To dislike strangers knocking on my door

[lizzieoak]

Last night I was home alone & the porch light was off (about 9:00pm). I wasn't expecting anyone and someone knocked on my door (which is glass). There was a pause then another (quite firm) knock. And again. They stood out there for what felt like a few minutes. I had lights on, tv on, car in the drive.

I didn't feel safe opening the door - safe area, but I don't feel anywhere is 100% safe for women.

After they left I peaked out and could see a man and woman walking down the road & they didn't go anywhere else. So not door to door charities/home reno businesses (get a lot of that here).

Today I was home w my tall teenage ds & someone knocked on the door. I called out "I'll get it", sort of expected neighbours - this time it was someone trying to sell yard services (had a jacket on w name of company).

Aside from being annoyed at people pestering us for things I can't afford/random people knocking who knows why, does anyone else find it frightening when someone knocks on the door (when you have no adult male around)?

[bingbongnoise]

I hate strangers knocking my door too. Many people do.

Didn't think it would belong before a few people came on here telling you that you are weird/ odd/ anti-social/ miserable/unfriendly, and a bad neighbour (and probably a bad person who hates their life!) if you say you don't much like answering the door to strangers.

Fucking arseholes.

" Ooooooooo I just simply don't understand why people won't open the door to strangers... I do! And I just don't GET this strange attitude on MN when it comes to answering the door when someone knocks it..... "

Bully for you. No-one cares what you think, no-one has to explain to you why they don't like to open the door to strangers, and you are not better than them because you are happy to open the door to strangers.

So just bore off!

[Escapepeas]

Don’t be so ridiculous. ‘Shaming’ women for not opening their door is an absurd over-dramatisation. The OP asked if she was BU for refusing to answer her door without an adult male present. Some of us think she is BU and have said so. Personally, I find the MN aversion to door-answering bizarre, especially when they state a specific cut-off time.

Sometimes I choose not to answer my door because I don’t want to engage with the caller I know is on the other side, but I am not too scared to do it without DH present. If you don’t have a spy hole or video doorbell, you must have windows to see who it is.

[Escapepeas]

And I don’t believe any of the door answerers have called the non-door answerers cunts or arseholes yet either. Funny how having a different opinion on an AIBU thread means you are a cunt or an arsehole.

[mintteaandbananabread]

does anyone else find it frightening when someone knocks on the door (when you have no adult male around)?

No. I'm not some meek little woman who needs a big strong penis owner to guard dog me.
If you don't want to answer your door, don't. I do. I don't see why having a man in the house makes any difference.

[bingbongnoise]

@Escapepeas

There is 'having a different opinion,' and there is taking the piss, mocking, putting people down, and ridiculing their fears. Which is what a few posters on here are doing. AS USUAL.

Don't pretend that is not what's going on here.

And I never called anyone a cunt.

Nor have I seen anyone else do that. I must have missed it. Who said that then?!

[Bluntness100]

No-one cares what you think, no-one has to explain to you why they don't like to open the door to strangers, and you are not better than them because you are happy to open the door to strangers

WTAF, are you deciding who can and cannot answer the thread question based on whether you personally agree with their opinion or not? Is your name Justine by any chance? 😂

[mintteaandbananabread]

No-one cares what you think

OP cares what we think, she asked us all to tell her. So jog on.

[lizzieoak]

I can't see my front door from the windows and the door itself is glass so to look out it is just letting them know there's a woman there who isn't keen on opening the door.

I don't mind it so much during the day. At night it gives me the creeps. My friends and neighbours have my number, theycan ring or text first.

It's not like no woman ever had been assaulted by someone they opened the door to - a girl I went to school with was raped in this scenario (it doesn't prey on my mind unduly as I didn't know her well, just saying it certainly does happen that strangers sometimes knock prior to assault).

And if someone is having a broken car/lost rabbit type emergency, there are plenty of people nearby who will open their doors as they're not living alone (w kids).

I would have thought it obvious why it's different if a man is at home Not because I can't manage the heft of a door, but because a man looking to sexually assault someone is fairly unlikely to do it if they think there's potential danger to themselves - they look for the more vulnerable target.

[MySecretThread]

I have a sign on the door saying no cold callers etc and it works brilliantly. I almost never get any cold callers now.

[lizzieoak]

And I don't think I'm particularly meek, but I am small and absolutely someone could push past me as on top of being small I have tendinitis so my arms are really weak (despite doing strength exercises).

As a side issue, during the day it's annoying as I'm generally in the bath, having a nap, on the computer trying to work etc when they knock. If I don't know them, I wish they would bog off. Englishman's (woman's in this case) home is his castle and all.

[bingbongnoise]

The OP asked people for views and opinions YES, but as usual, a few posters are on here mocking and taking the piss.

Not really giving opinions are you? You're just saying 'I am Ok with answering the door, so YOU should be or you are a freak/weirdo/anti social twat blah blah.'

I re-iterate. Bore off.

[OhOurBilly]

I'm not meek, or mild, or particularly quiet. But I am 5,2 and nine stone. The bloke who knocked on my door, who had just threatened another full sized adult man with a knife would have easily overpowered me to get past.

If there's a crash on my road, I will go out, regardless of the time, to help or phone police whatever. I live on a busy main road, in a house slightly set back. No neighbours on either side that would hear if I needed help. I would probably look out of the upstairs window.

But my heart would be in my arse if it was dark, quiet and someone I wasn't expecting knocked my door. And no way would i open the door, especially to someone I didn't know, double especially not at night, even more so now I've got a baby in the house.

[pp2017]

I have read a few comments on MN about people not wanting to open doors and I used to think “eh? what’s wrong with these people?” because I’ll open my door to anyone 😳

But the more I think about it the more I think it’s not weird or strange - I think it can depend on any number of things....

Past experiences, where you live, how you were brought up etc etc

Each to their own - only do what makes you comfortable and if that’s not opening your door then don’t let anyone tell you you’re being unreasonable and you should 😠

[overduemamma]

I don't like random people knocking on my door, I don't even like it when family turn up unannounced! X

[AllToadsLeadToHome]

When you have moved house twice because of a stalker you do think carefully before randomly opening the door to anyone that feels like pestering you.

When your best friend was murdered in her own home you also tend to be a bit more careful than many others on here.

If you have been lucky so far just bear in mind that it might be your turn one day.

[Tartyflette]

Don't any of the non-openers have deliveries?
I buy lots of stuff online or by mail order, it can routinely arrive up to about 7 pm -- even later if it's Amazon which delivers up to 9 pm round my way.
We have also had quite a few people knocking who are genuinely lost and asking for directions (unlit country road) or looking for the hotel that is about a mile further down the lane.
I know what it's like to be trying to get to my destination in the dark in an unfamiliar area and it's not pleasant. So on the whole I'm happy to help.
My neighbour won't even answer her phone after dark! Counter-productive, I'd have thought.

[lizzieoak]

When I do get deliveries I can see a honking big Canada Post truck outside. So then I feel it's fine to open (as apparently they time their staff so no time left over to commit random acts of violence).

I live in a suburb and while walking distance to shops etc I can't see anyone getting terribly lost. There's street signs and they can look at their maps app or call whoever they're trying to find. In all the years of strangers knocking on my door I've had zero who are lost. They've all been selling services/crap cookies/religion/politics. I got told off by two save the trees people for having my porch light off (at 8:30pm in the winter) & I told them it was mean to signify that I don't want to be bothered by random strangers. They looked rather surprised!

[OhOurBilly]

tarty Weirdly, I get loads of home deliveries. Amazon, Asda etc. But I generally have an idea of when they're arriving. Amazon in particular emails to say if a parcel is out for delivery and will arrive shortly etc and I've never had an Amazon package arrive after dark personally. But I pretty much always also see/hear the van doors slide open too.

[TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt]

I opened it once to once of those ‘I’ve just got out of prison and I’m selling dusters’ scam types and when I told him I didn’t want to buy anything he got nasty.

This happened to me too. DH was in at the time, heard me insistently repeating "No thank you" and came to my aid. The guy took one look at his glowering face and stropped off, but not before kicking DH's car, throwing a stone at one of our windows and shouting "I hope your kid dies!"

So no, I don't answer the door unless I know who it is, or I'm expecting a delivery. And I bought one of those No Thanks, Fuck Off (or words to that effect) stickers. It has helped.

[madwifenewlife]

I don't answer the door when it's dark and I'm not expecting someone. A woman answered her door near where my mum lived at 5pm and the man pushed her inside and raped her.

I sold something a bit back on Facebook and the woman was coming at tea time after 4ish she said. It got to 7 and she hadn't come so I assumed she wasn't coming. Got my son to bed. My daughter had a stomach bug so was with me on the sofa at 9pm, when my door went. I was a bit stuck with her on me and wasn't expecting anyone so I ignored it. I forgot about the tea time pick up at this point. The abuse I got from that woman on messages was unreal because I didn't answer my door! I wasn't aware tea time was 9pm!

[deepestdarkestperu]

I open the door, but we keep it locked even when we’re in the house. My parents and I got burgled about six weeks ago, and they walked in through our closed (but unlocked) front door while we were upstairs, took the car keys and mum’s handbag and stole the car off the drive, plus about £600 from her account.

She got everything back but it gave us all the heebie jeebies to know that someone had been in our home and we were totally unaware of it. The locks got changed and the doors are always locked now!

[Jasminedes]

It does annoy me too. A polite 'no cold callers' sign has actually helped more than I thought it would.

[CoughLaughFart]

Murderers/rapists hardly annouce their arrival by politely knocking on the door either.

Of course not. Obviously they break the door down with a battering ram yelling 'I'm coming to rape you!'. It wouldn't occur to someone like that to use some kind of ruse.

Have a stupid face on me.

[SilverySurfer]

I'm with Escapepeas on this. Simply do not understand the MN thing of not opening the door or answering the telephone unless you are expecting a visitor/recognise the number. It's like some weird parallel universe. I know nobody who does either of those two things.

[ReanimatedSGB]

Thing is, unless I'm expecting someone, whoever is knocking is not someone I want to engage with. They will either be peddling their services (including their imaginary friend) or they will be debt collectors or something like that. So they can fuck off.
Anyone with anything important to communicate can make an appointment, or shove a note through the door.

And where I live isn't the sort of place where someone is going to be stranded/have an emergency and no other option but to come and bother me.