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AIBU?

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Original poster

Man on the train

318 replies

HunterHearstHelmsley · 17/08/2017 15:46

I was travelling to work this morning on the train. All table seats and I like to sit in the aisle seat, I feel a bit trapped if I'm by the window. I had my handbag on my lap so the window seat was free.

A man got on and grunted at me and pointed at the seat. I tried to stand so I could get out and he could take the wondow seat. He said he was getting off in three stops so he'd sit in the aisle, I said so was I and tried to move out again. He was really insistent that I should sit by the window. After about a minutes debate and me saying that I just didn't want to sit in the window seat he shouted 'for fucks sake' and stormed off to another part of the train.

I didn't think I was being unreasonable at all. But starting to wonder a bit as the day goes on!

OP posts:
user1483875094 · 18/08/2017 17:45

The fact that he just "grunted" and pointed, says it all about the pig that he is. I would have just "grunted back" and given him a victory sign. What a PIG. HAD he said "Excuse me, would you be kind enough to move over," - then you could have also kindly, said, " I am sorry no, because I do not like sitting at the window seat" then he would NOT have been the entitled, arrogant slob-pig, that he so clearly was, and you were ENTIRELY reasonable to stay in your seat. Sadly, there are so many PIGS like this who we have to share our travel with. YOU WERE PERFECTLY RIGHT LOVE! xx

Maireadplastic · 18/08/2017 18:18

I get a bit cross at people sitting in the outer seat on buses on trains as the message is that they want both seats. It's public transport, shared space.
The man wasn't nice though.

bbismad · 18/08/2017 18:26

Maybe he also had some personal reason for wanting to sit on the aisle... claustrophobia maybe....

QuackPorridgeBacon · 18/08/2017 18:36

Interesting thread. I understand the feeling trapped etc but I'm also someone who would move over if I seen someone standing or walking towards the seat and gesture that where I was is now available. I hate the awkwardness (that I for some reason feel) when someone stands and I have to get past them to sit when I could just sit while they slide over.

I don't for one minute think this was him being sexist at all. Unless something is confirmed by voice or actions that it is sexism I don't assume it is. I don't look at every man and see them as a threat and I won't tarnish them as sexist until they prove me otherwise.

You can think of his reaction as whatever you want but sexist is a bit of a jump.

TennisAtXmas · 18/08/2017 18:51

You can think of his reaction as whatever you want but sexist is a bit of a jump.

I agree with this, he just wanted to sit down, and the most logical thing would be to move over.
If anything, its sexist of people on here to imply that men shouldn't have a right to sit in an seat when one is free, and a bit entitled to say it was your seat (it really isn't) and you shouldn't have to move (you should, unless you want to reserve two seats, and pay double). I'd think you were being really weird by trying to keep the aisle seat on a busy train, sorry.

Dianag111 · 18/08/2017 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dianag111 · 18/08/2017 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 18/08/2017 19:08

No one has said a man can't not sit down if a seat is freeHmm

A seat was free next to the op and she moved aside so he was able to sit there (and this didn't seem to inconvenience anyone)

But he didn't want that seat and communicated firstly in grunts and pointing then swore becuase he couldn't have the seat he wanted the one the op also wanted to sit in and she boarded the train before he did

When did that become an acceptable way to behave Hmm

Andpppy · 18/08/2017 19:10

I'm a man - I wouldn't do that. Don't tar us all with the same brush. Mind you I was on an intercity a few years ago and went to the lavy. It was one of the new electronic ones. I would have struggled to lock it and presume someone else did too as I hit the open button of the toilet indicating vacant to reveal a lady who I believe may have been mid poo although intercity lavies never smell good . Problem was once the door started opening you cannot close it until it finishes its opening cycle and you cannot reach the close button while seated. Rather than stand with my back to the door to hide the occupant and apologise profusely I ran back to my seat and hid behind a paper. I apologise if the lady involved ever reads this.

frogsoup · 18/08/2017 19:12

Mairead, no the message is that I like the aisle seat. There are never, ever any spare seats on my commuter train, you'd get hung drawn and quartered if you tried to keep a seat free, so the issue just doesn't arise. If you sit in the aisle seat, the assumption is 100% on everyone's part that you'll get up to let them in at the inevitable point someone requests the window seat.

As for the idea of objecting to single people sitting in the 4 table seats, words fail me. You know that seat reservations aside, you get to choose the best available seat of your preference?! You don't expect somebody else to sit in a crappy seat just so that you can swan in at the last minute and sit at a nice table seat with your entire family together!!! If you want to choose the best seats, get on the train earlier. If somebody gets on the train late with a baby or toddler, I will obviously give them my seat. Somebody with older kids, sorry, you take what there is.

Knottyash5 · 18/08/2017 19:20

Though once a woman raced us to a table and claimed the window seat despite the fact it was clear we were going to fill out all four

That happened to me once (woman with lots of shopping bags who hogged a table to herself) and I did a big sigh. She turned round and asked me why I was being so rude. I didn't know sighing was rude - clearly it was very expressive ;)

I prefer aisle seats because I can get off faster and in the winter the heat is on full blast and it gives me a headache to be next to the heater.

Pantryboy · 18/08/2017 19:23

Nah Bollox to him the ignoramus you do wth you like , you didn't do as he demanded and he didn't like it...... well bloody tuff good for you OP!

Maireadplastic · 18/08/2017 19:37

Frogsoup: 'If you sit in the aisle seat, the assumption is 100% on everyone's part that you'll get up to let them in at the inevitable point someone requests the window seat.'

Not at all my experience on buses and unrammed trains.

Usernamqwerty · 18/08/2017 19:49

I feel trapped in the window seat too, totally get it... I do give up the aisle seat if someone has mobility needs though.

Still shocked that I had to stand for part of my commute when I was obviously pregnant, but that's a whole other thread 😲

strawberrisc · 18/08/2017 19:52

I just (honestly) say I suffer from travel sickness and unless they want me to blow chunks all over them if I can't quickly access a toilet they may prefer the window seat. First come first served.

frogsoup · 18/08/2017 19:58

Well if you commute first thing into London Mairead alas a spare seat left empty would probably make national news!

SherbrookeFosterer · 18/08/2017 23:07

Not very manful to swear at you like that.

lozzylizzy · 19/08/2017 08:03

Off on another track entirely but has any man in history been sold a fashionable "top" with two layers that tangle up in each other when you put them on? Thought not.

You don't have to buy anything you don't like! What has that got to do with anything.

However you have given me a giggle remembering my DH trying to hang my tops in my wardrobe which are this particular style. The struggle is real.

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