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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike strangers knocking on my door

248 replies

lizzieoak · 12/10/2017 20:43

Last night I was home alone & the porch light was off (about 9:00pm). I wasn't expecting anyone and someone knocked on my door (which is glass). There was a pause then another (quite firm) knock. And again. They stood out there for what felt like a few minutes. I had lights on, tv on, car in the drive.

I didn't feel safe opening the door - safe area, but I don't feel anywhere is 100% safe for women.

After they left I peaked out and could see a man and woman walking down the road & they didn't go anywhere else. So not door to door charities/home reno businesses (get a lot of that here).

Today I was home w my tall teenage ds & someone knocked on the door. I called out "I'll get it", sort of expected neighbours - this time it was someone trying to sell yard services (had a jacket on w name of company).

Aside from being annoyed at people pestering us for things I can't afford/random people knocking who knows why, does anyone else find it frightening when someone knocks on the door (when you have no adult male around)?

OP posts:
Ttbb · 12/10/2017 20:45

I find that really annoying-no I don't want to pay you for foot massages, if I wanted a stranger touch my feet I would look sobeobe up in the the white pages.

Escapepeas · 12/10/2017 20:46

No. No I don't. I look through the spyhole and if it looks like a Jehovah's, door to door sales or a political canvasser, I just don't answer.

I'm sorry, but I find it weird that a grown woman would be afraid to answer the door without an adult male around. And I don't get this whole strange attitude on MN about answering doors anyway.

I think YABU.

DaisysStew · 12/10/2017 20:46

It always makes me jump, not sure why, it did when I lived with my ex too so it's not just being alone that does it to me.

I just don't answer any more, it's either religious pests or more recently people begging. I don't live in the nicest area.

ConfessorKahlan · 12/10/2017 20:48

This is why I have six foot fences and locks on my gates. No bastard is getting in here to knock at my door. Any one I want to see knows that the gates are locked and will phoneat the gate (or shout really loud!)

I think we might be a bit anti-social.

Bluntness100 · 12/10/2017 20:51

No not at all.

I also don’t understand the mumsnet issue with answering the door and not wishing to do it without an adult Male present takes it a step further than that.

formerbabe · 12/10/2017 20:53

Many years ago I was home alone and someone knocked on the door at 10pm. It really made me jump because you just don't expect it. I didn't open it...we had an intercom so I spoke to them through that. Some long begging story...I didn't open the door and told them I had no money and they went on their way. Never open your door if you don't know who it is and especially at night.

Doomhutch · 12/10/2017 20:54

I don't know if it's just where we live (London), but we have this all the time. Charities, businesses, religions, packages for people who live miles away.

I've seriously considered getting one of those video doorbells.

Bluelonerose · 12/10/2017 20:54

Nope I hate it too.
But I had A LOT of issues with exh doing stupid stuff like hammering my door at 2am, damaging my car etc Angry
I was on my own with the children and it did uses to scare me.

Even now if I'm not expecting some one I won't answer.

FreudianSlurp · 12/10/2017 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppyPopcorn · 12/10/2017 20:56

True story. Last time I had a stranger knock on my door (and it was a MAN), he was a location scout for a tv production company and long story short after TALKING TO HIM and LETTING HIM IN the house, we ended up having a TV ad filmed in the house and earning £600 for a day and a bit's work.

Not ever answering your door and refusing to engage with people is just weird. A simple "no thank you" is all it takes. Murderers/rapists hardly annouce their arrival by politely knocking on the door either. Hmm

Rheged · 12/10/2017 20:56

I don’t like it either. I certainly wouldn’t open the door to a random knock after dark.

lozzylizzy · 12/10/2017 20:57

We are currently sorting the inside of our new house so fences, gates etc haven't been done yet. We have a shared drive with the next door neighbour and the gates were open. My DS shouted someone was knocking on the back door (in the garden, low gate and fence from the drive from previous owners).

Anyway two ladies which I presume were to give me some religious script (two more ladies waiting at the end of the drive) and I was quite rude, asked why they thought it was ok to knock on my private back door and asked them to leave my garden. They looked quite taken aback!

pigeondujour · 12/10/2017 20:58

I feel the same OP, especially when everyone has mobiles - I'd instinctively expect an unexpected knock to mean bad news.

And I hate women being told they're being stupid for being scared of things like this.

AllToadsLeadToHome · 12/10/2017 20:59

Local news recently, A woman answered her door, robbers burst in and took her valuables. It happens regularly, they know which houses to go to. The others just jemmy the doors open when there is no-one home on the offchance.

I have a sign on the door which reduces unwanted callers but I still get the tree surgeons, drive cleaners and rendering protectors 'special offer as we are in the area today'. I take a leaflet and tell them I have no money.

I won't open the door unless I can see out first.

ConfessorKahlan · 12/10/2017 21:00

I'm not scared of opening my door - I'm quite happy to accept that I am weird though.

Coughingchildren5 · 12/10/2017 21:01

I don't mind, I get curious but I do have a big dog so I feel safe. A survey llady knocked yesterday but didn't want to ask me any questions as I didn't suit her demographic. I was weirdly disappointed lol

formerbabe · 12/10/2017 21:01

Not ever answering your door and refusing to engage with people is just weird

It's not weird at all. In the example I gave of the man ringing my doorbell at 10pm begging for money, I'm very pleased I didn't open the door. I was home alone and would have been really scared. Besides, it was MY home therefore MY choice who I open my door to.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 12/10/2017 21:01

YANBU, OP. Why would you want someone knocking at your door at night who you weren't expecting?! We get it here too. They usually time it so it's just as my 2 yo is in the bath or falling asleep. So annoying! Bog off!

cloudchasing · 12/10/2017 21:03

Murderers/rapists hardly annouce their arrival by politely knocking on the door either Hmm

There are thousands of victims that would beg to differ.

PhatSlag · 12/10/2017 21:06

We get loads of door to door sellers and tradesmen knocking round my way so I rarely answer the door to unknown people.

I opened it once to once of those ‘I’ve just got out of prison and I’m selling dusters’ scam types and when I told him I didn’t want to buy anything he got nasty.

Bluntness100 · 12/10/2017 21:06

Anyway two ladies which I presume were to give me some religious script (two more ladies waiting at the end of the drive) and I was quite rude, asked why they thought it was ok to knock on my private back door and asked them to leave my garden. They looked quite taken aback

Wow, you don’t even know why they were there yet proudly proclaim you were rude, Shock would you be quite so proud if you knew they were searching for a lost pet or child?

dontbesillyhenry · 12/10/2017 21:10

I found it scary when a random passer by knocked on our door at 3am. He was however shit faced and wanted to know how to get to his house. Don't think he made it far as I heard him swearing and clattering into a wheelie bin a good ten minutes later.

gillybeanz · 12/10/2017 21:15

I'm not bothered who knocks on my door, If I don't feel like answering I don't.
You can always call out of the window and ask what they want if you suffer from anxiety.

Judydreamsofhorses · 12/10/2017 21:19

I always get a bit of fright if the door bell rings at night and we're not expecting anyone. My DP usually goes and is generally very kind/tolerant of charity collectors, religious people or whatever. The last time I was home alone and answered it was a woman and little girl who lived in the street behind us, who had lost their rabbit. It was vaguely irritating having them trail through the house to check the back garden, especially as I was cooking dinner, but I figure at some point I may have to go door to door to try and retrieve our cat, so karma. (That said, I'd have been more reluctant to answer/engage now it's dark much earlier.)

SemiNormal · 12/10/2017 21:24

YANBU - in fact I started a thread a year or so ago about this when a drunk young woman started hammering on my door (I think around midnight), I didn't know initially that it was a woman and she tried the door handle etc. I was shitting myself thinking it was my abusive ex partner because in my mind who else could it be?!

And I hate women being told they're being stupid for being scared of things like this - Agree, so many people make out women are ridiculous for feeling afraid without even bothering to ask WHY are they afraid ... it could be, like me, abusive ex partner, or anxiety or they were burgled before ... any number of reasons. Still, it's easier to be a smug judgy cunt I guess