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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Man on the train

318 replies

HunterHearstHelmsley · 17/08/2017 15:46

I was travelling to work this morning on the train. All table seats and I like to sit in the aisle seat, I feel a bit trapped if I'm by the window. I had my handbag on my lap so the window seat was free.

A man got on and grunted at me and pointed at the seat. I tried to stand so I could get out and he could take the wondow seat. He said he was getting off in three stops so he'd sit in the aisle, I said so was I and tried to move out again. He was really insistent that I should sit by the window. After about a minutes debate and me saying that I just didn't want to sit in the window seat he shouted 'for fucks sake' and stormed off to another part of the train.

I didn't think I was being unreasonable at all. But starting to wonder a bit as the day goes on!

OP posts:

blackteasplease · 17/08/2017 17:16

It's one of my pet hates too - people not realising that if you have sat on a seat that's the one you intend to occupy! As long as you are only taking up the one, and if it's the aisle you are prepared to let others in.

My other pet hate is people who spill over onto your seat when you are beside them!

littlebird7 · 17/08/2017 17:16

Horrid man - you were there first - he should never have been so insulting and rude.

formerbabe · 17/08/2017 17:16

It's not ridiculous. There is an empty, available seat which is only accessible by asking someone else to move...that is extremely entitled behaviour.

Marinade · 17/08/2017 17:17

@JetBoyGirl

Have you ever travelled on a busy commuter train? I take the train and tube into London every day. There are plenty of sharp elbowed women who are more than capable of pushing in when required! I don't care about the gender of the aisle seat occupant but I do care that people think its ok to take those seats and let others clamber over because they only care about their comfort. And no, the reason for the resistance to occupying the aisle seat would not have been clear to the man trying to sit down. Why would you possibly think this is the case?

Nobody is being obtuse, we are just talking about all round consideration to others when travelling on busy commuter trains! It is completely reductive to attempt to rationalise the reaction by citing sexism!

maxthemartian · 17/08/2017 17:17

Another one saying YANBU. I get claustrophobic so always sit on the aisle. I'll happily move to let someone by to take the window seat but I'm not squashing myself into a corner if I was there first.

formerbabe · 17/08/2017 17:20

Completely agree with Marinade

It's nothing to do with sexism. Men and women both seem to hog aisle seats and expect others to have to ask to sit in the window seat...why not just be considerate?

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/08/2017 17:20

JetBoyJetGirl that story doesn't really highlight anything. I do that to move people out of the way all the time! Couldn't care less if they are men or women or whatever! I am 5 foot tall, I am bored of being ignored every time I say excuse me in busy pubs and clubs and I hate barging past!

If anything, all your story shows is some men in the pub you go to only do this to women, I've seen it done by men to men on countless occasions!

LuLuuuuuuu · 17/08/2017 17:21

Pointing is so rude . I'd have bit his fucking finger off.

Anyway, Id have not made you leave your aisle seat OP . I like the window space personally.

Beadieeye · 17/08/2017 17:22

I agree with you Former

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2017 17:23

YWNU. I would not have wanted to shift over. I would have been anxious as to why a man was so insistent on blocking me in.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 17/08/2017 17:23

You really believe a man would have get so stroppy with another man

He may have asked him to move over but certainly unlikely to have had a tantrum if he didn't

Male privilege is sexism

formerbabe · 17/08/2017 17:25

YWNU. I would not have wanted to shift over. I would have been anxious as to why a man was so insistent on blocking me in.

Seems like an over reaction.

Marinade · 17/08/2017 17:25

@Enthusiasm

Absolutely not true - I have seen many arguments break out and heated words said between males on commuter trains. This is a reaction to the stresses of commuting.

JetBoyJetGirl · 17/08/2017 17:26

Marinade Yes I have. And yes, there are rude people of both sexes.

But she didn't expect anyone to "clamber over" her. She said in her opening post that she tried to stand up to allow him past her, which would have been no more awkward for him that if both seats had been unoccupied when he arrived.

Rather than just saying, "thanks" and taking the seat, he said he wanted the aisle seat and was quite insistent that she move.

Whether you think she should have moved or not, there's no justification for him arguing with her, is there?

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/08/2017 17:28

Marinade yep! I have seen this too and relatively often as well!

I do think the man in this situation was BU and a dick but I don't think that instantly makes him a sexist pig, he didn't mutter 'stupid woman' or anything did he? I don't think it would have made any difference if a man was sat were the OP was

JetBoyJetGirl · 17/08/2017 17:28

I do that to move people out of the way all the time! Couldn't care less if they are men or women or whatever! I am 5 foot tall, I am bored of being ignored every time I say excuse me in busy pubs and clubs and I hate barging past!

So do I, because I'm 5'3" and people can't see/don't hear/choose to ignore me. But I'm not talking about you, a 5 foot woman (presumably). I'm talking about men and the men I've seen do it.

Do all men do it? No, of course not, but the men I've observed doing it only do it to women.

ArcheryAnnie · 17/08/2017 17:29

YANBU. He was being a dick.

JetBoyJetGirl · 17/08/2017 17:29

And has it not occured to you that the reason you are ignored is that you are a 5' tall woman..?

Marinade · 17/08/2017 17:31

@Jet
The difference is her shuffling up when already seated to her getting up to allow him to squeeze past when potentially others are trying to get on the train also. What a farce for three stops. Also by clambering I mean having to climb over three people to get to a vacated window seat on a group of four seats without a table because all other three seats have been taken and someone in the aisle seat just won't move up because they are soo much more important than me.

Yes he shouldn't have sworn but I would be lying if I said that I had not lost my shit when commuting and shouted at annoying people... Not proud of it but I have.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 17/08/2017 17:32

I never said men do not argue on trains

I said a man wouldn't insist another man move from the seat as he wants to sit in it

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/08/2017 17:32

Ah ok JetBoyJetGirl I understand now, it's ok for us to do it because we are women.

Most people in a busy pub which is loud etc will do this in some form both men and women. Every time I have obsevered this, the person 'being touched' is normally the closest person to 'the mover' and not much attention is paid to whoever is being moved.

As I said I have seen it done plenty of times by men and women to both sexes

DeadGood · 17/08/2017 17:32

"When you sit in the aisle seat with the window seat empty, what you are basically saying is that you don't want anyone to sit next to you and effectively you are taking up two seats...it's rude because there is a seat spare but it is only accessible if someone asks you to move."

formerbabe beadieeye can yoy explain what it is that you find so difficult about asking someone to let you in to the window seat?

You write as if people who sit on the aisle seat, do so with a sword and shield, refusing to let anyone past.

GrandDesespoir · 17/08/2017 17:33

I find it very annoying when people sit on the outside seat and expect you to first have to request access to the empty seat and them squeeze awkwardly past them, rather than moving over to create a space. Even worse if they've put their coat/bag on the window seat.

However, if someone had jumped up to allow easy access to the window seat I'd think that was fair enough (although I'd possibly wonder why they didn't just shift over themselves).

So while in principle you were entitled to choose as you were there first and he shouldn't have made a fuss, in practice it is more efficient for the first person in to sit by the window.

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/08/2017 17:35

JetBoyJetGirl yes I'm sure it is becuase people can't see me. However this extends to both men and women

formerbabe · 17/08/2017 17:35

formerbabe beadieeye can yoy explain what it is that you find so difficult about asking someone to let you in to the window seat?

The point is that there is an available seat which could be accessed with no fuss if it wasn't being blocked. The onus is then put on the standing person to request to sit there. Therefore the person in the aisle seat is effectively holding the empty seat hostage.

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