Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider letting ds have day off?

315 replies

singadream · 12/10/2017 23:46

He started reception in sept. He likes school. Is difficult at drop off but walks there happily (is just saying goodbye that he struggles with) and has a good time. Keeps getting stickers for good behaviour. Has made friends etc. Hasn't sought out his big sister in year 2 much at lunch even though they are very close.

But when I put him to bed tonight he said what he most wants in the world is one day at home with me just the two of us instead of school. He said any time fine as in not saying he doesn't want to go tomorrow.

He baby brother starts nursery next week so it would be possible (until now it wouldn't just be the two of us it would be the toddler too).

Aibu to consider giving him just such a day - me, home, playing, cuddles, tv- for a day between half term and Christmas and pretend to school he is sick. TBH I may have to pretend to his sister and dh that he is sick too so that she doesn't want same and because dh will not approve. It's kind of like a mental health duvet day equivalent though isn't it?

OP posts:
Witsender · 13/10/2017 08:47

I would, and have, happily. They're very small to be out and away from us all day every day

Athrawes · 13/10/2017 08:53

Do it. My son's school are fine with this; I tell him that we are having a day exploring the beach, or going to see the dinosaurs at the museum and they say great and have a nice time. They realise that not all learning happens in school. So long as you aren't regularly not sending him to school just because you can't be arsed, they should be good with it. And he is 5.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/10/2017 08:54

There’s no way a 4/5 yo will let you get away with lying to your dd and dh for starters

demirose87 · 13/10/2017 08:54

I wouldn't keep him off. He would miss out on a day at school that he might have really enjoyed and his learning. Also you should be aiming for him to have good attendance and save his days off for when he's actually sick. He's likely to want it to happen again and again too.

SoupDragon · 13/10/2017 08:59

we do things at the weekend, it’s not very restful.

Then you're doing something wrong and any tiredness in your children is your own fault.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/10/2017 09:09

Seeing as this frankly bizarre enterprise hinges on you asking your DS to lie to his own dad about having been in school, I should say you are nuts for even contemplating this idea.

He has no problems at school. Fix a Saturday or Sunday where it's just you two. Don't ask your DS to lie and don't give him ideas that truancy is a good thing. It could easily become an expectation of your DS that this happens regularly. If you agree to it once why not again? And again?

Sorry, I think this is one of the weirder scenarios on MN.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 13/10/2017 09:11

I think British children start school far too early. I think that, while especially in Reception it's officially supposed to be about learning through play, the fact that it's 'school' and targets make the system in general get carried away and expect too much too soon from very, very young children. I think a day off here and there is absolutely not going to do any damage to his education.

But I also think this has the potential to be an extremely tricky slippery slope. He has it once, he'll want it again. It's never good to do something like this on the basis of an untruth, especially when a child has to help carry that untruth. I can't help thinking this is incredibly unfair on his sister; she'll suss it out and either feel very hurt and put out or start acting up in order to get the same.

Just be a bit more liberal about a day off with a cold etc than you otherwise might have been. And plan the odd weekend where nobody does very much.

caringdenise009 · 13/10/2017 09:22

I really can't believe all this fuss about a small child missing a few hours of playing in the sand/dressing up/home corner. I did it quite a lot, only up to year 7. Child grew up, is at a very good uni and far away (Sad) studying for a year. Have some faith in your own judgement OP.

897654321abcvrufhfgg · 13/10/2017 09:25

Do it. He is only little and depending on birth date doesn't legally need to be in school till January at the earliest.

Evelynismyspyname · 13/10/2017 09:37

Is he only 4? Its such a ridiculously young age to be at compulsory full day school...

Mine were all at Kindergarten until they were nearly 6, and that is non compulsory. They went 95% of the time but I kept them off if it was a nice day and I wanted to take them to the outdoor pool while it was still empty before school kicked out! Once school starts it is compulsory (the fines are far higher and the enforcement - including social disapproval - vastly stricter than in England, children just don't ever miss school unless ill) and the difference is very easy for children to understand.

The plan to tell a 4 year old to lie to his dad and sister won't work. the plan to tell him to lie to school won't work. The fact he is at school means it isn't clear cut that its OK for him to miss random days but not his sister. This all makes it far more complicated.

I think you have to do one to one days at the weekend or half term (get your DH to take the other two for a day out) and do it for every child in turn.

Its utterly ridiculous that a tiny 4 year old has to go to school every day IMO, but the fact giving him a duvet day hinges on lots of lying including to the nuclear family means it will be more damaging than nurturing to go ahead with your plan.

HateHomework · 13/10/2017 09:37

I wouldn't do it - there is something about lying and DS knowing about it that puts me off. I don't mind the day off but the fact that mummy lied and he knows is just bad parenting for me, sorry

I second other PPs who mentioned rearrange childcare on weekend or when school closed

HateHomework · 13/10/2017 09:39

Evelyn you nailed it, 100% spot on

Nanny0gg · 13/10/2017 09:43

Is he 5 yet? If not, then he doesn't have to be there.

Do what suits you. Just don't use illness as an excuse to the school.

His education won't come to a grinding halt.

Birdshitbridgegotme · 13/10/2017 09:46

I would do it. Maybe on a fri. He's only in reception. Thwy grow up so quick and hes actually expressed he wants to do it but makw sure u tell him it's a one off. I wouldn't lie to your husband either

MyDcAreMarvel · 13/10/2017 09:52

More of the “don’t have to legally be in school till they’re five” bollocks...
You do not have to register your child for school until they’re five, but should you choose to do so you’re subject to the same rules as the other members of the class.
You can’t cherry pick the days that suit you until the child turns five.

Completely untrue, there is even a separate register for non compulsory age children.

FluttershysCutieMark · 13/10/2017 09:58

but makw sure u tell him it's a one off.

Yes because 5 year olds are well known for their understanding of being reasonable and accepting of one offs. He definitely won't say 'but you let me do it before'.

Kentnurse2015 · 13/10/2017 10:02

Goodness no! Why would you encourage it? There are plenty of days in the year when he isn't in school Hmm

897654321abcvrufhfgg · 13/10/2017 10:03

Yes there is a separate register because a completely different code is used for these children when they r absent. This code doesn't affect schoool absence rates. Schools acknowledge that the kids don't have to b there and r happy to have drawn out "settling in" part time periods when it suits them! If this country didn't start children at school so bloody early when they r barely out of nappies then threads like this wouldn't exist.

Introvertedbuthappy · 13/10/2017 10:18

I find it really sad that you don't want your DD to find out in case "she would want one too". Favouritism is toxic - why is your eldest son more deserving of a 'day with Mummy' than your eldest daughter? I am also appalled that you would encourage your DS1 to lie to his father too.

Just do as others have suggested and make time during the numerous weekends and holidays to spend time with each child and then rotate (providing the same for your DH). One to one time is so important for all children - not just your favourite.

GabsAlot · 13/10/2017 10:22

so what happnd when he asks to do it again in say nov then dec? ar u going to say yes everytime

giving him bad principles

Slartybartfast · 13/10/2017 10:27

i dont think its the school day the op dc is complaining, more lack of one to one time with the op, his mum. which is understandable.
just make time for more attention, that is all.
imo

HeartburnCentral · 13/10/2017 10:43

If you have to lie to your DH as well as the teacher, you know you're doing something wrong. I wouldn't be encouraging your DS to take days off school and lie so freely. Children learn by example and usually copy behaviours they see their parents doing.

Slartybartfast · 13/10/2017 10:51

i never forget i wanted a day off school as a child, with my dm, i must have been 5 or 6, i think i was at a new school, and it was a really boring day, my dm just doing the washing. and when i went back to school after one day my classmates were asking me what was wrong, I had no idea what to say, so I said I had the Measles Grin

2014newme · 13/10/2017 10:57

Do it on the week or at half term

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/10/2017 11:09

Isn't there a half term coming up in a week or so? Hmm