Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect an invite for DD?

182 replies

Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 13:07

My DD7 has a best friend at school who lives relatively close by. I have had best friend over for tea several times and over to play,she's a lovely little girl and enjoys coming here.
Anyway.. on more than several occasions they will both run up to me (at the school run) and say they want to play today but it's ALWAYS at our house!
They will run up to the other mum (best friends mum) and ask and she says oh we will have to arrange for DD to come over but has NEVER followed through. I seen her at the shops the other day and she said "
my DD really misses your DD will have to get them together soon" I said yes absolutely I then receive a text saying what date And what time shall I drop DD to you ? Hmm I haven't replied as I really think it's rude not to return the invite! AIBU? Me and other mum get on absolutely fine always friendly etc. Can I also mention that my DD WAS NOT invited to her party a few weeks ago Confused my DD is very well mannered so I'm so confused as to why she's being treated this way.

OP posts:
lilydaisyrose · 16/08/2017 13:10

I am embarrassed of my house - could she be? It's small and dark and not very clean/tidy. We actually do have children over to play as they dont care, but I always meet their parents at the door with shoes/coats on ready to go. I rarely invite adults over and am always looking to meet out somewhere or meet at their home.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 13:12

Iv went there ages ago to pick up a bike was there for about two mins.
House is like any house.

OP posts:
PovertyJetset · 16/08/2017 13:17

Just reply- could Dd come to you this time?

LoyaltyAndLobster · 16/08/2017 13:18

Hi OP do you know whether or not any other children from school were invited to the party?

I would text back "Is it ok if I drop DD off at yours?"

lalalalyra · 16/08/2017 13:22

I'd assume there was a reason behind it.

A friend of mine couldn't invite kids around until after she left her husband. None of us knew for a long time how abusive he was. She couldn't put other kids in danger, she couldn't risk something getting broken by another child as it would cause wwiii for her and it also got her kids out and able to be kids.

Someone else I know doesn't invite people around because of her nightmare neighbours.

If she seems nice then it might not be laziness or anything she can control.

KimmySchmidt1 · 16/08/2017 13:23

It might be a problem at home but worth testing it by asking, as the other posters have said.

Also the past tense of the verb 'to see' is "I saw" not "I seen". No point in carrying on through adulthood getting that wrong.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 13:24

Yea big garden party 6 other girls from class all pics posted on Facebook (nice) I texted months ago about DD going to hers to see friends new hamster and got a "will arrange soon" but again didn't hear back. Took them both to park few weeks ago, I dropped best friend back to her house I waved and the mother just shut the door after friend ran in. Was a little taken back.

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 16/08/2017 13:28

Just text back and say "we're not set up for visitors at the minute but am happy to drop dd to yours let me know when suits"

She sounds rude I wouldn't invite anymore

dollydaydream114 · 16/08/2017 13:29

Agree with other posters that there might be a reason she's embarrassed or worried about her house, but equally she might just be lazy and/or using you for free childcare when she wants a break.

Maybe next time just say "Actually DD has been saying it would be nice to go to your house instead - maybe I could drop her with you. When's a good time?" and what she says.

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 13:30

I can see why you're miffed. There could be all sorts of reasons why DD hasn't been invited though.

Text back and say you're busy but could drop your DD of at her house for a few hours and see what she says.

monkeywithacowface · 16/08/2017 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BewareOfDragons · 16/08/2017 13:35

She wasn't invited to the girl's party?

I wouldn't have her round. Tell her your DD can come to hers this week, but you're not having her daughter around until playdates are reciprocated.

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 13:35

The grammar is fine to me I'm not writing a report at work just a thread lol. Sorry this bothers you.
Anyway.. if there's a personal issue why on earth invite half the class of girls and not DD?
This is why I'm so confused. I thought maybe the issue is with me but she's always been very polite and chatty.

OP posts:
PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 13:37

Because only half of the girls were invited I wouldn't worry too much OP, maybe the venue could only hold a set amount and the friend chose who she wanted to come. A bit hurtful for DD I know.

Starlight2345 · 16/08/2017 13:39

This is an odd one.If she has other people's children to house.. I would Reply.. Yes your turn this time.. What date suits you?

I don't think she is going to have your DD ..I have no idea why but would encourage your DD a bigger circle of friends.

uglyflowers · 16/08/2017 13:41

I've dropped two 'friends' of mine and my kids in the last year as I just got sick to death of it always being me who hosted. Clearly both would rather lose our friendship then invite us round so really they were never good friends. I have a rule now that I'm happy to do the first play date but if the other family don't reciprocate then there is no second play date. I get emails from some people who never took the hint and keep asking when we can meet again, meaning really, when can muggins provide a nice lunch and do all the tidying afterwards. Well, no more! The worm has turned!

Mrscropley · 16/08/2017 13:42

If it bugs you then challenge it!!
Or it will always bug you!!
And I hate being bugged tbh!!. Ends up being The Rage!!

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 13:42

The party was at her house was a girls hot-tub party only seen on Facebook two days after. Obviously didn't mention this to DD but saw a pic of them in hot-tub. My DD has other friends but sadly none of the others live close. But she gets invited to others too. This is DD best friend so she likes her company the most.

OP posts:
AsleepAtMyDesk · 16/08/2017 13:42

You just need to decide whether you are prepared to put up with this for the sake of your daughter. If you are and you like the other girl, then no problem. If it annoys you too much, then stop the other girl coming round. But I wouldn't waste any time worrying about it either way.
I was always crap at turns - could never remember who's turn it was to do anything, so I just did what I wanted, when I wanted. Probably meant I ended up doing more than my share, but that didn't bother me.

HighwayDragon1 · 16/08/2017 13:44

So we can't really have DDS friends here when DH is here, it really triggers his Asd and he can't handle it! Could there be a genuine reason why they don't go round to hers to play.

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 13:44

Text her and ask her if you can drop DD off for a while and see what she says?

HighwayDragon1 · 16/08/2017 13:44

Woops didn't rtft sorry

She's a dick

Original poster
Rainraingoawayagain · 16/08/2017 13:46

I wouldn't say I was bugged by it I feel more bad for DD I think. Having friend over is lovely for my DD but I can count 9 times since June this year! But not one invite back!
Oh and I took advice and just texted mum "DD can't wait to come over and play! Let me know when your free"

OP posts:
AsleepAtMyDesk · 16/08/2017 13:47

Just ignore her message and reply saying what a great idea it is to get the girls together - what time can you drop your DD off?

Dancergirl · 16/08/2017 13:47

I understand OP, my dd also has a friend like this. I have hosted countless play dates but dd has only been to her house once in 3 years.

Ultimately though it's about your Dds friendship and if they enjoy playing together and the other mum isn't forthcoming about hosting there's not much you can do. By all means ask if your dd can go there but if she can't for whatever reason/excuse then I would continue hosting.

The party thing is weird though.

Swipe left for the next trending thread