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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to send a terse note to these families? And maybe an invoice?

300 replies

agirlcalledmove · 08/09/2017 20:33

My Daughter is 16. Her party is tomorrow....first one for 5 years. I have saved forever to do a fun and unusual activity for her "friendship group". Invites given out late July before school broke up. Reminder invites by instagram in August before deadline for paying deposit and ordering/paying for food. Directions to venue and disclaimers along with paper reminder given out at beginning of this week for invitees.

TONIGHT 3 people have told daughter they are not coming. 2 have yet to say yes or no. Out of 12 (including daughter). Minimum for activity is 10.

When, just when did people become so rude and unfeeling never mind unconscious of wasting money????????????????

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 11/09/2017 08:57

Really pleased to read your update op Smile

manicmij · 11/09/2017 09:50

Seems as if your daughter is trying too hard to please a few very ungrateful teenagers. Paintballing - usually a male activity at that age, females going for more of the concert, makeup party type thing. Perhaps that's what is wrong. 15 year old females are not well known for charging about in woodland getting messy. Still, very rude to back out at last minute. Is there no clubs locally where you could ask folk to make up the numbers. Sure the event will still happen with fewer folk but may not be as much fun. So sorry for you both being treated that way.

diddl · 11/09/2017 10:04

"Seems as if your daughter is trying too hard to please a few very ungrateful teenagers. "

No-it seems as if she was mistaken in thinking that they were her friends.

As you say, they should never have accepted if they didn't want to do the activity.

Willow2017 · 11/09/2017 10:24

mani
Ffs RTFT

Ops daughter can chose whatever she wants to do on her birthday she likes outdoor pursuits. Its got nothing to do with trying to impress anyone.

These girls are all outdoor lovers getting dirty while doing outdoor pursuits.

If you had read anything you would have seen that the girls arranged a camping trip complete with nerf gun wars instead.

And feck off with the 'this is a boys activity. Girls only like sitting down and being pampered and having their nails done' I can't think of anything worse I would much rather be paintballing. And other posters have done the same with thier dds.

The girls accepted the invite as it was in keeping with all the other things they do. Then they changed their plans.

Btw party has already happened without the idiot girls and everyone had a ball.

helsinkihelen · 11/09/2017 11:13

I am so pleased it all worked out well for your dd. I hope that the experience has helped strengthen your daughter's friendships with the gang that turned up and will mean that if any situations like this arise in the future, your daughter will have the support of these friends. Good God, You forget how hard it is growing up. As adults at least we have a lot more power and experience to be able to remove ourselves from these situations. X

ArcheryAnnie · 11/09/2017 12:00

*man8I the 1950s called and would like their outdated attitudes back.

Ceto · 11/09/2017 12:31

15 year old females are not well known for charging about in woodland getting messy

There speaks someone with zero knowledge of 15 year old girls.

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 11/09/2017 14:55

Grin which girls don't like paintballing/ mud/ getting sporty/ sweaty/ active?
Your daughter might not...fine
you might not....fine
I do...also fine
my daughter does...also fine
loads and loads of other women and girls do....great

Paintballing may not be glam but it is fun.

don't restrict what you do because your chromosomes are XX or XY (or other rare variants) try everything and follow what you enjoy and like.
Little boxes aren't nice to live in...get on out and do whatever makes you happy....

OP posts:
Atenco · 11/09/2017 15:01

Oh mani, I can't imagine anything more boring than a makeup party type thing, talk about gender stereotypes. As it is the girls that didn't go went camping.

MrsToddsShortcut · 11/09/2017 15:30

So glad it all went well for you and your daughter.

My mind is absolutely blown that the camping trip was the same weekend. I thought they were organising it for a future date and being a bit thoughtless. Honestly, I get the teenagers being thoughtless, but the parents? Where is their sense of responsibility in terms of saying to their kids "Hang on, weren't you supposed to be going paintballing" etc etc.

Okay, you can't make a 16 year old do something they don't want to, and I'm not suggesting you should, but I like to think some of those parents have had a quiet word behind the scene about taking responsibility for their decisions, and the impact those decisions have on other people. I can hope...Flowers

OVienna · 11/09/2017 16:50

I read this in the car last night open mouthed, until my phone ran out. Glad the party went well. I cannot believe those other girls and the camping. I felt so bad for your daughter.

If I ever saw the parents in person - I am afraid I would be very tempted to say something. It's an incredibly shitty thing to do. I cannot imagine not wanting to know my child did that, in order to talk to them about why it was wrong. The point is not whether you can or cannot 'make' a 16 year old do something they don't want to - you don't stop parenting them for goodness sake! They may have some sort of yarn to spin as to why they 'had' to do nix the party but at the end of the day nobody wants to be responsible for adding another asshole to the world. Their moral compass needs adjusting, clearly.

Glamorousglitter · 11/09/2017 18:20

Op i followed this because I really felt for your Dd. I just wanted to post and say I m delighted she had a brilliant time and what sounds like an absolutely ace party in the end. Also I think you re lovely for supporting her x (not that any parent wouldn't but supporting/ accepting / etc not easy x)

Dizzybintess · 11/09/2017 18:30

I run girl guides and a ranger group and sadly the older they get, the less consideration they give in most cases. Some are fab and you can tell the ones who are dependable. We ran a trip to London in December we asked that they paid £30 for 2 nights and their own bus ticket. We then covered food and entertainment, we even had permission to be outside Downing Street. The run up was a farce with girls dropping out right left and centre, one would drop out then he friend would.... then the friend got another friend to go and then bailed on the one they had persuaded.
We thankfully had enough in the end to justify the rooms we had booked, some had the cheek to ask for a room refund (despite the fact we had paid the other £70 each for the room and the stress it had caused to refill the space x)
We found out after that one non ranger friend had a birthday party that some didn't want to miss!

DamsonGin · 11/09/2017 18:51

Best bit of being 15 was running round the woods getting muddy. Still do it now whenever I get the chance.

drspouse · 12/09/2017 09:53

If I ever saw the parents in person - I am afraid I would be very tempted to say something.

I think I would as well. Not on the assumption that the parents forced them/persuaded them but with the innocent "I hope you didn't realise your daughter was doing this!" type face.

MissionItsPossible · 12/09/2017 15:24

Just to make you aware, I've seen this story on The Mirror website today OP.

TyneTeas · 12/09/2017 15:47

I came on to say it's on Huffpost

@agirlcalledmove

Motoko · 12/09/2017 16:04

Oh well, maybe the girls parents will see it and be mortified!

MissionItsPossible · 12/09/2017 16:06

I would be so embarrassed if I had spent my career slogging it through university and gaining all kinds of experience only to have a job making up "articles" about Mumsnet posts Confused

Original poster
agirlcalledmove · 12/09/2017 18:47

Quite...shame they didn't read the whole thread they could have started an interesting dialogue on what is or isn't appropriate for teen girls/boys parties.

You can see how fake news gets magnified. If someone posts something the world picks it up and never mind whether it's generally interesting or not...on it goes.

Anyone would think there was not enough going on in the world to keep them in copy!

OP posts:
Haudyerwheesht · 12/09/2017 19:04

I'm glad your dd had fun - this kind of thing really pisses me off but I'm not surprised teenagers do it because I've witnessed adults allowing their primary age kids to do it for years. All of ds's friends got invited to party A of a new boy in the class - the next week invites came out for one of their other, more popular friends. Everyone had already accepted party A invite (apart from 1/2 who never RSVP) and FOUR of the boys were allowed to change their mind and switch parties. They were only about 8 I seem to remember and ds wasn't very well on the day of the party (not contagious jus a bit wheezy) but I made him go because I was so scared nobody would show up.

sandgrown · 13/09/2017 07:14

So glad your daughter had a great day

peatree24 · 01/02/2018 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WineAndTiramisu · 01/02/2018 21:08

Is it really that important 5 months on...?!

peatree24 · 01/02/2018 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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