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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to send a terse note to these families? And maybe an invoice?

300 replies

agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:33

My Daughter is 16. Her party is tomorrow....first one for 5 years. I have saved forever to do a fun and unusual activity for her "friendship group". Invites given out late July before school broke up. Reminder invites by instagram in August before deadline for paying deposit and ordering/paying for food. Directions to venue and disclaimers along with paper reminder given out at beginning of this week for invitees.

TONIGHT 3 people have told daughter they are not coming. 2 have yet to say yes or no. Out of 12 (including daughter). Minimum for activity is 10.

When, just when did people become so rude and unfeeling never mind unconscious of wasting money????????????????

OP posts:
Almahart · 09/09/2017 07:34

Planning a camping trip instead What the fuck is wrong with people. Had I tried to pull a stunt like that my mum would have torn a strip off me. I know 16 yos are independent, I certainly was but parents enabling this shit is unbelievable

OP I agree with PP, modelling that these people are just not worth it and encouraging her to find friends at out of school activities will make a big difference

I hope you lovely daughter has a fantastic day today Flowers

Askingforafriendlyneighbour · 09/09/2017 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eatabagofdicks · 09/09/2017 07:46

That is awful. Your poor dd. I would absolutely call the parents and tell them. If my dc were behaving like this I would be very upset and want to know.
I hope she has a wonderful birthday. Flowers

sandgrown · 09/09/2017 07:47

Hope your daughter has a great day. My DS spent all last night agonising about the fact his so called mates had all gone to the cinema and he was not invited. Bloody social media ! At least in the old days he would not have found out until after the event.

fairycakecentral · 09/09/2017 07:54

The girls are shits. Their parents are even shittier. Since when is it ok to not give get t other people's feelings now? The adults should be saying you go to your friend's party or stay in the house.being rural, they can't go to the camp trip without their parents driving them, and there is zero chance I would drive my son to a camping trip if I knew he was meant to be at a friend's party. I understand tha they might not want to go (maybe as time went on they were unsure about the paint ball side of it) but tough! It's not their choice what type of party their friend has. She's their friend, they turn up, and most likey have a great time. The parents should be teaching children to think of other people feelings, not simply pandering to their own child's selfishness.

There is a culture of selfishness being bred now and i find it pretty disgusting that it's mostly engineered by the parents ( god help society when the teens of now become adults, run the government etc). I see it wth my young son who gets left out a lot because he doesn't quite fit in with everyone else. We dont have parties for him to avoid the situation you are now in.

I hope your daughter has a wonderful time on her birthday and I love that she wants a different type of party (but by god, paint ball hurts).

No way would I let my son do this to his friends

mineallmine · 09/09/2017 08:14

I hope today goes really well and that your dad has a ball. Once that adrenelin gets going she'll love her day even if it is only 4 of them.

Just as a response to one comment you made (not showing your children example in social settings, or emotional resiliance or something, sorry on my phone and too hard to go back...) can I just say you left a situation with DV, set up a safe home, are showing example if hoe to live happily on little money....your children are learning the most important life lessons from you. You sound like a great Mum and even the fact that you're here on MN trying go find a solution for her is testament to that. You can bet your dd would never do this to one of her friends. And why? Because you've taught her better values that will stand to her for the rest of her life.

Binkybix · 09/09/2017 08:20

I've only got little ones so all of this to come. OP you sound like a great mum. Hope your DD has a great day and I'm sure she will find her place as she grows.

Willow2017 · 09/09/2017 08:20

Cansu
RTT
OP has paid for it the girls were not asked to pay for anything. They all accepted the invite them some pulled out last munute.
Funny how their parents can now take them somewhere further away so distance wasn't a problem.

Its all on them not op.

Migraleve · 09/09/2017 08:24

I like how everyone thinks the other girls are bitches Hmm

If so many people dropped out of my DC party at the last minute the very first place I would be looking for a reason would be my DC.

All of this points to a fallout. But getting mad at other kids parents and then calling 15yo'd bitches kind of indicates why said 15yo's may have pulled out

expatinscotland · 09/09/2017 08:26

Hope she has a lovely birthday without those arseholes.

EvelynWardrobe · 09/09/2017 08:26

Best of luck for today, OP. And happy birthday to MoveTheYounger. Cake

Hullygully · 09/09/2017 08:29

I hope it worked out. A very happy birthday to her. Tell her school is an unnatural and awful environment and life just gets better and better as you get older and out into the world. There are a lot of horrible people in the world BUT there are also a great many nice ones, she just has to hang on in there and find them.

Logoplanter · 09/09/2017 08:34

Hope it goes well

FourEyesGood · 09/09/2017 08:39

Happy birthday to your DD! I'm she'll have a great time once she gets started (with her real, reliable friends).

Raindancer411 · 09/09/2017 08:43

Some people just dont think of the money as it's not costing them anything other than the present.

I had a party for my ds and min of 20, 21 said yes and 2 to let me know on day. 15 turned up after 21 said yes! Very annoying but I just remember who not to bother with next time... on the plus side we still had a great time, had comments on enjoyed the atmosphere and what a lovely time and extra food for the adults

littlebird77 · 09/09/2017 08:44

That is just plain rude. I would be calling every single parent on the list and explaining the situation and asking for their support in making this birthday party happen. If you have accepted an invite, you turn up. Unless you are incredibly ill or have a family emergency.

It is not just any old birthday it is a 16th birthday, and I can see why you would be feeling so anxious and upset.

If you can possibly, why not add a sleepover afterwards, so there are two stages to the birthday. The paint balling, then the sleepover so if the paint balling is not a great success you still have the chance to recover the occasion with the sleepover?

pilates · 09/09/2017 08:47

So sad for your daughter 🙁hope she manages to have a good time with her remaining friends. The others sound horrible.

BlueThesaurusRex · 09/09/2017 08:48

Happy Birthday to your DD! Please let us know if she has a good day today (I'm sure she will!)

alltouchedout · 09/09/2017 08:57

Looking at some of you desperately scrabbling for excuses for these young women shows how this sort of unkindness and rudeness is allowed to continue.

I hope your dd has a wonderful birthday OP.

Worriedrose · 09/09/2017 08:58

Hope she has a lovely day, being a teenager is bloody hard.
But I think it was ever thus. It was certainly when I was young

somewhereovertherain · 09/09/2017 08:58

Understand this totally my DD has similar issues with friend group. Has just finished y11 and started at a different sixth form to the rest. New beginnings. She'd love to paint ball. Hope your DD still has a great birthday.

Migraleve · 09/09/2017 09:00

Looking at some of you desperately scrabbling for excuses for these young women shows how this sort of unkindness and rudeness is allowed to continue.

Desperately scrabbling?

You mean looking at it from another perspective?

I also hope the OPDD has a good day, but the name calling of 15yo girls on here is what's unkind and rude.

Without knowing the back story, you know the reason for the cancellations, it's ridiculous to be laying blame at anyone's door.

Hulababy · 09/09/2017 09:04

To accept an invitation and then just drop out once everything's booked just isn't on. No excuses u less it's an emergency.

MrsJamesAspey · 09/09/2017 09:06

I like how everyone thinks the other girls are bitches }
If so many people dropped out of my DC party at the last minute the very first place I would be looking for a reason would be my DC.

But they haven't all dropped out, 3 said the night before that they weren't coming and the OP stated that she was worried the others just weren't going to turn up. If the OPs child deserved no one turning up because she was being the bitch then I'm sure more of them would have told her, and would have told her why.

Hopefully most have turned up and they have s great time

Plipplops · 09/09/2017 09:14

Really hope enough of them turned up and your DD is having a lovely time x