To dislike strangers knocking on my door

[lizzieoak]

Last night I was home alone & the porch light was off (about 9:00pm). I wasn't expecting anyone and someone knocked on my door (which is glass). There was a pause then another (quite firm) knock. And again. They stood out there for what felt like a few minutes. I had lights on, tv on, car in the drive.

I didn't feel safe opening the door - safe area, but I don't feel anywhere is 100% safe for women.

After they left I peaked out and could see a man and woman walking down the road & they didn't go anywhere else. So not door to door charities/home reno businesses (get a lot of that here).

Today I was home w my tall teenage ds & someone knocked on the door. I called out "I'll get it", sort of expected neighbours - this time it was someone trying to sell yard services (had a jacket on w name of company).

Aside from being annoyed at people pestering us for things I can't afford/random people knocking who knows why, does anyone else find it frightening when someone knocks on the door (when you have no adult male around)?

[CoughLaughFart]

I know nobody who does either of those two things.

So therefore they don't exist?

[DinosaurGrr]

I never open the door. it case it's TV Licence

[FatBastardHead]

Aside from being annoyed at people pestering us for things I can't afford/random people knocking who knows why, does anyone else find it frightening when someone knocks on the door (when you have no adult male around)?

I find it annoying when people knock me door because the dog goes nuts and it takes her ages to settle back down

What I find more annoying is grown women reproducing misogynistic claptrap which constructs us as vulnerable and in need of male protectors. Shame on you.

[formerbabe]

What I find more annoying is grown women reproducing misogynistic claptrap which constructs us as vulnerable and in need of male protectors. Shame on you

Don't be so ridiculous.

[disahsterdahling]

I don't answer the door unless it's the postman/courier, or I am expecting someone.

There is no need for cold calling. If you are decent at your job, you'll get people recommending you. If you are starting out, you can put leaflets through the door, sometimes I do look at them if it's for a service I have been thinking that I needed, eg if I need new fences I'll look at a leaflet about fences.

[FatBastardHead]

formerbabe Why is it ridiculous? The OP is suggesting she can't answer the door because there's no man around. That is some kind of bullshit.

[FatBastardHead]

And what about women who don't have men around? Like widows? Like single women? Like lesbians? How do they manage to function in society doing simple things like opening their own front door without a big strong masculine man around?

I get the point about not opening the door when it's dark and you don't know who it'll be but conflating that with the need for a man to be around is some kind of sexist bullshit.

[Papafran]

And what about women who don't have men around? Like widows? Like single women? Like lesbians? How do they manage to function in society doing simple things like opening their own front door without a big strong masculine man around?

Yeah, that also irritated me. How do you open the door when you don't have an adult male around? Errr, dunno, I just open the door I guess. Turn the handle and pull it open. There are so many women who do not live with an adult male and the vast majority of them are not paranoid recluses who refuse to answer the door.
Also just to throw it out there, the person statistically most likely to murder or assault you is in fact the man you live with. Not a stranger who knocks on your door.

[mintteaandbananabread]

Exactly. If the rationale is "I won't open my door because there is a chance someone will come in and hurt me" then you shouldn't have that adult male of yours in the house, because there is a far far higher chance that they will hurt you. A thousand times higher.

[CoughLaughFart]

Unless it's your door, you don't get to decide whether it's answered or not. It's that simple.

[FatBastardHead]

papafran and minttea Absolutely right.

[mintteaandbananabread]

Unless it's your door, you don't get to decide whether it's answered or not. It's that simple

I couldn't care less who opens their own doors. We're just talking about the logic and the sexism. And you don't get to decide whether we do or not.

[Bluntness100]

This thread is thought provoking.

There seems to be the two elements which I highlighted earlier, fear or anti social behaviour, not wishing to interact that stops people answering their door.

Anti social behaviour, fair enough.

I think it’s very sad indeed though to live your life in fear, to be too scared to open you door because it may be a murderer or a rapist and have to lock yourself in. However it’s clearly a real fear that some people have.

I can’t say it’s irrational as I don’t know the posters, their experiences or where they live, but I would say stranger rape or murder is very very rare indeed, and someone knocking on your door so they can rape or murder you is even rarer.

I wouldn’t want to live my life like that, and feel very sad that some people’s lives or mental health have led them to this place. I’m not sure if it’s. Better to address your fear and simply answer the door, or to continue to ignore it and feed the anxiety,

[formerbabe]

formerbabe Why is it ridiculous? The OP is suggesting she can't answer the door because there's no man around. That is some kind of bullshit

Going back to the example I gave. I was home alone, late in evening, unknown man knocked on door begging for money. I told him through the intercom that I had no money and he left. However, I was actually pretty shaken up and wondered what would have happened if he had got angry, tried to kick my door, smash a window etc. I'm very pleased I didn't open the door to him. Of course, I'd have felt safer if my dh had been at home...it would be ridiculous to suggest otherwise. I won't compromise my safety to appear "cool".

[Bluntness100]

I won't compromise my safety to appear "cool"

I don’t understand why you keep going on about being “cool” it’s fairly standard to answer your door. It is not cool or uncool. That’s an unusual way to look at it.

The man didn’t do any of those dangerous things you worry about and you were perfectly safe. You keep repeating the story so I understand it’s upset you, but in reality you were totally safe and handled it just fine.

[formerbabe]

Yes, I was safe. However, please note, I didn't open the door. I have no idea what would have happened if I had... probably nothing, but I'd rather not take the chance.
I keep mentioning the "cool" thing because that appears to be the attitude of the posters who are disagreeing. Why are you scared? Why are you suspicious?

If someone I don't know knocks on my door, they are a stranger to me. I owe them nothing. It goes deeper. Women are taught to be compliant. Therefore, if a stranger knocks on your door, you should do what they want and open it. Well fuck that, it's my home, I don't know you.

[mintteaandbananabread]

I won't compromise my safety to appear "cool"

That doesn't make the slightest sense.

[Bluntness100]

Former babe, but you had an intercom, there is no reason for you to open the door. You knew thr situation immediately,

And it’s not about women being compliant, men answer the door too. It’s not gender specific where it’s expected women should answer the door and men not. If this was dadsnet people would be asking the same questions about why don’t you open it.

And I still can’t get my head round why you think people are asking because they are “ cool” . It’s simply a normal thing to answer your door, the vast majority of people do, so of course it begs the question on why would you not.

[formerbabe]

It does make sense. Apparently we need to open our front doors to people we don't know to prove we're not "pathetic, meek" women.

[mintteaandbananabread]

It does make sense. Apparently we need to open our front doors to people we don't know to prove we're not "pathetic, meek" women

No you don't, and no-one said that. It's all the "without an adult male by your side" that makes people think you are meek.
But either way it doesn't translate to "cool".

[Bluntness100]

It does make sense. Apparently we need to open our front doors to people we don't know to prove we're not "pathetic, meek" women

That’s Illogical. If you went by that logic it would be to prove you are a strong woman not a cool one. It would be what the opposite of pathetic and meek is. And cool is not the opposite of pathetic and meek.

Either way it’s to prove nothing, that’s daft, simply for most men and women answering your door is totally normal so it begs the question on why some behave outwith that.

[bigsnugglebunny]

Woah there a minute, I'm sorry but I haven't read the full thread - I was too busy processing the second comment in.. there are actually people who offer door to door foot massage?

[ILoveMillhousesDad]

I never answer the door to anyone I don't know. I can see who is coming up the path from our front room.

Even if the curtains are open and they can see me, it's going to be jehovas, or salespeople so just do one.

[formerbabe]

So, if your doorbell rang at 10pm and you were home alone, would you open the door without checking who it was?

[aconcernedrelative]

Unless it's someone I'm expecting, I put the security chain on. And I'm a bloke.