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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man on the train

318 replies

HunterHearstHelmsley · 17/08/2017 15:46

I was travelling to work this morning on the train. All table seats and I like to sit in the aisle seat, I feel a bit trapped if I'm by the window. I had my handbag on my lap so the window seat was free.

A man got on and grunted at me and pointed at the seat. I tried to stand so I could get out and he could take the wondow seat. He said he was getting off in three stops so he'd sit in the aisle, I said so was I and tried to move out again. He was really insistent that I should sit by the window. After about a minutes debate and me saying that I just didn't want to sit in the window seat he shouted 'for fucks sake' and stormed off to another part of the train.

I didn't think I was being unreasonable at all. But starting to wonder a bit as the day goes on!

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 17/08/2017 15:48

YANBU you were there first. Also, male privilege can naff off.

BlackberryLassi · 17/08/2017 15:49

What a fucker. I would have dont the same as you. Men think they own public trasport and public space Sad

BenLui · 17/08/2017 15:49

Maybe he feels trapped at the window seat too?

PandorasXbox · 17/08/2017 15:50

As you were only 3 stops from getting off I think you could have moved over personally.

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/08/2017 15:50

Of course you weren't being unreasonable! He was trying to make you give up your seat because he preferred it. No reason at all why he couldn't have sat in the spare seat rather than try and force you to move as well.

MrJohnsonAteMyCustard · 17/08/2017 15:51

He was being unreasonable. He wanted a seat - you moved so that he could have one. He was a dick.

murree · 17/08/2017 15:52

YANBU there was a perfectly good seat next to you for him and you were willing to move so he could get to it. He didn't know why you preferred the aisle seat and he shouldnt have pushed it.

Original poster
HunterHearstHelmsley · 17/08/2017 15:58

Phew! Part of me was thinking "Maybe I should have been a good little woman and moved"!

OP posts:
53rdWay · 17/08/2017 16:00

He preferred the aisle seat, you preferred the aisle seat, you got there first. YANBU.

BannedFromNarnia · 17/08/2017 16:04

On my train there's a very clear etiquette for these things - first person takes the seat they prefer. Second takes the opposite corner seat. Third takes whichever one they want of the two that's left. Fourth deals with it.

Which I'm guessing is what happened hear so he should naff off.

ButtonBoo · 17/08/2017 16:05

This bollocks happens on my commute every day. The one time I did move over for somebody (even after saying I was getting off soon), they fell asleep and then huffed and puffed when I had to wake them up. Nope. Lesson learned. Not moving over again...

PandorasXbox · 17/08/2017 16:05

I'm certainly not a "good little woman" but probably would have told him that I was getting off in 3 stops and when he said that so was he would have moved up.

UrsulaPandress · 17/08/2017 16:06

What a tosser. Similar thing happened to me on a plane. Long flight - I had booked the aisle seat and the middle seat for me and DD. Man sitting in my seat when we got on the plane. I pointed out to him that it was my booked seat, but he said he preferred the aisle seat and we could have the other two. Yeah right. I book the aisle seat as I have problems with my foot and like to be able to stretch it out when the aisle is free. He then tried to make me feel uncomfortable by saying that he needed frequent trips to the toilet and would need to disturb me every time but I told him that was fine as I don't sleep on planes and was happy to get the exercise by standing up.

Some people men think they have more rights.

YWNBU

ButtonBoo · 17/08/2017 16:08

No Pandoras Why does OP have to move over. If it doesn't matter who sits where, then he can sit in the empty seat. The kind of passive agressiveness of some commuters really gets my cob. Grrr!

Moanyoldcow · 17/08/2017 16:10

As they are table seats I think it just makes more sense to go all the way in. It becomes obstructive otherwise.

If everyone got on and felt like you, the train would get so congested it's ridiculous.

He was unreasonable in the way he spoke to you without question but I think you are a bit unreasonable taking the aisle when it adds to congestion.

Obviously this is a non-issue when the trains don't have tables.

PandorasXbox · 17/08/2017 16:10

I'm saying that's what I would have done. If we were both getting off at the same stop then it wouldn't have bothered me budging up.

5rivers7hills · 17/08/2017 16:10

You were here first. You wanted that seat. You were not BU at all.

TieGrr · 17/08/2017 16:10

He didn't just want the aisle seat, he wanted your aisle seat. He can feck off.

AlpacaPicnic · 17/08/2017 16:11

I would not like to feel trapped by anyone who insisted on having the outside seat when the inside seat is a perfectly good option. What if they refused to let you out again?

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/08/2017 16:12

Does that make the OP unreasonable then @PandorasXbox, as it wasn't what you would do?

The OP explained why she was sitting by the aisle and didn't want to sit by the window. If this man wanted to also sit by the aisle he should have found a free aisle seat to be certain of sitting where he preferred. Like the OP did.

BlackberryLassi · 17/08/2017 16:13

Exactly alpaca I've literally climbed over some dick on a train who refused to move once to let me use the toilet. He wasn't expecting me to do that!

ZaraW · 17/08/2017 16:14

You should have moved nothing to do with being a good little woman it's so much easier to do that especially when it was only three stops. It also annoys me when people sit in the aisle seat and put their handbag or coat on the window seat then start tutting when you ask them to move it so you can sit down.

TheHungryDonkey · 17/08/2017 16:15

You offered the seat. He could take it or leave it. I've offered the inside seat before and it was taken. YANBU

Goldmandra · 17/08/2017 16:15

If everyone got on and felt like you, the train would get so congested it's ridiculous.

Why would people moving to let someone else take the window seat make a train ridiculously congested?

PandorasXbox · 17/08/2017 16:16

I'm not arguing with you AssassinatedBeauty, the OP wondered after all whether she was BU and I gave her my thoughts.

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