Man on the train

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

I was travelling to work this morning on the train. All table seats and I like to sit in the aisle seat, I feel a bit trapped if I'm by the window. I had my handbag on my lap so the window seat was free.

A man got on and grunted at me and pointed at the seat. I tried to stand so I could get out and he could take the wondow seat. He said he was getting off in three stops so he'd sit in the aisle, I said so was I and tried to move out again. He was really insistent that I should sit by the window. After about a minutes debate and me saying that I just didn't want to sit in the window seat he shouted 'for fucks sake' and stormed off to another part of the train.

I didn't think I was being unreasonable at all. But starting to wonder a bit as the day goes on!

Agreed Zara - also annoying. I hear what you're saying Pandoras but OP said she DID mind and didn't want to sit there.

ZaraW. What always annoys me is when I ask people to move their coat/bag so I can sit down and they do a little start of surprise as if they hadn't noticed everyone standing in the aisles while their coat has a seat of its very own.

I got trapped in my window seat on a train once by some drunk twat who thought it was so funny to refuse to let me out. I genuinely did start to wonder if I was going to get either sexually assaulted or robbed.
Now I sit near the doors and in the aisle. I would seriously wonder about the motives of anyone who insisted I move to allow them to block me in.

Oh you both wanted the good thing and you already had it and wouldn't give it to him? Who do you think you are, refusing to give up what he wanted because, er, you both wanted it??

What a joy he must be at home.

Fascinating that people think the OP should have moved over into the window seat, but not that the new passenger should have taken the window seat.

No, he might not have wanted to sit there either, but why does that mean the OP should have been the one to move?

I think its good etiquette on commuter trains to take the window seat if you are there first to make it easy for people to sit down in the aisle seat otherwise people have to specifically ask to get past you. Its only one step away from bag on seat scenario in my book.

How rude.

He was there second. He doesn't get to eject people from their seats just because he fancies!

I used to do a regular long train journey where I'd try to sit by a power socket and get some work done. So often, some bloke (and it always was a bloke) would be stunned that I didn't immediately allow him to use the power socket I'd got to first and was using. I can't count how many of them would huff 'but I'm working,' as if what I was doing on my laptop couldn't possibly be work.

I normally ignore people if they just point. So it is a seat, yeah, so??!!!!

YANBU you were there first. Also, male privilege can naff off

No need to bring sexism into it.

I would have expected you to move over just because it's wpeasier and quicker than you getting up and out, him getting in and you sitting again. If you'd said I prefer the aisle then I'd have understood but it would look like you were being difficult for no reason.

He preferred the aisle seat, you preferred the aisle seat, you got there first. YANBU

This. OK the resultant shuffling around is a bit of a pain but that's bad train design for you. I much prefer airplane style seats that way you're only trapped near one weirdo, not three

No need to bring sexism into it.

Yes there is because the twat would NOT have done it to another man!!

The etiquette is that the person with the seat keeps that seat and makes the one beside them accessible if asked.

If the man didnt want a window seat (for possibly similar reasons as OP) he loses out as OP got there first.

She's allowed to prefer the aisle seat. She chose to sit there rather than the window. It's ok to say no to a person asking for your seat when there is another available. It's also ok to move over if you don't mind moving. Doesn't mean moving is compulsory.

I think its good etiquette on commuter trains to take the window seat if you are there first to make it easy for people to sit down in the aisle seat otherwise people have to specifically ask to get past you. Its only one step away from bag on seat scenario in my book

This. It's like a motorway, you move over to let adjoining traffic in. I can't abide people who sit in the aisle seats glued to their laptops, ignoring all the passengers who are standing.

Men think they own public trasport and public space

What the fuck are you on about? What a ridiculous sexist comment.

It could just as easily been a woman who got annoyed and stormed off.

OP, you tried to explain to him that he could take the window seat but he obviously wasn't listening and just assumed you were being awkward.

I wouldn't worry about it.

I don't think you should have moved and you were right to stand your ground but in general I do kind of wish people would file into train carriages from the middle window seats outwards. I think that's just my control-freakery though!

Maybe he feels trapped at the window seat too?

Maybe he does. It doesn't mean that the OP has to suck up being trapped herself. He isn't any more important than her and he is unreasonable to think he can make her move for his convenience.

OP, you tried to explain to him that he could take the window seat but he obviously wasn't listening

I think you're being a little too kind to him. He was listening, IMO. He just didn't like what he was hearing.

Maybe he feels trapped at the window seat too?

Also this ^. You were both being equally un/reasonable.

I wonder if he'd have done that little performance if it had been another man rhubarb.

We'll never know but I doubt it.

Yes there is because the twat would NOT have done it to another man!!

How on earth do you know that? Maybe this guy was having a bad day and this just tipped him over the edge?

For a site that bangs on and on about equality and sexism towards woman etc some posters don't seem to see the irony in what they post.

Man is a dick towards a woman - it MUST be sexism!

Or maybe the guy is just a dick in general or was having an off day?

Not everything has to have some kind off hidden sexist agenda!

"Men think they own public trasport and public space"

You have been on public transport? You have seen the women with the shopping bags (non-food) on the seats with the small hang bag and the big handbag and the coat all on the seat? Or taking up space on the floor beside their feet but well into the other footwell?

I find men horrendous for taking up space standing up as they hit people with their back packs though.

No you shouldn't have moved.
If he had said do you mind if I have the aisle seat because of xxxxx then it might have been right for you to move if he had a valid reason.
Absolutely not acceptable for him to demand you move just because he fancies that seat, especially given as you are both getting off at the same place so it's equally inconvenient for you to have the window seat. Well done for standing your ground.

Pallisers you are right he's not more entitled to the seat than the OP but it explains the conversation and why he walked off to another part of the train.