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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider letting ds have day off?

315 replies

singadream · 12/10/2017 23:46

He started reception in sept. He likes school. Is difficult at drop off but walks there happily (is just saying goodbye that he struggles with) and has a good time. Keeps getting stickers for good behaviour. Has made friends etc. Hasn't sought out his big sister in year 2 much at lunch even though they are very close.

But when I put him to bed tonight he said what he most wants in the world is one day at home with me just the two of us instead of school. He said any time fine as in not saying he doesn't want to go tomorrow.

He baby brother starts nursery next week so it would be possible (until now it wouldn't just be the two of us it would be the toddler too).

Aibu to consider giving him just such a day - me, home, playing, cuddles, tv- for a day between half term and Christmas and pretend to school he is sick. TBH I may have to pretend to his sister and dh that he is sick too so that she doesn't want same and because dh will not approve. It's kind of like a mental health duvet day equivalent though isn't it?

OP posts:
TheQueenOfWands · 12/10/2017 23:51

I've done it with DS.

Go for it!

Sleeplessinguiltyness · 12/10/2017 23:54

Sorry but no, as someone with ongoing MH issues, the fact he would like a day with you, doesn't in any way sound like when I can't make it to work... I don't have a day off "Just because I'd like a day at home"

I'm quite offended by the way you lightheartedly use the term "mental health duvet day" although realise I may currently be oversensitive as I am really struggling at the moment, and would love to stay tucked under a duvet hiding from the world instead of literally dragging myself into work

FluttershysCutieMark · 12/10/2017 23:59

Sorry but I think YABU. I'd love to do that with either of my dd but during school term they belong in school, they can't just decide they want a day at home whenever.

You say you would have to lie to the school, how long before ds spills the beans and you look foolish?!

My opinion and I'm sure some will say it's fine and have a nice duvet day but I think it's unreasonable.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/10/2017 00:01

Agree with sleep. Having everything we want is not essential for good mental health. Do it if you want to, but don’t try to justify sheer indulgence as a mental health requirement.

Bambamber · 13/10/2017 00:02

Could your husband not take your other kids out for the day one weekend so you two can have the day together?

ilovesooty · 13/10/2017 00:02

If he does it once surely he'll want to do it again? I think the most unreasonable aspect is feigning illness to everyone else at home including his father.

Lily2007 · 13/10/2017 00:03

I wouldn't do this when he's perfectly well, I would wait until he at least has a cold though that will probably happen pre Christmas anyway.

I would tell him you will have a cuddle day at the weekend or half term and have one.

junglebookisthebest · 13/10/2017 00:06

Why can't your DH have a weekend day with your Dd while you have one with your son? Could then reverse a few weeks later and you have a day with Dd and he has a day with Ds?

Original poster
singadream · 13/10/2017 00:07

Sorry @sleeplessinguiltyness didn't mean to be offensive. In my old work we were allowed two days a year to take randomly if they didn't clash with meetings and deadlines etc and we used the terms mental health day and duvet day interchangeably for them.

OP posts:
WhistlerGrey · 13/10/2017 00:10

You should absolutely do this - I have done it with my children. Lovely, lovely days.

Middleoftheroad · 13/10/2017 00:13

I could never have done it. They only ever missed school when genuinely ill.

But now that secondary's here if I could go back and spend a day at the park or library again I'd do it.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/10/2017 00:15

Why can’t people have lovely, lovely days on non school days? There are enough of them.

mrsplum2015 · 13/10/2017 00:15

We call them a mental health day to denote the preventative impact on mental health problems.

Agree that the lying is not great but the principle of the day off is OK.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/10/2017 00:16

I don’t think there is anything wrong with doing that. I would think he would get a huge amount out of it. I would just say that the “sickness” excuse is problematic. I don’t think you should ask him to lie to his teachers (or his dad or sister).

Beeziekn33ze · 13/10/2017 00:19

Lying to DH and DD by pretending DS is ill is a bad idea. It is sure to come out in the end and repercussion could be endless. I'm sure something can be arranged at a weekend or during half term with lying to your family.

Beeziekn33ze · 13/10/2017 00:20

Without lying to your family

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/10/2017 00:21

He’s 5, mrsplum. Having a day off school just because he wants one is not necessary to allay possible future mental health problems.
Ridiculous justification.

oldlaundbooth · 13/10/2017 00:23

Do it op, please.

You'll love it.

LellyMcKelly · 13/10/2017 00:23

No, you're giving him expectations that this will happen again, and sets a bad precedent that school can be bunked off on a whim. He will catch a cold or a bug soon enough, and then there is time for duvet days.

Fanciedachange17 · 13/10/2017 00:25

I'd take him out of school for the day. They are small children for such a short time and I think the benefit for him and you far outways anything he will learn/ miss in reception class. I think British children go to nursery and school far too early and lose precious time and to an extent their individuality. To absolve the (unnecessary) guilt perhaps do something "educational". Maybe a trip to a Natural World museum or something like Intech, or maybe just going to the Library or doing something creative. Enjoy it.

EllenRipley · 13/10/2017 00:25

Do it. And call it what you want because while you can’t equate a child wanting a comforting day with his mum with mental health issues that cause daily struggles and a real physical requirement for time off work or whatever, it’s all relative - and it doesn’t diminish what a child might need. School hours are designed to prep kids to be working adults, sometimes I think it’s hard going for wee ones. My DS7 struggles with it sometimes but I’ve never (yet) done this - if he ever genuinely wanted or needed a one-off day at home, I’d do it without a second thought! They’re kids and school isn’t the be all and end all. Don’t over think it, be clear it’s a one-off and if it leads to more requests, just say no.

Mittens1969 · 13/10/2017 00:27

My DD2 would very likely like that idea. But I’d do it when she did actually have a cold so I wouldn’t lie when saying she wasn’t well. It’s a silly lie and will get found out by DH very quickly. My DDs would never be able to keep it a secret.

bosher · 13/10/2017 00:28

My DS started school this year and he gets very tired about halfway through every term (we don’t have half term holidays here). His teacher advised that a duvet day is not a bad idea for the reception age children as it is quite a jump from Kindy to a school day. I’ve taken mine out of school on the odd day and found it to be beneficial to them. They’ve enjoyed the break and it hasn’t set them back. I wouldn’t do it on a day where there’s a test or a presentation just as I wouldn’t take annual leave from work if there was a meeting.

However, we’re not in the UK and whilst school attendance is seen as important, there seems to be a lot more flexible, common sense approach to attendance here.

lalliella · 13/10/2017 00:29

No. It's lying. Do you want to give your DS the message that lying is ok? It's not.

SilverySurfer · 13/10/2017 00:31

It's called the weekend Hmm