To consider letting ds have day off?

[singadream]

He started reception in sept. He likes school. Is difficult at drop off but walks there happily (is just saying goodbye that he struggles with) and has a good time. Keeps getting stickers for good behaviour. Has made friends etc. Hasn't sought out his big sister in year 2 much at lunch even though they are very close.

But when I put him to bed tonight he said what he most wants in the world is one day at home with me just the two of us instead of school. He said any time fine as in not saying he doesn't want to go tomorrow.

He baby brother starts nursery next week so it would be possible (until now it wouldn't just be the two of us it would be the toddler too).

Aibu to consider giving him just such a day - me, home, playing, cuddles, tv- for a day between half term and Christmas and pretend to school he is sick. TBH I may have to pretend to his sister and dh that he is sick too so that she doesn't want same and because dh will not approve. It's kind of like a mental health duvet day equivalent though isn't it?

I wouldn't lie to my spouse about it. I wouldn't encourage my child to lie to their other parent.

I can see the thinking behind a 1 day break that is just quiet with just mom, and it really is different on a weekday than a weekend, especially if his attendance is otherwise good.

But only if both parents are on board.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar because schools make out (or at least my kids' school makes out) that every minute counts. That's literally what they say.

Then (due to staffing issues) we find out that some kids spent time going into other classes (with much younger children) or some times doing things like clearing ou a cupboard. I don't actually mind my kids cleaning out a cupboard or going into a younger child's class to sit in and listen or whatever. Because I don't believe every minute at school counts.

So, what I am saying is when the school wants to make parents feel the kids should be in school, it's all 'every minute counts', then, when it suits the school it's oh they have three weeks off for Christmas or whatever.

So for the OP's little lad, he is very young and a day off school will not do any harm at all.

" it's delivering people into the work place who have no clue about work ethic etc." Yeah that's so much what i worry about when parenting my kids, will they be good workers! Your poor kid! I hope he has not been really ill and been forced into school. I am fairly sure that one will backfire on you.

I hated school and pretended to be ill to get time off, I bunked off and smoked cigarettes in a field with my mate! Guess what, I have a really good work ethic, my supervisor is worried I work too much!

More of the “don’t have to legally be in school till they’re five” bollocks...
You do not have to register your child for school until they’re five, but should you choose to do so you’re subject to the same rules as the other members of the class.
You can’t cherry pick the days that suit you until the child turns five.

Surely school not actually being in session is a whole different ball game to individual children taking different days off when the rest are in school? That’s when you miss stuff, not when the entire school is closed and no lessons are actually being taught.
And your harping on about children missing lessons because they’re cleaning out cupboards is odd, to say the least.
I don’t think any of my kids cleaned out cupboards at school. Not once in their entire school careers did they miss out in a lesson because they were forced to clean out a cupboard instead.
Are they the unusual ones?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar why would it matter if he missed a day of dressing up and colouring in?

" That’s when you miss stuff" Loads of kids miss stuff in school when they are actually present.

"And your harping on about children missing lessons because they’re cleaning out cupboards is odd, to say the least." Very well, it is odd to think children should be doing learning at school!

"Are they the unusual ones?" I've no idea about your kids, and it was not my own kids who cleaned the cupboard. BUT my point is that school is not a situation where very minute is an equally valid minute of learning!

Not sure what the little face is for, if I've not explained my position clearly enough then no worries. I certainly don't want to bang on about the cupboard any more than I need to.

Enjoy your day with ds, OP.

Good lord, people do love a slippery slope argument!

Taking an occasional "mental health day" (or "comfort day" for small children, if you prefer) is not going to destroy their work ethic for life. It's going to teach them that occasionally it's okay to give yourself a small break and prioritise your own wellbeing over being a corporate wage slave 10,000 hours a year. As others have pointed out, intelligent companies actually recognise this and have designated days for it!

And one day off as a special treat is not the same thing as "taking a day off whenever they feel like it." The OP did not post saying that her son is always begging for days off, faking illness or complaining about going to school. She said he's small, and tired, and said how much he wished he could spend just one day at home with his mum by themselves.

OP, I would do it. But I wouldn't lie to my husband and daughter. I'd tell her that you understand that she works hard at school too, and just once a year it's okay with you if she takes a day off to have a mummy-kid day, just the two of you. And I'd tell my husband that it's not about being soft and giving them time off whenever, but about recognising that kids have emotional needs as well as physical ones, and doing a little something to nourish those needs.

I have given my kids the odd duvet day in primary, generally when it was approaching the end of a long term when they were totally knackered. My favourite school in the UK was the one (a human scale education school) where it was totally acceptable to phone up and tell the school that was what was happening, and the response would be "enjoy your time together" or "do something fun". I couldn't give a rats arse that some random people on an Internet forum think it's a BAD THING 😊 My only concern would be around lying to your DH and DD about it.

Just do it. Don't pretend he's ill. Just say he's having a day with you. If it makes you feel easier about telling school where he was, take him to a museum or something. He's your son before he's their pupil. Not sure why your DH would have a problem with it. It's only a bad habit if you let it become one. As a one off, it's the stuff memories are made of.

Do it but don't lie as others have said.

I would and I have, I don't think school is everything in the world. I know I'm on my own in that idea on MN. But when you look back on life do you remember a great day at school or being happy at home with your mum

Not cool. Your child will think school is optional and you could make problems for yourself in future.

My friend has taken her ds out of school on the odd day he was tired, grumpy and struggling to cope. She has informed the teacher when doing it and gave him a day off last year in yr4. I think one day won’t do any harm.

My dd really struggled with saying goodbye as well. She was the child, who struggled the longest. I’m chronically ill and she worried. On top of this, she was bullied by her former bestie in yr1. For months, she was very anxious struggled to go to school. I occasionally kept her off for the day. Sometimes I took her in late. Sometimes I called dh at work and we discussed it with her and cajoled her into going in.

Dd is now in yr5 and she bounces into school. She’s had one day off this year due to a nasty cold, which saw double figures absences one day. She’s strong and resilient.

As long as this day off is clearly just a day off, I don’t see an issue. I can imagine had dh and I pandered more to her anxiety, she would have missed a lot more School. We did use a child psychologist for a few months and this helped.

You are a long way away from this situation as you have a 4 yo, who doesn’t legally have to attend school. One day off doesn’t have to be a slippery slope.

It's the lying that I'd have a problem with.

I wouldn't be telling a 5-year-old it's okay to do things you have to lie about.

Why don't you wait until there's an inset day? There's bound to be one soon.
I wouldnt like DD getting the message that she can have a day off school because she doesn't fancy going in.

YANBU to let him have a day off. But as Thebeastinmsrooneysroom suggests, I would be honest about it.

1. A "mental health day" is not the same as a day off sick because you have a mental health problem. It's a term derived to describe the usefulness of a break. AKA a duvet day, so there's no need for anyone to get huffy about it for that reason

1. He's five FGS. He is doing well but he has clearly and pointedly told you that he would like a day off from school. Listening to our children's wishes is important and is not synonymous with giving them everything they want

1. Being honest offers you the opportunity to demonstrate your assertiveness to your DCs, your DH and the school and is a useful way to set a clear boundary for your son ("I have listened to you, I have arranged this day, this will be a one off thing")

1. His day off will have absolutely no negative impact on his work ethic (can't really believe I'm even acknowledging that point tbh) and surely, our job is to make decisions based on the best interests of our children, not to simply adequately mould them for the corporate world.

1. Personally, I would make it neither the most exciting day nor the most dull. a comfort day, as a pp said.

Oh and good post Lily I agree.

This one day won't have a negative impact on his work ethic. Doing it on any sort of regular basis probably would.
Which is why it's a beautiful opportunity to set that boundary. Trust your instincts singadream

I hope you do it OP and totally enjoy cuddling under a big fluffy duvet watching a good movie and making cookies and enjoying lunch in the back yard.

nothing wrong with a lesson in love. that he said something to you and you listened you really heard what he was saying.

Sometimes the most important lessons are the things we learn outside of the classroom.
For your son having this time with his mum might make the world of difference for him.

Do you have half term coming up where you are or have you already had it? I wouldn't do it if he has a week off coming up soon anyway. Kids round here are on half term next week.

gosh no,
what about his siblings.
wont they know?
they will all want to skive?
even if one of my dc were ill we would struggle with the whole Day off school thing, the siblings would all want one.

and to be honest I bet he would be bored, and worried about lying to school.