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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to send a terse note to these families? And maybe an invoice?

300 replies

agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:33

My Daughter is 16. Her party is tomorrow....first one for 5 years. I have saved forever to do a fun and unusual activity for her "friendship group". Invites given out late July before school broke up. Reminder invites by instagram in August before deadline for paying deposit and ordering/paying for food. Directions to venue and disclaimers along with paper reminder given out at beginning of this week for invitees.

TONIGHT 3 people have told daughter they are not coming. 2 have yet to say yes or no. Out of 12 (including daughter). Minimum for activity is 10.

When, just when did people become so rude and unfeeling never mind unconscious of wasting money????????????????

OP posts:
MrsJamesAspey · 08/09/2017 23:31

Oh and I hope their tents get flooded and washed away on their camping trip Angry and they lose all their nerf bullets and get shot in the back by paint ballers

Cagliostro · 08/09/2017 23:35

Wow that's horrible :( poor DD :(

Willow2017 · 08/09/2017 23:35

Hope they find out the hard way that sometimes nerf bullets hurt like hell muhhahaha.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 08/09/2017 23:42

Hot...three men ganged up to ostracize me!! I just think it is a huge mistake to generalise.

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 23:43

weather set very fine here for the weekend but we can hope for a freak wind/thunderbolt/flash flood for the campers.

Party is 9am tomorrow and we will paintball with whoever turns up as it's too late to organise and sort out something different (anyway dd wanted to do this so I think we should make it happen.

DS says that if there are 4 it will work as 2 teams of 2 and as I am transporting dd and 2 friends plus my other dds that's 3 there and I think at least 1 other is ok as she is usually straightforward (and isn't chatting to the camping contingent.

They are entering Y11. I think dd will have strong feelings about moving on for 6th form. She is probably slight;y more academic and slightly less creative than the rest of the group so I think there would have been a natural parting of the ways.

I remind all my dc when things are hard that school is really a very little pool of people and it doesn't change much..out in the outside world we meet far more people and the relationships are more dynamic and require a bit more effort. they always answer..well it's ok for you mum...you don;t have to go to school anymore. Which is ,of course a valid point. And aren't I glad I don't

OP posts:
Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 23:45

and as my punctuation seems to have abandoned me...I'm off to wrappresents-- bed.
I'll let you know how it pans out.

Thanks for letting me vent and encouraging us!

OP posts:
LastGirlOnTheLeft · 08/09/2017 23:47

Night Move - Happy Birthday to your DD and sleep tite!!

TheHatOfDoom · 08/09/2017 23:50

Hope your DD has a lovely birthday whatever happens

MrsJamesAspey · 08/09/2017 23:50

I dont think she wants to reinvent herself to be "typically girly" whatever that is and she certainly shouldn't be made to feel that her choices are somehow not right for girls!

Of course she shouldn't. I originally said I was surprised about the paint balling as my soon to be 16 year old wouldn't be interested and I wondered if that was why the girls weren't coming to your dds party, but that is now obviously not the case.

Maybe encourage her to do more of these activities with groups away from any school friends. The fact that my dd had a sport she's totally obsessed with outside of school and friends in that sport helped her immensely when her school mates turned on her.

sonjadog · 08/09/2017 23:57

I hope she has a great day tomorrow.

FindingNemoandDory · 09/09/2017 00:02

I really hope your daughter has a wonderful birthday too! Please let us know how it goes

So unfair of the other girls

LagunaBubbles · 09/09/2017 00:09

Hope your DD enjoys herself regardless

Whinesalot · 09/09/2017 00:16

Hope she had a lovely time.

Whereismumhiding2 · 09/09/2017 00:46

Cake Don't panic, I'm sure most of the others will turn up and DD will have wonderful fun at her party paint balling.
it's far too late to change anything & i wouldn't.

She's not alone, we've had this happen at parties, it makes me want to scream! Best plan is to breezily make the best of it!

Ps. The thoughtless girls will get their teenage unimpressed comeback of some kind, from your Dd's emerging close friends in the coming weeks. And a ' don't invite them/ do favours' for those specific girls plan for future.

gobster · 09/09/2017 00:47

Hope your daughter stays true to herself! No need to reinvent herself to something she's not to fit a certain mould!

I hope she has a brilliant party and that the camping trip is a wash out!

emmyrose2000 · 09/09/2017 01:11

Wow, this girls are utter bitches. Please don't say the camping trip is planned for the same time as the paintballing? Even if not, then it's cruel and nasty to plan it in a chat group and not actually invite everyone in said chat group!

I hope your daughter manages to have a nice time on her birthday anyway.

emmyrose2000 · 09/09/2017 01:12

*these girls

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/09/2017 01:37

It's a shame none of the confirmed attendees who are still coming have called out the camping trip in the group chat, of how they're ditching your DD's party which isn't nice.
Very happy 16th birthday to your lovely daughter, i hope you get enough people show up to make a good go of it and post lots of pics to insta to show them what they missed!

Whiterabbitears · 09/09/2017 01:58

Your poor DD, I really feel for her, I hope she has a great birthday.

My DD17 is going through similar, her friendship group at college turned against her, she was left out of things arranged on snap chat and was basically sent to Coventry so she would have to spend lunch times alone. It breaks my heart to see her lonely.

cansu · 09/09/2017 07:07

It is a bit shit but I think getting ten teens to pay for this is quite an ask. Most teens have maybe four or five closeish friends and then other casual mates. Trying to get some of the casuals to commit to something that will cost them money and also will involve their parents driving them somewhere out of the way was always going to be difficult.

Dentistlakes · 09/09/2017 07:12

It's extremely rude, especially when they are aware a specific activity has been booked.

I'm always amazed about the stories I hear of people not responding to invitations. I've only ever had a few instances when inviting the whole class (soft play type parties) where a few people haven't rspv'd. That said, it's always the same few people, so their children no longer get invited. It's too much hassle trying to work out if they're coming.

mogulfield · 09/09/2017 07:19

If people haven't said they're not coming then I'd assume they're still coming. Paintballing is great, my mates and I would've loved that at 16!

MrsJamesAspey · 09/09/2017 07:23

Hope the party goes well and your dd has s lovely birthday

mogulfield · 09/09/2017 07:24

And what's the issue with the camping trip? Have they booked if to conflict with the paintball by?

AdalindSchade · 09/09/2017 07:30

Fingers crossed she has a great time!
I'm also wondering whether a 9am start time might have put some off?

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