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AIBU?

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Original poster

Man on the train

318 replies

HunterHearstHelmsley · 17/08/2017 15:46

I was travelling to work this morning on the train. All table seats and I like to sit in the aisle seat, I feel a bit trapped if I'm by the window. I had my handbag on my lap so the window seat was free.

A man got on and grunted at me and pointed at the seat. I tried to stand so I could get out and he could take the wondow seat. He said he was getting off in three stops so he'd sit in the aisle, I said so was I and tried to move out again. He was really insistent that I should sit by the window. After about a minutes debate and me saying that I just didn't want to sit in the window seat he shouted 'for fucks sake' and stormed off to another part of the train.

I didn't think I was being unreasonable at all. But starting to wonder a bit as the day goes on!

OP posts:
Witsender · 17/08/2017 17:35

But she stood up to let him past, why all this talk of hogging, or trying to ignore him, or making him climb over her etc etc? I can imagine all that is very annoying, but isn't what happened here.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 17/08/2017 17:37

"When you sit in the aisle seat with the window seat empty, what you are basically saying is that you don't want anyone to sit next to you and effectively you are taking up two seats..."

No... You are just saying that you don't want to sit in the window seat.

JetBoyJetGirl · 17/08/2017 17:37

Ah ok JetBoyJetGirl I understand now, it's ok for us to do it because we are women.

Don't be ridiculous.

If I say "excuse me" to someone 3 times but they don't hear me because they're 6'3, or just a fair bit taller than me, and I touch their arm to get their attention and then say "excuse me" again, that's not the same as a man only doing it to woman, but not doing it to a man.

GrandDesespoir · 17/08/2017 17:37

*then squeeze

When you sit in the aisle seat with the window seat empty, what you are basically saying is that you don't want anyone to sit next to you and effectively you are taking up two seats...it's rude because there is a seat spare but it is only accessible if someone asks you to move.

I agree totally. And while asking someone to move is not that big a deal, it would be more polite not to put someone in the position of having to, which some (probably many) people find a bit awkward.

Marinade · 17/08/2017 17:37

@Enthusiasm

The reasons for people arguing on trains are multi faceted. You are assuming that he blew his top because the OP is female. I am assuming he blew his top because of the ideological attachment to the aisle seat, which, like me, he has probably encountered numerous times before.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 17/08/2017 17:37

JetBoyJetGirl

That post was really interesting. I'm pretty sure I've used the hand on the back thing to both men and women (I am a woman) in busy loud places to as I don't have to keep yelling to get people's attention.

I'm going to watch to see how/what other people do now.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 17/08/2017 17:38

I do say "excuse me" or "sorry can I just" in a very British way if I can catch their eye though.

Dina1234 · 17/08/2017 17:39

No, he wanted a seat, you offered one, he should have taken it.

Cyc10ne · 17/08/2017 17:40

I said a man wouldn't insist another man move from the seat as he wants to sit in it

Yes he would. In fact I would say men are generally more polite toward women than they are towards men. This guy on the train was an exception to the norm

JetBoyJetGirl · 17/08/2017 17:41

Youcant we started calling it 'owning your space'. It doesn't mean being belligerent, just not automatically acquiesing when a man moves you.

For clarity, women do do the the touching your arm to get your attention too, but they tend to make eye contact, say excuse me, smile, say thanks... just some acknowledgement that you've interacted. Men don't. They just move you.

formerbabe · 17/08/2017 17:42

For clarity, women do do the the touching your arm to get your attention too, but they tend to make eye contact, say excuse me, smile, say thanks

Like fuck they do!

UnicornSparkles1 · 17/08/2017 17:43

What an entitled fucker. I wonder if he managed to bully someone else out of their seat.

BluePheasant · 17/08/2017 17:43

YANBU. In the slightest. You had the seat first and politely offered to move to let him take the one next to you.

Yet another fucking example of a man thinking he automatically takes priority over a woman. There is no way he would have behaved like that towards another man Angry

JetBoyJetGirl · 17/08/2017 17:44

Well they do in the places I go to. Which are the same places where the men don't.

formerbabe · 17/08/2017 17:45

There is no way he would have behaved like that towards another man

Of course because men never get into arguments with other men do they?Hmm

Letstryagainshallwe · 17/08/2017 17:45

I had a similar thing happen to me
On the bus. I was in the aisle seat so I can hold on to the handle
Of my pram. Seen too many tip over so I like to make sure I'm holding
On. A man came on and said "can you sit properly please!" I wasn't sitting in any way other than on the aisle seat so he obviously meant for me to move over! But he was very rude in how he said it so I just stood up and let him have the seats even though it was a week after my csection and standing was still abit painful I thought if he wants it that bad he can have both the seats!

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 17/08/2017 17:45

I don't see men insisting other men move from a seat becuase they want to sit there

And I certainly don't see many men beinf more polite towards women in rush hour and I live in London so very much used to overcrowded public transport

Queenioqueenio · 17/08/2017 17:46

I've had this, the man tutted, rolled his eyes then took the window seat. You got there first OP, he should take the free seat not move you.

Marinade · 17/08/2017 17:46

@BluePheasant

Yet another fucking example of a man thinking he automatically takes priority over a woman. There is no way he would have behaved like that towards another man.

No - I am female and this would irritate me. How hard is it to be a bit considerate and just shuffle up. Honestly the aisle seat hoggers really bug me when commuting and you have to clamber over them. This is not do to with sexism, this is just plain old fashioned common sense and consideration when commuting.

diddl · 17/08/2017 17:47

"it would be more polite not to put someone in the position of having to"

Yes-heaven forbid that one might have to interact with a strangerShock

martiniwini · 17/08/2017 17:48

Stupid prick. I'd have said "look either sit by the window or fuck off, dickhead"

Marinade · 17/08/2017 17:48

@Enthusiasm

I would say both sexes can be pretty rude actually. All I said was that there are plenty of sharp elbowed women too.

Beadieeye · 17/08/2017 17:48

DeadGood, like I said, the passengers I normally find sitting on the aisle seat blocking access to the window seat, are usually rude and actively ignore other people looking for a seat. I find it preferable to stand, after a long day, than to engage with a rude person who clearly does not want to be disturbed.
Also, I don't want to ask someone's permission to sit down, I want to get on, with the ticket I have paid for, and just take a seat.
On top of this, unless there is extreme anxiety, the 'I sat here first, I prefer this seat, why should I move' argument doesn't sit well with me (excuse the pun). It's just a seat. On public transport. Does anyone enjoy sitting there at all? No. It's just a means to get from A to B yet there are people being precious about it.

formerbabe · 17/08/2017 17:49

"Stupid prick. I'd have said "look either sit by the window or fuck off, dickhead"*

Wow. Aren't you a charmer?

YoullShootYourEyeOut · 17/08/2017 17:50

I hate being blocked in on a train, because you never know what sort of person is going to sit next to you, you get all sorts of weirdos commuting.

I was once shouted at by a bloke who'd blocked the carriage door with his bags and I unknowingly opened the door from the other side and the bags were moved, he was SO angry at me for something that was his fault. Thank God I no longer have to commute, it was hell!