told I was irresponsible for having a child with a borderline malignant tumour. It was totally out of line as the nurse I complained to said to me.

sayyouwill · 15/10/2017 13:13

@TenForward82 I am very much a female.

Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 13:14

Not to drip-feed, but he seemed very cocky from the word go. Not that I held it against him, it made me like him. But taken with the examination I felt an air of "too clever to be caught out".

OP posts:
Original poster
TenForward82 · 15/10/2017 13:14

@sayyouwill Diagnosis: internalised misogyny. Sorry to say it's terminal Sad

OP posts:
Elendon · 15/10/2017 13:14

It doesn't matter if it was three years ago. I would definitely contact the hospital and lodge the concerns.

Somewherethatsgreen · 15/10/2017 13:16

TenForward82, are you serious? I commented that the OP would be fully justified in making a complaint about not being forwarded prior to an intimate examination.

It is only the ridiculous implication that many people are attracted to a profession as they are looking to assault people. It is incredibly offensive and not factually correct. And much worse may have the effect of undermining trust in doctors, making the experience of needing examinations and treatment (especially for women with a history of sexual abuse who may be more fearful of this to begin with) even worse. I was merely going along with the hyperboles that have been thrown around on the thread.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/10/2017 13:16

Your PA attacks are doing you no favours.

VioletCharlotte · 15/10/2017 13:16

I believe you OP x

I experienced something similar (although not as extreme as this) from a GP several years ago, I was only 19. Like you, and so many women who are victims of sexual assault, I brushed it aside too. Thats the reason so many of these men get away with this for years and years. Women are too afraid to speak up as they don't think they'll be believed. As often they're not - just look at some of the comments on this thread.

user1490465531 · 15/10/2017 13:17

I feel uncomfortable with intimate examinations being performed by a man.
Sorry but it's not shameful or sexist to request a female only when undertaking this sort of examination which is a very traumatic experience for some women.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/10/2017 13:18

maybe he was happy because he had found the problem? That's what I was going to suggest.

I agree about female gynaecologists ,I'd much rather see a male as ime they've been more sympathetic and more aware of the need for dignity.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/10/2017 13:18

Well Sorry but it's not shameful or sexist to request a female only when undertaking this sort of examination which is a very traumatic experience for some women.

Well as others and I have said. Don't assume female examinations are better.

stitchglitched · 15/10/2017 13:18

Your PA attacks are doing you no favours

So OP has to be meek and take your horrible goading in order for her account of a traumatic experience to be believed?

Elendon · 15/10/2017 13:18

I think it would help to train all doctors to understand the vast power imbalance and feeling of vulnerability those visiting them have

This. It doesn't take a lot of resources to do it. Just some thought, empathy and understanding.

chirpyburbycheapsheep · 15/10/2017 13:19

Greenleaf54321 the OP's response is making perfect sense to me and seemingly to others who have had similar things happen. In fact her response is pretty textbook for someone who has experienced what she is describing - a confusing, subtle abuse of power designed to make her feel bad and doubt herself as it is so hard to put into words.

I would say that those who can't make sense of it, simply haven't had this experience. The accusations of being not 'well-balanced' and 'objective' is the traditional route to discredit victims of these kinds of assaults because these kinds of assaults are designed to make the victims look like this due to the power imbalance making it so easy for subtle abuses to be carried out. In fact the OP's response makes me more inclined to believe something was amiss.

user1490465531 · 15/10/2017 13:19

And sorry for all the twatish responses your receiving on this thread op.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/10/2017 13:20

So OP has to be meek and take your horrible goading in order for her account of a traumatic experience to be believed?

No. I wasn't goading and nor was the other person they accused of doing so.

JoanneCoften · 15/10/2017 13:21

It is only the ridiculous implication that many people are attracted to a profession as they are looking to assault people

Actually it's quite well know that predators will often seek out roles which put them in a position to have easy access to their prey.
Of course this isn't the same as suggesting that all gynaecologists, paediatricians, scout masters, teachers etc etc are predators, but there is a recognisable pattern. It's a little naïve to write it off as a ridiculous implication.

Elendon · 15/10/2017 13:21

I'd much rather see a female gynae.

I am aghast at the attacks on the OP. I'm hoping you do not work in health care, you insensitive bunch.

bastardkitty · 15/10/2017 13:21

I am sorry OP that so many people appear to have posted such cunty posts on your thread. Mumsnet is awash with goady fuckers. It is absolutely bog standard with any gynae procedure for the clinician to tell you what that are going to do and to warn you about pain or discomfort you might feel. In your shoes, I would raise it, in a similar way to how you have here. I wouldn't raise it as a full formal complaint, but I would name the clinician and the incident and say several years later you are still left feeling uncomfortable about the whole experience. You could do this anonymously by letter if you wished. I would say I wanted this on record in case of any further complaints. If it was a one-off or an off day for him, there won't be any others.

Greenleaf54321 · 15/10/2017 13:22

the OP's response is making perfect sense to me

the OP has not said anything at all, beyond the fact that she disliked the man's smile but is unable to say why.

I don't know how many examinations he would have done since, but the possibility of him remembering yours is absolute zero.

bastardkitty · 15/10/2017 13:23

the OP has not said anything at all, beyond the fact that she disliked the man's smile but is unable to say why. < nonsense!

stitchglitched · 15/10/2017 13:23

You absolutely were goading with your 'so come on then OP' comment. Not unusual for you though.