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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider letting ds have day off?

315 replies

singadream · 12/10/2017 23:46

He started reception in sept. He likes school. Is difficult at drop off but walks there happily (is just saying goodbye that he struggles with) and has a good time. Keeps getting stickers for good behaviour. Has made friends etc. Hasn't sought out his big sister in year 2 much at lunch even though they are very close.

But when I put him to bed tonight he said what he most wants in the world is one day at home with me just the two of us instead of school. He said any time fine as in not saying he doesn't want to go tomorrow.

He baby brother starts nursery next week so it would be possible (until now it wouldn't just be the two of us it would be the toddler too).

Aibu to consider giving him just such a day - me, home, playing, cuddles, tv- for a day between half term and Christmas and pretend to school he is sick. TBH I may have to pretend to his sister and dh that he is sick too so that she doesn't want same and because dh will not approve. It's kind of like a mental health duvet day equivalent though isn't it?

OP posts:
Eolian · 18/10/2017 16:43

Why would a day at home with mummy be any nicer on a weekday than a weekend (unless it's actually an excuse to not be at school, rather than to spend special time with mummy)? Or during the holidays? You get a weekend every week, and holidays very often.

fizzthecat1 · 18/10/2017 16:48

OP there are a lot of bitter people on this thread who are jealous they can't do the same Grin . Just go for it. In other Western countries kids don't start school till they're six anyway so a DAY out of school won't do him any harm.

fizzthecat1 · 18/10/2017 16:50

OP make sure he knows it's "just this once" and won't be a regular thing though.

MaggieS41 · 18/10/2017 16:52

Soup dragon, no they don’t. They might lose their place if it’s an ongoing concern perhaps but they can’t be fined for it no matter what the school rules say.

MaisyPops · 18/10/2017 18:09

OP there are a lot of bitter people on this thread who are jealous they can't do the same
Obviously.
People who object to:
Lying to school
Lying to partner and children
Getting a child to lie to their teacher
Getting a child to lie to their dad and siblings and friends
Telling a child they can have a treat and time off school but it's our little secret abd you can't tell anyone because we'll get in trouble or they'll be annoyed

Must be so unbelievably jealous. We really want to instil dishonesty into our children but just aren't brilliant enough to pull it off.

Seriously, even as a teacher I would say a day off in reception isn't the end of the world educationally but then that's not the reason I object to the stupid plan in the first place.

Witchend · 18/10/2017 18:38

fizzthecat yep, it'll be "just this once" until he starts saying how lovely it was and can he do it again. Or perhaps until a couple of weeks after half term when he says he hasn't done it for ages.

PandorasXbox · 18/10/2017 19:01

The old jealous chestnut eh fizzcat!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 18/10/2017 19:03

YY MaisyPops I find an alarming number of MNers are just fine with lying and it’s annoying how much it’s encouraged

MaggieS41 · 18/10/2017 19:44

I don’t agree with the lying bit and it’s sad that a Mum has to feel she has to go through these lengths just to let her son have a day off. Hopefully she’s wisened up to that not being not a good idea and just be honest and let her son take the day off.

I wonder how many of you have experienced your DS or DD taking a day off in reception in this manner, then expecting it all the time then becoming epitome of the entitled generation? 🤔

MaisyPops · 18/10/2017 21:16

cherry
I'm optimistically working on the principle that this may be like the 'pissed off at teacher' threads which is most people hold the logical position (in this case think the lying is not ok) but don't really comment too much because the inevitable swarm of 'mean people ruining childhoods' isn't worth it.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 18/10/2017 21:23

YY maisy I also wonder if these are the kind of people who moan that their child didn’t get an award for 100% attendance

MaisyPops · 18/10/2017 22:01

Probably. cherry

Daft thing is I don't think a day off will ruin them educationally. I just question the approach of 'we want to have a snuggles day so let's lie to school, daddy and siblings'.

MaggieS41 · 18/10/2017 22:18

I think anyone that would moan that their child did not get an award for 100% attendance is a little silly - just like the people that came up with the idea in the first place Grin

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 18/10/2017 22:22

Well perhaps if people didn’t think the ‘odd day off’ was acceptable then they wouldn’t have to have incentives for sending them in? Just a thought.

MaggieS41 · 18/10/2017 22:54

If it’s not affecting your education then why would it matter? Kids that have legitimate illnesses don’t have that taken into account when it comes to attendance for example. You can be illness free and take as much time off (holidays etc - which personally is not an issue) as a child that has been off due to illness - yet they’re treated the same. That’s why it’s bullshit. Life isn’t black and white.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 18/10/2017 23:11

Being unable to go in because you’re unwell is not the same as having a day off ‘just because’. You don’t need to be off so I just don’t know why anyone would do this. Oh well, their beds to lie in

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2017 23:15

Being unable to go in because you’re unwell is not the same as having a day off ‘just because’. You don’t need to be off so I just don’t know why anyone would do this.

I don't understand either, but I do know that plenty of people think the rules about school attendance don't apply to them. You only have to read this thread, where people are quoting school attendance rules in other countries to get a flavour of how ridiculous it can be.

MaggieS41 · 18/10/2017 23:35

No it’s not the same - that wasn’t the poin 🙄 But it’s the same when you’re being rewarded for attendance isn’t it??!!

I know, using the argument about overseas attendance and age start times is ridiculous. I mean they only perform better apparently. Or maybe their targets are so much lower than the UK and that’s why....Hmm Anyway, we digress...

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2017 23:41

It wouldn't be ridiculous if the thread was a debate about the pros and cons of different school starting ages.

But saying that children in some countries start school later than in the UK therefore it's ok to have a duvet day makes no sense whatsoever.

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/10/2017 00:29

Yanbu , if it's good enough for Ferris Bueller.

brapbrapbrap · 19/10/2017 00:53

Is he 4 or 5 years old? Because if he's still 4, he hasn't reached CSA and you can legally not send him in. You don't have to give an excuse, you don't have to lie. You just notify the school that he isn't coming in. There's a special code for children under CSA which means it won't go down as an absence on the register. So won't affect the school's attendance figures and won't affect your child's attendance.

Evelynismyspyname · 19/10/2017 06:41

Maggie when people say that countries with school starting ages of 6-7 perform better they are referring to PISA testing, which is international. The same tests (translated) are given to students all over the world.

By age 15 the UK is outranked by loads of countries where children start school at 6 or 7 in maths, literacy and science (especially maths and literacy, where it's outranked by even countries which weren't necessarily regarded as "first world" until recently). It's outranked by countries with early starting ages too and there are clearly far more factors at play (Singapore recruits teachers from the top 5% of graduates only and it's a very high prestige career in Singapore, could that be why Singapore is always near the top? Other countries like China exclude swathes of the population from education, arguably twisting their results upwards).

There is a lot of evidence that there is no actual point in starting formal education before age 7 except in the cases of children from very deprived (in the widest sense, not just financially but in terms of not having families who talk to them, read to them, tell them stories, feed them properly, teach them the basic social rules and norms for using toilets and cutlery and keeping clean and interacting with other people etc) children.

Early education before age 6 is really just a massive safety net to catch the kids who are so deprived at home that they start school way behind the average for their peers despite no special needs. It's of course great that an effort is made towards the rudiments of equality, but most kids would do about the same (there is some argument they'd do better in literacy as too much pressure early puts many children off reading for pleasure) if they started school two years later.

Evelynismyspyname · 19/10/2017 06:49

Sorry Maggie I've just reread and realised that you probably knew that and were being sarcastic about lower targets! Sorry about the (wo)man-splaining! Blush

MaggieS41 · 19/10/2017 07:52

That’s cool Evelyn! But you did give information that I’m sure many MNers weren’t aware of (whether they choose to ignore is well, their choice...) Wink

Talith · 19/10/2017 08:34

I'd do it and not give a reason to the school unless pushed and if so say he had an appointment. Which he has. With you. I'd actually do it for either of mine at almost any age, as a one-off or once in a blue moon if I thought they needed a bit of space to "recalibrate."