To dislike strangers knocking on my door

[lizzieoak]

Last night I was home alone & the porch light was off (about 9:00pm). I wasn't expecting anyone and someone knocked on my door (which is glass). There was a pause then another (quite firm) knock. And again. They stood out there for what felt like a few minutes. I had lights on, tv on, car in the drive.

I didn't feel safe opening the door - safe area, but I don't feel anywhere is 100% safe for women.

After they left I peaked out and could see a man and woman walking down the road & they didn't go anywhere else. So not door to door charities/home reno businesses (get a lot of that here).

Today I was home w my tall teenage ds & someone knocked on the door. I called out "I'll get it", sort of expected neighbours - this time it was someone trying to sell yard services (had a jacket on w name of company).

Aside from being annoyed at people pestering us for things I can't afford/random people knocking who knows why, does anyone else find it frightening when someone knocks on the door (when you have no adult male around)?

[GranolaLover]

Why do some people seem to think it's a legal requirement to answer their front door? I used to live next door to a woman who was like this. She seemed shocked when I said that I didn't answer the door at nearly 10 at night,when I wasn't expecting anyone. My attitude is that if they are legitimate and need to contact me,it's a pretty sure bet that they have my phone number. I don't take kindly to random people collecting for charity or selling stuff calling at night.

[pringlecat]

If it's a delivery, I can track it on my phone - so it's not unexpected.

If there's an issue with the building or they've taken in a parcel for me, a neighbour will text or email me.

If it's an unexpected visit from the police, I can ask them through the door for their name and badge number and call the local station to verify they are genuine.

If I lived in a house, I would consider getting some kind of security camera to identify the caller.

[pp2017]

🤣🤣🤣

[lizzieoak]

I never nap during sex! Though a friend of mine told me she has fallen asleep during sex for decades, so apparently that's a thing =:-0

Now the tub and sex ...

[bingbongnoise]

@lizzieoak

I could be napping, in the tub, having sex.

What? All at the same time???!!!!!!!

[pp2017]

I could be napping, in the tub, having sex.

We lock the door before these activities take place 😁

[lizzieoak]

We have a porch running from the front door all along the living room window so discreetly peeking is not possible. And we have a period glass front door (replacing for solid would devalue the house) so no opportunity to install a peeking thingy :(

It is interesting how there's this split between people who don't think it their duty to open the door to all/women who are cautious about their safety/people who think you need mental health support for not opening your door at night to complete strangers when you're alone.

Is it an introvert-extrovert thing or do the door openers also bungee jump and do nude polar bear swims? Are you door openers generally more up for very high roller coaster rides sort of thing? While the rest of us enjoy a nice coffee nearby?

[Ketoattempt]

We have the Ring doorbell, it lets you view and talk to the person on the doorstep and also records it

[yawning801]

YANBU, I always discreetly look outside my front window to see who it is. I always check in case any family members have an emergency (it has happened, in about 2010 my DGF turned up out of blue after another family member had a stroke. He couldn't remember our number.)

[lizzieoak]

I prefer not to open the door at night to strangers. I sometimes feel nervous if walking around alone at night. Like I said, it's a safe area. I've had a lifetime of fending off unwanted advances, I think much of women's protective behaviour is so ingrained it would be hard to name. But opening the door to strangers at night is the only thing that comes to mind. I'm middle aged so don't go out a ton in situations where more protective actions might come into play.

[AndrewJames]

I live in a "safe" area, but I don't think women are 100% safe anywhere and prudent behaviour now is better than trauma later

But how far do you take that? How many perfectly normal things do yuo choose not to do because, hey, nowhere is 100% safe?

[lizzieoak]

I live in a "safe" area, but I don't think women are 100% safe anywhere and prudent behaviour now is better than trauma later.

I would be seriously annoyed if people I knew just walked into my house! Takes all kinds and in your life that's a perfectly okay course of action, but I'd be really put out of friend and rellies started just walking in. I could be napping, in the tub, having sex.

[pp2017]

@mydogisthebest erm, I’m not sure what you mean unless you thought I was being sarcastic or having a go?

The general gist of this thread seemed to be that the reason (a lot) people won’t open doors to unannounced or unexpected visitors or after dark was around safety - I just meant that it makes me sad that we live in a world where people feel this way, and I genuinely meant that I’m grateful to be in a situation where I don’t have to worry about my personal safety every time I open my front door.....

[mydogisthebest]

pp2017 I certainly don't feel unsafe in my home. I live in a very safe area and also have 2 big dogs who would never allow anyone in unless I tell them it's ok.

No, my friends and family never call unannounced or uninvited. The only people I just turn up to are my parents although I will often phone beforehand just to say we are calling in. I visit them a lot so they are used to me just turning up and are ok with it. They are very elderly and don't drive so can't really just turn up to mine but they never have anyway

[CoughLaughFart]

Why are you bothered so much that people do choose to answer it?

I'm not - and if you'd taken ten seconds to actually read what I've written, you'd have seen I said exactly that. If Bluntness or anyone else want to throw their doors open to all and sundry, they can. But why the obsessive insistence that it's 'weird' for others not to do the same?

[pp2017]

Well this thread has opened my eyes 👀

Peoples friends and family really only ever come round invited or announced? I often have friends and family who just “pop in” most of them don’t even knock 🤣

If I’m upstairs or in the kitchen DS(9) even opens the door (only in daylight) ?!

I think this thread makes me extremely grateful that I live where I do and have the luxury of feeling safe in my own home, I genuinely feel for the posters on here who can’t have that 😟

[AndrewJames]

Bluntness, why are you so obsessed by the fact that some people you don't know and will never meet choose not to answer their own front door?

Why are you bothered so much that people do choose to answer it?

[AndrewJames]

I am 'statistically more likely' to get attacked by opening the door to strangers at 10 at night than I am to get attacked by my own partner. Especially as my partner/husband has never laid a finger on me in 25 years

You don't know what statistics mean.

Of course Halloween trick or treating is acceptable, or millions and millions of children in the world wouldn't be doing it. You may not like it and you don't have to participate, but to say it's not acceptable is ridiculous!

[lizzieoak]

My phone is welded to my hands - I cancelled my landline & forget not everyone has a phone permanently attached to them.

[withoutthelittledots]

Doh, Lizzie I was walking home past their house to get to mine 3 doors away and saw the fire. What would you do, carry on walking back to your house or bang on the person's door to tell them there's a fire?!

[lizzieoak]

Shouldn't you have just rung emergency services straight off? I have, in similar circumstances as I think it's best left to professionals. And maybe they couldn't hear you over the telly as if you were shouting "fire!!" It seems unlikely they'd totally ignore you.

[withoutthelittledots]

The last time I knocked on someone's door late in the evening they didn't answer. I knew they were in because the tv was on, and I could see movement through the curtains. I knocked and rang the bell and shouted through the letterbox but they wouldn't come to the door.

So I went home and dialled 999 for the fire brigade and told them that my neighbour's outbuilding at the bottom of their garden was on fire instead.

[PeaPodPopper]

I was at my DP's house late one evening waiting for him to come home from work when there was a knock at the door. Put the hall light on and could see the outline of a man through the glass door. I shouted 'hello' - no answer, so I shouted again, and again no answer, he just stood there.
So I thought no way was I opening the door in this situation, so turned off the light and went back into the room.
When dp came home and I told him, he said it was the window cleaner - who never ever speaks - calling round for his money.

Not exactly confidence boosting, that!

[Slimthistime]

To be clear I was taking the piss out of bingbong.

[CoughLaughFart]

Bluntness, why are you so obsessed by the fact that some people you don't know and will never meet choose not to answer their own front door? Assuming you're not homeless, you have your own front door, which you can answer to whoever you please at any time of the day or night. Hell, take it off the hinges and hang a banner reading 'Come one, come all' for all I or anyone else cares. But why does it bother you so much that others don't?