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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to send a terse note to these families? And maybe an invoice?

300 replies

agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:33

My Daughter is 16. Her party is tomorrow....first one for 5 years. I have saved forever to do a fun and unusual activity for her "friendship group". Invites given out late July before school broke up. Reminder invites by instagram in August before deadline for paying deposit and ordering/paying for food. Directions to venue and disclaimers along with paper reminder given out at beginning of this week for invitees.

TONIGHT 3 people have told daughter they are not coming. 2 have yet to say yes or no. Out of 12 (including daughter). Minimum for activity is 10.

When, just when did people become so rude and unfeeling never mind unconscious of wasting money????????????????

OP posts:
CaptainMarvelDanvers · 08/09/2017 20:41

I think at 16, it's pretty much up to the teenagers to sort out there social lives.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 08/09/2017 20:41

Actually sorry that's slightly unfair. YANBU, it is rude.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 08/09/2017 20:43

Did they say they were coming before you paid the deposit? If they didn't, they're rude for not responding but you were a bit silly to book.

If they RSVPed and have now changed their minds YANBU. That's shit.

ivykaty44 · 08/09/2017 20:45

When people became so entitled they became rude by default

sonjadog · 08/09/2017 20:46

They are very inconsiderate. I can understand how tempting it is to say something, but at 16 years old, I think you have to let them sort it out themselves (unless your daughter wants you to get involved).

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2017 20:50

I think at 16 kids make their own social decisions, the parents aren't really actively involved and yes many 16 year olds will not be thinking of the financial implications of their decisions, or possibly even discussed it properly with their parents until the last minute.

So are 16 year olds rude, sure they are. Seldom intentionally, more they are just self absorbed selfish unthinking little twats. I know because once I was one and yup, I've had one.

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:51

Yes of 12,10 had replied so I paid deposit for 10. Nice venue said if others came I could pay for them at the time.

Only involving parents as the 16 year olds don't drive and would be reliant on parents to get to the venue (for this reason I also gave a "heads up" to parents who I met over the summer)

I know 16 year olds are supposed by MN to be almost entirely independent but we are very rural and most teens would involve parents in most social activities if only as "Mum/Dad the taxi". I personally have a whole calendar for arranging transport for my lot!

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 08/09/2017 20:52

What were they supposed to be doing?

Bluntness100 · 08/09/2017 20:53

Agree mum and dad are rhe taxi, I disagree that the decision on whether to go or not in the first or even the last place is the parents. That's on the kid, unless the kid wants to go and the parents can't afford it. But being a taxi is not the same as making social decisions.

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:55

but you are right.....it won't help.
Actually it amazes me the treatment adults dole out "thoughtlessly" in similar circumstances.

I feel really sorry for DD. Can't even find rent-a-crowd to make the activity happen

OP posts:
DailyMailReadersAreThick · 08/09/2017 20:55

agirlcalledmove They are bloody rude and selfish. Sad Is your daughter upset at them dropping out?

Ragusa · 08/09/2017 20:56

If comms were via the parents, VERY bad form, unless the children are ill or there is some truly unavoidable problem. If it was via kids with later involvement of parents, more understandable. 16 YO me and my mates were flaky and inconsiderate because we still had no real conception of costs, budgeting, and scruples.were still erm nascent.

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:57

Paintballing
Kids are all 15 except DD
All parents had to sign disclaimers so were aware.

Teens who have declined at last minute are saying parents don;t want to drive them (this may of course not be the truth!)

OP posts:
sonjadog · 08/09/2017 21:01

Does your daughter want you to contact the parents? If she is okay with it, I think I might contact them. They might not realize that you paid for it and need ten participants and when their daughters are saying they don´t want to go now they are just seeing an opportunity not to drive, not thinking through what it will mean to you and your daughter.

MrsJamesAspey · 08/09/2017 21:01

It's pants and a similar thing happened to my daughter but in year 9, the girls were being bitchy and doing it in purpose. Fortunately she had another group of friends from an outside of school activity and invited 4 of them, she was honest and said 4 friends have let me down so do you girls fancy coming, they did and they all had a fab time.

The minimum of 10 people will only be for the price, they won't stop the activity if less turn up.

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 21:02

Yes DD is very very upset (and very very conscious of the cost as we have had to budget very tightly and she has had to forgo any present in order to afford it)

I think it unfortunately demonstrates her "friendship group's" attitude to her. She is useful when people want her and dropped like a stone when they don;t. I rather suspect she wanted an activity that was "exotic" and appealing that no-one else had done to try and ensure that people did actually come.

OP posts:
Brenna24 · 08/09/2017 21:02

Can you organise some form of carpool so that they can come?

Rainybo · 08/09/2017 21:03

Pay for 10, take 8? Will the paint balling company allow that? I know it's not ideal money wise, but could mean it will still go ahead.

CatchingBabies · 08/09/2017 21:03

Why don't you offer a lift to those who have declined as parents can't drive them, that may help?

HakunaStigmata · 08/09/2017 21:03

Poor DD. Could you take part too to keep the numbers up?

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 21:04

so glad my teen years are far behind me!!!!!!!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/09/2017 21:05

Do they actually need 10, or you just have to pay for 10?

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 21:12

I already have a car full unfortunately so can't offer more lifts but I will text asking whether others can give lifts..............However I'm pretty sure it's not the transport that is putting the girls off!

I will pay for the 10 and take whoever turns up, do whatever I can to make it work. Unfortunately my other 2 DD are too young to make up the nos (and it would be deeply uncool for 16 year old!!) so I will need to occupy them.

My deepest fear is that the ones who have declined tonight are the polite ones and that others simply won't show

OP posts:
MrsJamesAspey · 08/09/2017 21:12

Assuming it's all girls she's invited do any of the ones who are coming have boyfriends who could come along to make the numbers up?

I'm surprised your dd chose paint balling, mines about to turn 16 and there's no way she'd be interested, her friends parties are all about girlie sleepovers, or parties involving boys and most of her friends getting drunkHmm

sonjadog · 08/09/2017 21:15

Aww, I feel really sorry for her. Teenagers can be so unkind to each other. I cringe when I think of some of the things my friends and I did as teens. We were so careless of other people´s feelings.

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