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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider letting ds have day off?

315 replies

singadream · 12/10/2017 23:46

He started reception in sept. He likes school. Is difficult at drop off but walks there happily (is just saying goodbye that he struggles with) and has a good time. Keeps getting stickers for good behaviour. Has made friends etc. Hasn't sought out his big sister in year 2 much at lunch even though they are very close.

But when I put him to bed tonight he said what he most wants in the world is one day at home with me just the two of us instead of school. He said any time fine as in not saying he doesn't want to go tomorrow.

He baby brother starts nursery next week so it would be possible (until now it wouldn't just be the two of us it would be the toddler too).

Aibu to consider giving him just such a day - me, home, playing, cuddles, tv- for a day between half term and Christmas and pretend to school he is sick. TBH I may have to pretend to his sister and dh that he is sick too so that she doesn't want same and because dh will not approve. It's kind of like a mental health duvet day equivalent though isn't it?

OP posts:
FluttershysCutieMark · 13/10/2017 07:26

Fluttershy what are you on about?

I think a better question would be - what are you on about? Seeing as you have not highlighted any particular point I have raised.

SellFridges · 13/10/2017 07:32

It’s a no from me. It’s half term soon. See what you can do then.

Petal12 · 13/10/2017 07:35

I wouldn't lie. I regularly took my August born 4 year old out through reception. He was shattered though and it was never for a whole day, more like collected at lunch. He would then come home and have a 2 hour nap. This stopped around easter time and now we're in year 1 - no problems at all. I treated reception as a transition year. I strongly feel that kids shouldn't begin formal, pressured education until around 7 though so maybe that influenced me.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 13/10/2017 07:36

I wouldn’t lie about it but I wouldn’t have any issues with taking him out for a day. He’s in reception.
Just say he’s not feeling himself so you’ve kept him off school for the day.
I don’t think it’s a downward spiral into a life of deceit and work avoidance. It’s just a 4 year old having a ‘down’ day.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 13/10/2017 07:38

Can't you do a day with just him at the weekend? Arrange someone to have the other kids and spend a day doing what he wants to do. I don't see why it needs to be on a school day.

Lovemusic33 · 13/10/2017 07:40

I have done it but usually when one of the dc's have an appointment (dentist, Hospital) and then I take them out for lunch after and let them have the rest of the day off. I wouldn't do it now they are older though, my dd is actually ill this morning but is still going in as it's Friday and she knows she can stay in bed tomorrow.

timeisnotaline · 13/10/2017 07:42

I'm not sure, I wouldn't like to set an expectation. But 'mental health days' aren't about having an actual mental health issue, it's about a break from stress at work / busy life and reduces sick days for companies that have them. I'm sorry people are offended by it but I've seen them used this way in a number of jobs and they are a great initiative. It kind of does apply for the 5 year old, but more risk they don't understand that it's a one off.

CiderwithBuda · 13/10/2017 07:43

But but but this day could be massively important to his future. If he doesn't get into an Oxbridge uni you will look back and remember the day you kept him home when he wasn't sick.

I used to keep DS off for duvet days. Never lied though. Just said he was a bit tired and needed a day at home. My DH wasn't keen on the idea but I did it anyway.

We start kids at school far to young in my opinion. And this is a long term. So many of them get tired and ill.

I did it when DS was a bit older too. And a Xmas shopping day where we would do a bit of Xmas shopping and have lunch out. He is 16 now and won't go anywhere with me and certainly not shopping so I treasure those memories.

CiderwithBuda · 13/10/2017 07:46

Petal12 - looking at Reception year as a transition is exactly how it should be. I remember reading that reception year should start with 80% play and 20% work and gradually transition to 80% work and 20% play by the end of th year ready for full schooling in Year 1.

SoupDragon · 13/10/2017 07:46

You are planning to lie to the school, your DD and your DH. You also expect your DS to do this. That's not something I would want to put on a reception aged child.

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 13/10/2017 07:47

How old is he? There's no legal requirement to be in school till they're 5.

Damia · 13/10/2017 07:50

We don't have a duvet day we have a theme park day (as our DS is in juniors). Theme parks are so much more fun when you don't have to queue up for 30 mins per ride. Plus if it's a bit drizzly even better even less other ppl there!!

SuburbanRhonda · 13/10/2017 07:54

There's no legal requirement to be in school till they're 5.

As pp have said, there is indeed no legal requirement to be in school until the term after they're five.

In our school, all this means in practice is that low attendance at this age isn't referred to Education Welfare. The child is on roll at the school, they are expected to attend.

And yes, if you lie and expect your child to collude in the lie, we'll know.

PoppyPopcorn · 13/10/2017 07:55

It's Friday. He has the whole weekend with you. There is no way I'd be keeping my child off for this reason.

Theoistfit · 13/10/2017 08:01

Yes, I would and have done it, mostly in reception. He'll be shattered closer to Christmas, which is when I've done it. We've had some lovely times together away from the demands of the routine/ rest of the family.

KoalaD · 13/10/2017 08:01

But 'mental health days' aren't about having an actual mental health issue, it's about a break from stress at work / busy life

Yes. Which is understandable, for adults.

If your

Springbreeze · 13/10/2017 08:02

Agree this is all about the mum's needs. It isn't because he's tired as the plan is to do it in a few weeks time, when he may or may not be tired.

Take a day with each child over half-term instead

MiaowTheCat · 13/10/2017 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HipToBeSquare · 13/10/2017 08:07

I 100% would!

Dd1 (y2) needed a duvet day last week but I couldn't let her as we are off for something like 12 days in December because we're going to Australia.

Otherwise I would have given it to her. And she knows she couldn't have the day off because of her long holiday soon.

tinypop4 · 13/10/2017 08:13

Can you do it at the weekend, while your DH spends the day with your little one?
I also crave time with my DD (and she with me) now she has started reception. She is tired and would love a duvet day with me but that's not really how life works. School is a commitment, same as work, and you have to learn the lesson that you have to go even if you don't fancy it, unless sick.
It's not a good lesson to teach your son but I do understand how you and he are feeling.

Wetcappuccino · 13/10/2017 08:14

I think it is a bad precedent to set - but a lovely idea. Could you arrange to spend a weekend "lovebombing" type day with him just the two of you?

Ragwort · 13/10/2017 08:21

I wouldn't dream of it, but my child was never 'tired/exhausted' after a day at school - I wish Grin. And a 'duvet day' or whatever you like to call it is my idea of hell.

Personally I think it sets a bad example that whenever you are tired/want a day 'cuddling mummy' boak etc etc it is OK not to go to school/work etc.

Surely you have enough time after school/half term/school holidays/inset days or at weekends to have a 'duvet day'?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/10/2017 08:30

but when you look back on life do you remember a great day at school or being happy at home with your mum
Given the child has been at home with his mum for the last five years, I’d imagine the great day at home will have merged in with all the others by the time he’s reminiscing as an old man.
He’s only been at school for around six weeks??

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/10/2017 08:37

Arf at we DO things at the weekend, it’s not very restful. Ffs!

Shopkinsdoll · 13/10/2017 08:45

I don't think there is anything wrong with it, I'd be tempted too. But I'd be scared it would set him back, he might think he can stay home with mummy when he doesn't want to go to school in the future. My girls in p1 and Been a nightmare to settle. Many times iv wanted to scoop her up and take her home with me. But I know I can't