To dislike strangers knocking on my door

[lizzieoak]

Last night I was home alone & the porch light was off (about 9:00pm). I wasn't expecting anyone and someone knocked on my door (which is glass). There was a pause then another (quite firm) knock. And again. They stood out there for what felt like a few minutes. I had lights on, tv on, car in the drive.

I didn't feel safe opening the door - safe area, but I don't feel anywhere is 100% safe for women.

After they left I peaked out and could see a man and woman walking down the road & they didn't go anywhere else. So not door to door charities/home reno businesses (get a lot of that here).

Today I was home w my tall teenage ds & someone knocked on the door. I called out "I'll get it", sort of expected neighbours - this time it was someone trying to sell yard services (had a jacket on w name of company).

Aside from being annoyed at people pestering us for things I can't afford/random people knocking who knows why, does anyone else find it frightening when someone knocks on the door (when you have no adult male around)?

[Bluntness100]

Op, but you’re not tiny' you’re in the corridors of an average size for a woman. Why do you think you’re “ tiny”

[CoughLaughFart]

Why do you care if I am happy to open my door?

You seem pretty invested in why others aren't happy to do it.

[mintteaandbananabread]

You seem pretty invested in why others aren't happy to do it

When I've said repeatedly that I'm not interested in anyone elses decision on opening their door? I think you are confusing me with someone else.

[CoughLaughFart]

So why come back and keep repeating it?

[mintteaandbananabread]

Repeating what? I was answering a question on whether I would open the door at 10pm. Do you have a problem with that?

[KittyLover91]

I live at home with my mum and dad still and I only answer the door to the postman or delivery men haha!

Anyone knocks who I'm not expecting i'll hide, sneak upstairs and spy out the window

Embarrassed to admit I am 26 haha!

[lizzieoak]

Ffs, I do not need therapy because I don't want to open my door.

I'm of average height, but as people are constantly telling me I'm tiny, I'll take their word for it. It may have something to do with my tiny width. I have the wrist circumference of a child for example. My exh is fairly short but I know when he'd push me I'd topple over as he was hell of a lot stronger than me - I think this is not uncommon for male vs female strength? I've got tendinitis so my arms just can't get stronger than they are (I've tried).

Not all women are assertive, physical types. And that's okay. Feminism does not insist we all feel the same as men, just that we are not discriminated against because of it. Staying sat in the sofa & ignoring the door is not impinging on my rights in society.

[CoughLaughFart]

Repeating what? I was answering a question on whether I would open the door at 10pm. Do you have a problem with that?

You used the phrase 'I said repeatedly' in the post directly before!

I don't have a problem, but you voluntarily joined this discussion and are now taking umbrage at anyone disagreeing with your stance.

[reetgood]

Has not occurred to me to not open door when people knock. In the past month we've had two late night knocks at door. One was paramedics for elderly neighbour next door, who wrongly had me down as key holder. Fortunately I knew who did and they didn't have to break the door down. She was unwell and wouldn't let them in. The other was my neighbour wondering if he could grab a couple of tea bags and sugar for the morning as they'd just run out.

[lizzieoak]

Ah, just realized what you're on about (I couldn't recall having claimed to be tiny till you brought it up). I said "it" might be tiny, not "I", it being the chance of being assaulted. But yes, people do think I'm small. I am not averagely wide.

[lizzieoak]

But reef, your neighbours could have rung first. I do when I want to pop over to mine.

[Papafran]

My exh is fairly short but I know when he'd push me I'd topple over as he was hell of a lot stronger than me

To be fair, it sound like you're a lot safer now without an adult male in your house than what you were before. I have no problem with people not answering the door if they don't know who it is or don't feel safe. It was the way you worded the OP "without an adult male around" that irritated me a little. But not too much. Plus I found it confusing that you said 'at home alone' if you are single and live alone? From your OP, I got the impression that you normally live with a man but were alone for a night. Obviously that was wrong.
But carry on doing what you are doing.

[lizzieoak]

I'm safer going forward as I will recognize red flags sooner I hope and not tolerate a moment of bullshit from a partner. It hasn't made me worried any future partner will hit me.

I worded it that way because it often feels to me on MN that most posters are living with partners, so I wanted to include that scenario.

[lizzieoak]

And I live with ds but he's often at school or out with friends so a fair amount of time alone.

[mintteaandbananabread]

I don't have a problem, but you voluntarily joined this discussion and are now taking umbrage at anyone disagreeing with your stance

I'm specifically not expecting anyone to agree with my stance, I'm talking about risk perception and logic. Flattering as it is for you to focus on me, perhaps if you want to you could actually pay attention to what Ive said first? Or just talk to whomever you are confusing me with.

[Papafran]

Ah fair enough, that makes sense. I didn't realise you had a DS.

[Whitecurrants]

There’s a difference between ‘answering’ and ‘opening’. If I’m not sure I just call through the door and look through the peephole. Stock phrases “No thanks I’ve got tons of cleaning stuff but thanks for asking”, “Sorry, we’ve just got the children in the bath”, “Sorry, I never give money to door to door callers” get rid of the ones I don’t want to open the door to with (so far) minimal offense.

[CoughLaughFart]

I'm amazed how many of the people who fling their door open at any hour of the day or night find it's someone who's running from an attack, is stranded with their newborn baby, needs help rescuing an elderly neighbour who has fallen down the stairs, wants to give you free money and luxury chocolates, turned out to be the love of your life etc. Surely sometimes it's some pushy twat flogging dusters?

[SemiNormal]

Following on from Whitecurrants post - I've been advised to always respond with WE and never I so that whoever is knocking will assume there is someone else at home with you. Just throwing that out there.

[mintteaandbananabread]

when my door bell ring its either the coal man or milk man, local kids looking for my kids, friends or neighbours or relatives of mine. It might occasionally be someone looking for charity donations or for me to switch energy suppliers. They are unfailingly nice.
I've lived here many years and it's never been anyone rude or dodgy or dangerous.

[formerbabe]

when my door bell ring its either the coal man or milk man, local kids looking for my kids, friends or neighbours or relatives of mine

Do you live in the 1950s?

[lizzieoak]

I don't have the coal man or milk man knocking as I did live in the 1950's. That sounds charming actually, but 99% of the people who knock on my door without warning are people flogging daft religions/politics/causes/services that I'll research first not but from someone on my doorstep.

[lizzieoak]

Don't live, not did. Autocorrect fail.

[mintteaandbananabread]

No, I don't live in the 50's.